Merry Christmas & Sore Buttocks!

Firstly, Merry Christmas to all my fabulous readers.  I've had well over 14,000 hits now, so for those of you who've stuck with me and encouraged me, I thank you … there'd be no point doing this if there was no-one reading it, so a mahoosive THANK YOU!

Well as I'm writing this it's 9.10 (it'll be later then I finish!) on Christmas Day and I have to say I think it's the best Christmas Day I've ever had … actually that's quite sad considering I'm on my own … sad but true!

I've spent the day on the beach reading and topping up the tan, had a very lovely lunch of tempura prawns and chicken satay, some more time on the beach, then time for a quick shower and a 2 hour Thai massage.  I'm now sitting at a beach side restaurant having a meal full of starters (starters are the best part of the meal so I like to just have more of them and don't bother with the main) and a couple of strawberry daiquiris … pure bliss.

Yep, all 3 dishes were for me!!!!!! (Feel a bit sick now!)

I've got to tell you about my massage - I had one a couple of days ago, that was a back and neck message and although it was really good, it did hurt like hell.  This time, as it's  Christmas and because I really have been suffering from back pain since I got here, I decided to treat myself to a full on Thai massage .  

Well it all started off very sedately and I began to think, "I really don't know what all the fuss is about here, this is all a bit butterfly like…. Humph"  How wrong way I … she lulled me into a false sense of security.  I have never know a women (let along a very slender 4' 10 woman) have such strong hands … elbows … knees … and feet … yes that's right feet!

I've had little Thai feet in places I didn't think that feet should ever go … in fact, I swear to God that woman saw more of me during that massage than previous boyfriends have.  At one point she was kneeling on my buttocks with her knees digging in to my glutes … now I'm quite boney and don't have much padding in that area … and I nearly shot through the roof!

Next minute, she stands up, puts her foot on my coccyx grabs hold of my ankles and pulls my feet up.  And she wasn’t finished there …. She then proceeds to kneel down, grab my wrists and pull my top half off the bed doing a full yoga back bend!

At the end of the massage I ended up sitting up with her behind me, next minute I know she's pushing my head towards my knees …. Now usually that wouldn't be a problem (what with me doing yoga and all), but I've got a bad back … ouch!

All in all, although it hurt like hell whilst she was doing it (and I'm sure it'll be worse tomorrow) it was the best massage I've ever had … it must be, I'm going back for another the day after tomorrow and apparently because of my back problems she's put me with a masseuse that's just come back from Bangkok and is her 'best lady'.  The mind boggles … I'll let you know how I get on.

Right lovelies … enjoy your Christmas, have fun with and cherish your family and friends (and don't forget to check in on any single friends you may have - we can forget others when we're all wrapped up with our own family - your call could make all the difference).  Oh before I go, I move hotels tomorrow so that should be good!  Until next time, be fabulous!

Merry Christmas!

Lots of love

Jx

Lovely Room, Thai Massage & Swollen Fingers

Well I've been here a few days now and have thoroughly slipped into island life.  I really can't imagine being anywhere else (not least in the cold and freezing whether back home … sorry guys!).  The weather here is fabulous, not too hot, slightly cooler than the Caribbean so no sweaty neck whilst you'e trying to eat dinner, with a constant but gentle breeze and as there are so many exotic smelling trees all around (the smell of fresh Jasmine is amazing), perfume just seems to float on the breeze.  I love it!

I've got to be honest, I haven't done much exploring yet … what I have done is a whole load of sleeping.  I actually can't believe how much sleeping I've been doing - although I do wake up at night - I seem to get getting at least 12 hours with another couple on the beach!

I'm happy to say that I moved hotels and tonight is my second night.  Here are some pics … soooooooo much nicer!  Ahhhhhhhhh I'm feeling far less stressed and much more in control now that have have a spotlessly clean room, bathroom and kitchen …. I don't know myself!  And in case you're thinking that I must have paid loads more to have an apartment, it is £2 per night more than the last 'shitty' hotel!  

The main bedroom - the door on the right is the kitchen, the left is the bathroom

The view from my window

The Beach

The pool

Today's lunch!

The pool is also beautiful here and it's right on the beach … the only downside is that there is a large group of Russians here who's kids are VERY noisy, but they don't bother with me and aren't around all the time.

I've been eating most of my meals in the same place … the first hotel I was in.  I was wrong about the food, it really is very good, I can't fault it.  I'm not a fan of Thai food in England and I now know why … it's because they don't/can't use fresh herbs … it makes such a difference … I’m a convert.  The Thai green curry here is to die for, as is the Pad Tai noodles - now I see why the restaurant (not the hotel) has such a fabulous reputation - people come from miles to eat here and it's now only a 5 minutes walk from where I'm staying.

