The Expendables

Well, firstly let me apologise for the lack of posts over the last month or so.  I haven’t disappeared nor have I taken the summer off, I’ve just been working really hard on a couple of new projects that took every last bit of creativity.  I’m happy to say that I’ve done the bulk of the work so normal service can now resume!

I’d love to say that I’ve been up to some really exciting stuff (other than work) in the last month and therefore have loads to tell you about, however, sadly not!  I haven’t even been to the movies – it really has been all work and no play.

However, today, as a bit of a treat (oh dear, I can’t believe that I’m now classing going to the movies as a treat), I actually left the confines of my office and ventured out into the world (other than the supermarket ... that simply doesn’t count) and watched ‘The Expendables’.

Hmmmmm I’ve got lots to say about it and none of it good.  I really wanted to see ‘Brave’, ‘Dr Seuss’ or ‘Ice Age’ but I hate seeing kids films when there are kids about.  I can’t bear the little buggers kicking the back of my seat and the constant ‘up and down’ to visit the bathroom, so, against my better judgement (and after loving the new ‘Orange’ trailer with the cast of The Expendables, which is very funny) I decided to give it a shot.

Firstly what on earth is going on with those veterans’ faces?!  Holy moly!  Their faces where all lumpy and bumpy in quite the wrong places and they were tucked, pulled and pinched so that they were only vaguely recognisable as human!  I think that there must have been enough surplus skin removed from those guys to create a whole other person!  Most unnatural looking ... all except Jason Statham, but then again, he is at least 20 years younger than the youngest of the rest who included:

Stallone – now, his mouth/lips always did have a life of their own, but they seemed to have got even worse with age and the whole sub plot that a young (in her twenties) Chinese girl might find him attractive was, quite simply, ludicrous!  He also looked, for the most part, tired.  Like he’d just woken up ... which he probably had ... he’d probably been having forty winks in his Winnebago between scenes.

Arnie – Oh dear, he just looks permanently startled!  And the ‘I’ll be back’ quote ran a little thin the first time he said it ... let alone the fifth.

Van Dame – Again, lumpy!!! Very lumpy and why do men in their latter years insist on dying their hair black?  It’s rare to see a man in his twenties with black hair, so why these guys think they can get away with it I’ll never know.  I think it was a wig by the way.

Dolph Lundgren – Even lumpier ... Good head of hair though!  The script was particular poor with regards to him though.  It was embarrassing – I felt quite sorry for him.

Chuck Norris (who the hell is Chuck Norris?) – Well, he definitely won the ‘face lift gone wrong’ award ... hmmmmm rather alien like I thought, very strange.

Bruce Willis – was the only one of the geriatrics that still looked ‘normal’ ie little/no work done and he did the best with a bad job.

Jason Statham – If you read my blog regularly you’ll know I’m not a fan of his when he does an American accent, but I’m pleased to say that he kept it English for this film.  He was probably about the best in it, still mildly irritating though (with Willis a close second).

Liam Hemsworth – Well, I don’t really have anything bad to say about him.  He’s lovely.

So, in summary, those guys should leave the action stuff to the young ones.  It was embarrassing.  The screen play was diabolical and its 1.5 hours of my life I’ll never get back!

Just in case you want a taster, here’s the trailer...

 

 

Well that’s it for now lovelies.  I’m off for a lie down after all the excitement!  Enjoy your week and I’ll see you soon.  Be fabulous.

Lots of love.