So in my last post I told you about my latest dating escapades and said that I’d tell you about the one and only date I’ve had out of the last tranche of the North's most eligible bachelors (yeah right!).
Well here goes ... I’d had an email from a guy which was quite sweet and really rather funny! Mehreen and I looked at his picture and christened him “Chipmonk”. He wasn’t what you’d call ugly, he had quite a pleasant face, but he really did look like a chipmonk! You know ... sticky out front teeth and fat cheeks. So we agreed that I should give him a go and the (by now) familiar routine of emailing followed by number swapping ensued.
We arranged for him to call me when I knew I’d be in the car (again, you need to read the previous post for the reason) and he did. We had quite a good little chat for about 20 minutes ... he made me laugh (which is always a good sign). He said to ignore his picture on the website as he’d lost quite a bit of weight, cos when he saw the picture of himself, he thought he resembled ... yep, you guessed it, a chipmonk! At least we agreed on that ... although I obviously didn’t say anything.
He was really quite funny and there were no awkward silences, unlike 'Ole Blue Eyes' from my previous post (in fact, in retrospect, I couldn’t get a word in edgeways!) and I had to end the call when I reached my destination and we agreed that we would speak again before the weekend ... I think that was a Tuesday. Anyway, we did speak again later in the week and we agreed to meet up on the Sunday.
FYI, I have some safety rules when I’m meeting men from these dating sites ... you really can’t be too careful and I’ve had pretty shitty experiences with people I thought I knew well, let alone complete strangers! So I’ve designed my own dating rules for when you meet someone for the first time:
1. Meet them in the day wherever possible
2. Only meet them for a drink – coffee is good – cos you can get away quickly if it’s not working out and they don’t expect the world!
3. Never have a meal with them on a first date, it’s far too personal and what the hell do you do if you find you don’t like them when you meet them ... you’re stuck with them then for at least a couple of hours and you have to watch them eat! Ewwwwww
4. Meet them somewhere YOU feel safe.
5. If you do meet them at night, make sure it’s a place with a well lit car park not too far from your home (not theirs), for obvious reasons
6. Make sure you tell someone what you're doing and where you're going
So, with this in mind, we agreed to meet on a Sunday afternoon at 3.00 pm for coffee (only he was quite patronising when I said ‘coffee’ ... I should have known then ...). However, when Sunday came I had to postpone. I’ve been having some work done in the house and my dad had come round that morning to put some shelves back up for me after having some walls plastered. Unfortunately, it took far longer to put them back than expected and as my dad was being such a star, I didn’t want to leave him while I met this bloke. So I texted Chipmonk and said that I needed to postpone. He seemed OK about it and we agreed to meet on the Thursday evening ... (Rule 1 - broken).
As I felt quite bad about having to cancel, when he said that we should meet in a bar that was 40 minutes from home, I felt I couldn’t really say no. Mistake ... you can ALWAYS say ‘no’ (Rule 4/5 – broken). You owe them nothing! Another lesson learned as you'll see ...
So, Thursday came around, it took me two hours to get home from work, I had 10 minutes to get ready and I got back in the car to travel the 40 minutes to meet him.
When I was about 2 minutes away I got a text from him saying he was in the bar. I had massive trouble finding a parking space and had to park in a rather dark side street (Rules 4/5 – broken ... again!). I darted out of the car and went as quickly as my 6 inch heels would let me to where we'd arranged to meet. When I got to the bar (which was upstairs), there was no-one around who even remotely looked like him or were on there own. I spoke to a waitress and she said that he may be in the bar downstairs, next door as people often got the two places mixed up.
So delicately (due to the heels!) I made my way back down the stairs and to the bar next door. Just as I was about to go in, he came out bounding out and have me a huge hug! Ewwwwwww I thought, “I don’t know you, geroff!” ... his aftershave was pongy too ... I thought it was all a bit weird. When I asked why wasn’t he in the bar we’d agreed to meet in, he said that he’d gone into the other bar to use the toilet!!!! What’s all that about!? And before you ask, of course there were toilets in the other bar!
Pretty much instantly, I knew he definitely wasn’t for me. I think the pleather jacket didn’t help. What is all that about? I’ve said it before ... remember Ferrari man back in March? If you can’t afford a leather jacket, don’t get a fake leather jacket ... they’re horrid and they don’t fool anyone! The main issue though (before I sound too shallow!) he was also at least 10 years older than the 45 years he said he was and totally unrecognisable from him picture ... what is all that about??? Why do people do that? ... they must honestly think that they look younger or that you won’t pick up on the fact that they lied or that they used a picture 10 years old. Weird! A bit like men who describe themselves as ‘Very Attractive’ ... don’t get that either! And he wore light coloured jeans in winter ... WRONG ... and a really horrible chunky gold chain. His skin was that kind of really sickly pale (read, 'recently been dug up') that comes from a really poor diet and too much alcohol ... anyway, you get the picture. All in all, not very pleasant and all night, all I could smell was his pongy aftershave every time I moved my head (it must have got on my hair when he hugged me ... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww).
Well lovelies ... I’m gonna have to leave it there for today ... things to do, people to see and all that. Actually, I’m off to have some champers ... it’s on offer all over the place you know, well it is nearly Xmas and there’s a recession on! I’ll finish the story tomorrow.
Until then ... be fabulous, you lovely people.
Love you lots.
Jx
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