Yesterday, I also had my first massage while I've been here, it was fabulous and it hurt like hell!  How those little Thai ladies have such strong hands I'll never know - I think I may be a bit bruised tomorrow - I also struggled to figure out what parts of her body she was using, I know elbows were in there, but I swear I felt a foot!  

When she'd finished, one of the other ladies translated for her and said that I was very tense and needed a lot of work to iron out the lumps - no shit Sherlock - so now I've found somewhere I like and it only costs £5 for nearly 2 hours, it's worth going back daily.  After all, the whole point of coming here was to look after myself and have a good chill/pamper!

Right lovelies, sorry there's nothing too controversial today, but I'm thinking that's a good thing!  Until next time, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

PS nearly forgot to say, I've had some humdinger bites - they've come up the size of duck eggs and when they go down, they leave a nasty bruise ... here's a couple of the one I had on my finger ... ouch! (Although I'm happy to announce that it's gone down loads since those pics were taken!)

I'm Here in Sunny Thailand!

Well after that grueling journey, I couldn't wait to get to my relatively 'luxury' room (or so my friend, who'd persuaded me to come here told me it was).   It was 11.00 pm when I finally reached the hotel and when I climbed out of the taxi, my heart just sank … it was like a third rate B&B at Blackpool.  

I signed all the paperwork I had to and then got taken to my room and, well, the best I can describe it as is a 'sh*t hole' literally a sh*t hole (I'll explain why I stress that in a bit).  The room was tired to say the least, it smelled of damp, there was paint flaking off the walls, there where no drawers, and only a half length open wardrobe  - then I opened the door into the bathroom and the stink just hit me … like raw sewage (this place is a detox spa and I later found out that people do their own colonic irrigation in their rooms so obviously the bathroom smelled of pooh that hadn't been properly cleaned away) …. I thought I was going to vomit.

I went straight down to reception - it was closed - so had to wait until the morning to do anything about it.  On closer inspection, the bathroom had the scuzziest shower you ever did see and not even any soap!  On top of all that, the noise from the busy road outside was almost deafening …. My heart just sank.  The only redeeming feature was that the bed was comfortable.  So I climbed in, read a bit and just tried to forget my surroundings.

I've got to be honest, I was really quite pleased with myself, usually I'd completely freak out about stuff like that, but hey there was nothing I could do until the morning so I just had to make the most of it and maybe, just maybe it might look better in the morning ….

… it didn't look better, nor did it smell better.  I managed to sleep quite a bit actually (which I was surprised about) and when it came around to 9.00 am, I really had to prise myself out of bed rather than stay there (I thought getting up would help me with the jet leg).  So I jumped as quickly as I could into the makeshift shower (wearing my flip flops all the time because I didn't want me bare feet to touch the floor), dried off  and hot footed it down to reception.

I explained that the room stank and that the road noise was deafening and that I wanted to move … no room at the inn!!!  That was the only room they had … the girl could see my distress (I actually really nearly started to cry) offered me another room nearer the beach (my so called friend told me there was no need to pay the extra £3 per room for one of those because it simply wasn't worth it …. Let me tell you, it was worth it!).  The only problem being that it was only available for 3 nights and then I would have to move again.  "I don't care!" says me, let's just do it.  So I literally scooped everything into my suitcase (it wasn't hard because I hadn't unpacked) and a kindly gentleman helped me move.  The new room was still a sh*t hole but, was relative luxury compared to the other room.  Here's the new room (I didn't take a picture of the other one … didn't stick around long enough!).

The Room

The Bathroom - the spray is for cleaning your own pooh away and I understand that the cauldren is so that you can catch your pooh before you flush it to see what's coming out ... *vomit*!

Another picture of the room - note the luxury wardrobe (complete with plastic hangers) that is below the light

A random nail sticking out of the wall above my pillow ... there was no headboard!

By this time it was 11.30 am and I was starving, so not having had a look at the rest of the resort (if you can call it that), I had a little wander round and sat down for something to eat.  While I was eating, I got talking to some people who said that I should try the hotel next door as it was far superior for around another £10/20 per night.  They were staying there and said to go an have a look with them … I did and it was like another world.  Sadly they don't have a room free for my whole stay, so what I've decided to do, is stay here for my 3 nights, keep popping back each day in the hope that the other hotel has a cancellation.  Failing that, I'll have a wander and see what other hotels there are.  Even if I have to move a couple of times whilst I'm here, it'll be worth it!

The positives are that the beach is amazeballs …. Beautiful.  There are also some rather gorgeous men too.  The food, although I've only had two meals seems really nice - albeit a bit too on the healthy side (if that's possible), you know the type of thing, it's all raw food this, candida diet that and people are really obsessive about super healthy eating … and I don't just mean liking the odd salad I mean, Vegan, Raw Foodies … I don't really get it if I'm honest … if we weren't meant to eat meat, why do we have canine teeth?!  Also, those people must have very different taste buds to me … it all tastes so bland. 

