Well after that grueling journey, I couldn't wait to get to my relatively 'luxury' room (or so my friend, who'd persuaded me to come here told me it was). It was 11.00 pm when I finally reached the hotel and when I climbed out of the taxi, my heart just sank … it was like a third rate B&B at Blackpool.
I signed all the paperwork I had to and then got taken to my room and, well, the best I can describe it as is a 'sh*t hole' literally a sh*t hole (I'll explain why I stress that in a bit). The room was tired to say the least, it smelled of damp, there was paint flaking off the walls, there where no drawers, and only a half length open wardrobe - then I opened the door into the bathroom and the stink just hit me … like raw sewage (this place is a detox spa and I later found out that people do their own colonic irrigation in their rooms so obviously the bathroom smelled of pooh that hadn't been properly cleaned away) …. I thought I was going to vomit.
I went straight down to reception - it was closed - so had to wait until the morning to do anything about it. On closer inspection, the bathroom had the scuzziest shower you ever did see and not even any soap! On top of all that, the noise from the busy road outside was almost deafening …. My heart just sank. The only redeeming feature was that the bed was comfortable. So I climbed in, read a bit and just tried to forget my surroundings.
I've got to be honest, I was really quite pleased with myself, usually I'd completely freak out about stuff like that, but hey there was nothing I could do until the morning so I just had to make the most of it and maybe, just maybe it might look better in the morning ….
… it didn't look better, nor did it smell better. I managed to sleep quite a bit actually (which I was surprised about) and when it came around to 9.00 am, I really had to prise myself out of bed rather than stay there (I thought getting up would help me with the jet leg). So I jumped as quickly as I could into the makeshift shower (wearing my flip flops all the time because I didn't want me bare feet to touch the floor), dried off and hot footed it down to reception.
I explained that the room stank and that the road noise was deafening and that I wanted to move … no room at the inn!!! That was the only room they had … the girl could see my distress (I actually really nearly started to cry) offered me another room nearer the beach (my so called friend told me there was no need to pay the extra £3 per room for one of those because it simply wasn't worth it …. Let me tell you, it was worth it!). The only problem being that it was only available for 3 nights and then I would have to move again. "I don't care!" says me, let's just do it. So I literally scooped everything into my suitcase (it wasn't hard because I hadn't unpacked) and a kindly gentleman helped me move. The new room was still a sh*t hole but, was relative luxury compared to the other room. Here's the new room (I didn't take a picture of the other one … didn't stick around long enough!).
The Room
The Bathroom - the spray is for cleaning your own pooh away and I understand that the cauldren is so that you can catch your pooh before you flush it to see what's coming out ... *vomit*!
Another picture of the room - note the luxury wardrobe (complete with plastic hangers) that is below the light
A random nail sticking out of the wall above my pillow ... there was no headboard!
By this time it was 11.30 am and I was starving, so not having had a look at the rest of the resort (if you can call it that), I had a little wander round and sat down for something to eat. While I was eating, I got talking to some people who said that I should try the hotel next door as it was far superior for around another £10/20 per night. They were staying there and said to go an have a look with them … I did and it was like another world. Sadly they don't have a room free for my whole stay, so what I've decided to do, is stay here for my 3 nights, keep popping back each day in the hope that the other hotel has a cancellation. Failing that, I'll have a wander and see what other hotels there are. Even if I have to move a couple of times whilst I'm here, it'll be worth it!
The positives are that the beach is amazeballs …. Beautiful. There are also some rather gorgeous men too. The food, although I've only had two meals seems really nice - albeit a bit too on the healthy side (if that's possible), you know the type of thing, it's all raw food this, candida diet that and people are really obsessive about super healthy eating … and I don't just mean liking the odd salad I mean, Vegan, Raw Foodies … I don't really get it if I'm honest … if we weren't meant to eat meat, why do we have canine teeth?! Also, those people must have very different taste buds to me … it all tastes so bland.
I was telling one lady about how I felt about raw food (she was a raw foodie) and she said, "Squeeze some lime juice on, it's amazing!" pmsl so is Chicken Tikka Masala and garlic naan from my local take away … but somehow a squeeze of lime juice on anything simply isn't going to do it for me!
Right lovelies, that's my first day done (only my first day! ) so keep tuned for more updates, it simply has to get better! Until next time, be fabulous.
Lots of love
Jx
PS It's a few days after I wrote that post now and my new hotel is fabulous! Tune in tomorrow for more ...
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