I was telling one lady about how I felt about raw food (she was a raw foodie) and she said, "Squeeze some lime juice on, it's amazing!" pmsl so is Chicken Tikka Masala and garlic naan from my local take away … but somehow a squeeze of lime juice on anything simply isn't going to do it for me!

Right lovelies, that's my first day done (only my first day! ) so keep tuned for more updates, it simply has to get better! Until next time, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

PS It's a few days after I wrote that post now and my new hotel is fabulous!  Tune in tomorrow for more ...

Travelling to Thailand

Well, it's the second day of traveling and it's still not really gone very smoothly.  On the flight I had a window seat and happened to have two rather burley Muslim guys sitting next to me.  To me there's nothing worse than having someone twice the size of me sitting next to me on a plane.  Somehow, they just can't stay in their own seats and seem to spill out on to mine.  So with the fact that we left 2 hours late (and boy was I panicking about my next connection) but I had to spend the whole 7 hours squished into a corner with barely a wink of sleep.  I did notice the difference between the two cultures quite starkly at one point …. I was watching Despicable Me 2 and the guy next to me was listening to the Koran.

So we landed in Dubai, 2 hours late - my connecting flight should have left but because it was the same Airline, Emirates, they decided to delay the flight (I think there were quite a few people transfering from our plane to the next so thank God they delayed it.

However, having landed and only being given half an hour to check in and board the next plane, tempers were more than a bit fraught.  We came off the plane to utter bedlam.  The staff didn't tell us what to do or where to go, they just kept shouting place names and tellling us to wait, all the time the clock was ticking.  I can't tell you how stressed I was, I really didn't want to miss that plan!

Eventually, we got told that we would have to go through bag check again (which was a bit of a joke because they'd just seen us come off one plane and the baggage check was right outside the door).  They also didn't bother checking any luggage that I could see apart from chucking it through an X-Ray machine.  But then again, I’m guessing that the risk of terrorist activity in

Well that was a bit of a nightmare.  Last plane landed at 7.20 pm and you'd think that with my next flight being at 9.00 that would give me plenty of time to get from one gate to another.  Wrong … very wrong … when I checked my bag in in Manchester, the woman had only booked it through to Bangkok and not to my final destination, Koh Samui.  So, I had to wait for the walkway to be attached, the first and business class to disembark, then us in cattle class where let off.  I think had to go out through customs (it was 8.05 by this time - thank God it wasn't the Caribbean, I could have still been there now!!) and while I was waiting for my bag, I thought I'd better tell someone that I was in the airport and that I would check in as soon as possible.  

Turns out that was the right thing to do - a lovely man took me to the baggage desk, checked that my luggage had arrived (thank The Lord) and phoned through to book me in.  I then had to wait for my case (which took another 10 minutes …. I was starting to sweat … by the way, I was wearing a new toffee coloured  Juicy with bronze heeled Carvela trainers and a Louis Vuitton leopard scarf, gorgeous beige mulberry tote and leopard print carry on case - just in case you were wondering and juicy velour may be marvelous for doing long haul journey's in, but in warm countries, the toweling ones are better.  

So, at this point, I'm erm glowing and when I finally made it to the gate (which is where I'm typing this) I thought I'd take the jacket off - big mistake.  I'd worn a white vest top underneath and as I'd put my false tan on the day before (not wanting to use a sunbed but not wanting to arrive on the beach looking paler than pale) because I really was 'glowing' my tan had transferred to my top so not only did I have nasty sweat marks around my middle, they were a browny orange colour from my tan … Nice!

Awwww you've gotta laugh.  So I'm sitting at the gate, waiting to board, feeling very tired, hot and a bit sweaty.  Let's hope it'll be all worth it when I get there.  Right lovelies, more tomorrow, until then, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

New Holiday Shinanigans!

Well you just knew that it couldn't start smoothly.  I guess I'd better backtrack at bit here.  Firstly, let me apologise for the lack of posts over the last few months - things have been decidedly hectic and actually I've got so much to tell you about:

1. I've gone for new eyebrow tattoos - hmmmm not great
2. I've been to my first 'Single's Night' with the lovely Justine - hmmmmmmm REALLY not great
3. I've seen numerous films (most of which have long since disappeared from movie theatres)
4. I've got new nails - false ones
5. Not least of all, I've bought my 74 year old dad an iphone for Christmas so that we can FaceTime while I'm away!

… plus a whole host of other things, most of which I can't remember (because I haven't written them down - that's what happens when I don't blog!).

Well, I will get to all of the above in due course, but what I wanted to spring on you (usually I have quite a build up to this) but I'm actually away on my jollyhollybobs …  I completely snook that one in!  I'm currently in the Departure lounge at Manchester airport (with a cheeky Prosecco, surrounded my numerous duty free items - the most coveted for me is Jo Malone's Pomegranate perfume -  my lovely friend Nicky was wearing a few weeks ago and I just loved it and had to have it!).

I'm also happy to announce that I have a new gadget that will help me write my posts more easily whilst I'm away.  Usually I use the crummy keyboard that comes on my iPad, but as I've just had new nails fitted and because I actually touch type rather than looking at the keys, I just couldn't type fast enough without it looking like gobbledygook, so I've invested in a new keyboard that my laptop slots into and that also doubles as a cover -  plus I've downloaded a  really fab App that let's me write and post pictures and links etc which are easily transferable onto my blog.  Fantastic … I'm loving it.

So, where am I off to?  Thailand,  Koh Samui , a small island off the coast of Thailand to be exact - for 3 whole weeks of R&R.  I've never been to Asia before nor have I ever been away for more than two weeks at a time - I'm also as usual, going on my own and I've got to be honest, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't more than a bit nervous.  

Why haven't have a gone to the Caribbean again?  Well it was going to cost at least 4 times as much for only 2 weeks, so it was a bit of a no brainer really.  I'm staying at one of those detox spas - you know the type, all yoga, raw food, meditation and colonics (although I hasten to add that they do have fabulous ratings for being the best restaurant on the island, and they do real food too - not just rabbit sh*t … I've checked!).  

A couple of weeks ago I had bronchitis, laryngitis, popped three ribs and 2 vertebrae (coughing) and my doctor told me, with a considerable flourish "What else did you expect when you haven't had any time off work for a year!?"  She then promptly informed me that my body was shutting down … nice!  So here I am, waiting for my pomme frites (chips to you and me - well my UK readers anyway) with my second glass of prosecco writing this.

Now I've given you the background, let's get back to what I started with …. You couldn't expect it to go smoothly … remember the time that the zip broke on my case when I was putting it into the taxi on the way to the airport? Or the time my suitcase went missing?  Well, it's not quite that bad, but it's not that good either!

My beautiful friend Gemma asked me if I wanted her to drive me to the airport as a taxi was going to cost £70 return - well, I kindly accepted her gracious offer, how could I refuse?  She picked me up with more than enough time (I learned that one from the case debacle) and we made it to the airport with ooodles of time to spare.

I said my goodbyes and headed off to check in.  Beforehand I'd very carefully weighed my main bag (and got quite excited when I realised that with Emirates you get 30KG allowance … wooooohooooo) and as I thought I may want to bring quite a bit back, I decided not to fill to capacity, but to put quite a bit in my hand luggage … mistake … HUGE mistake.

I got to the checkin and the lovely lady said that she needed to weigh my hand luggage - that's never happened to me before - she said, "Sorry but your 3KG over limit" me … PANIC!  Then she said, "Let's weigh your main bag" and low and behold, that came in at 26KG, so she said, "quickly transfer as much stuff as you can into your big bag" which I did without question.  She weighed it again, "that's fine" phew!

She then handed me my boarding passes told me that the plane was running 80 minutes late, when she registered my panic (I had two other connecting flights) she calmly informed me that I still had plenty of time to get my connecting flight at Dubai to Bangkok and I was free to leave.  

I wandered over to passport security and on the way somehow  managed to tear my boarding pass (does this stuff happen to anyone else or is it really just me?).  I asked the gentleman at the boarder pass bit whether it would be a problem and apparently it would, so I had to go back and get another printed and marched back to passport control, entered the barriers no problem, stripped off all my jewellery etc (cos I always set those damn alarms off), waited to be called through the scanner and was extremely happy when the alarm didn't go off.

However, my elation was short lived, my hand luggage got sectioned off to search.  My heart sank … now, you're probably thinking, so what? This is normal stuff, but I have such a phobia about passport control that it really does freak me out.  Cut another long story short, I had put my liquids in a clear plastic bag but forgot about the foundation (and other cosmetics) that I keep in that bag ever since I forgot my makeup when I was on a business trip about 6 months ago (I think I told you about that).  I'm such a mad woman - so that anguish was entirely self inflicted as it usually is.

Anyway, we are where we are … I've written my first blog post for ages, I've shopped, I've had Prosecco and chips, so actually, it could always be worse!

Tune in tomorrow for more updates on my epic journey … I just realised that I haven't mentioned, I fly from Manchester to Dubai, from Dubai to Bangkok and then Bangkok to Koh Samui - 24 hours traveling time, so I'm sure there'll be loads more to tell you about.  Until then lovely people, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx