Let the Craziness Begin!

My Second Foray into Internet Dating ...

OMG, you’re gonna love this.  I got a message on the dating website from a guy who I thought sounded really nice.  My lovely colleague, Mehreen, is forever pushing me to get on with dating (I definitely wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t for her constant erm … cajoling!) and when I told her about the message, she told me that I must send him a text. 

Unfortunately, there was no picture on his profile (I should learn to stop there … there’s always something odd about them when they don’t put on a photo … but me being ever the optimist ….), however, in his message he said that he’d send me a photo if I texted him, as he was in Spain and wasn’t able to email (again, ‘Live and Learn Jx, Live and Learn!’).  So I texted him thanking him for his message and asking for a photo.  Low and behold, I received a lovely picture exactly like the man he described himself to be on his profile, talk, dark and handsome (that almost never happens – usually they are a good 10 to 20 years older than they say they are, with dodgy looking facelifts or white hair and a huge handle bar moustache … I kid you not!).

Mehreen and I got a bit excited!  He asked me for a picture (although there are 3 on the dating website … now I’ve figured that he must have forgotten who I was, as he probably sends messages to every woman on the site), which I sent … he seemed to like it and asked where I lived … bla bla bla … so for a little while, Mehreen and I giggled (it was all very girly) and I had a little daydream about the possibilities! 

However, that wasn't to last very long.  As I tried to get on with my work with a nice little warm feeling inside, I heard my phone beep, it was a text, from him I guessed ... I jumped right on it, getting a bit excited at the thought that I actually might have met someone normal and attractive!  (I've got one of those new Iphone 4s so the text and any associated pictures appear straight on the screen) and there it was ... or should I say, there HE was in all his glory! He'd sent photo of himself half naked with a towel just about covering his jiggly bits.  OMG I nearly fell off my swivel chair!  What is it with these guys?  I couldn’t believe it!  I told Mehreen and asked whether she wanted to see it … well she wasn’t going to say no was she!  So we both had a little oggle and decided that he was a bit podgy and there were better bodies in the gym!  Surely if you were going to show off your body in that fashion, you’d make sure you had a proper six pack, not just try and suck your stomach in … FYI, sucking in your naked stomach not only looks very odd, it does NOT make you look slimmer and doesn't affect your love handles (if you have them) in anyway … they'll still be there!

I then got a text from him saying “Like?”  Well what the hell do you say to something like that! I decided not to reply … but went and had my eyebrows done at Harvey Nicks Urban Retreat as a pick me up.  Well I needed a treat after that shock!  It’s very weird what they do with your eyebrows (mine are very thin due to 80’s over plucking), first they dye them, then wax them, then pluck them then thread them!  They did look better after though, however, I did have an angry red mark between the two brows!

Anyway, I digress …. I got a further two text messages from ‘Mr I Love Me, Who Do you Love’ last night.  One was just and “X” and another 20 minutes later saying “Shall I delete your number x”.  I did think of a million different responses that I’d love to send, however, I thought “What would Mehreen tell me to do?” (she can be very sensible) and decided not to bother answering at all … that’s a major feat in itself … as you’re no doubt aware by now, I always have something to say!  I haven’t heard anything back from him … so I’m guessing he’s deleted my number!

Well that’s yesterday’s little bit of news … as I’ve said before, there’s never a quiet moment!  I joined another site last night, so let’s see what today brings.

Have a fabulous day, you lovely people.

Love

Jx

What a Lovely Weekend!

Well, this weekend was fab!  Busy, but fab.  Friday, I chilled … as you do with a nice bottle of wine, obviously.  Saturday, I’d booked a massage (on the instruction of my Chiropractor and the advice of all the therapists I saw while I was on holiday) to ensure that the knots in my back don’t build up.  However, the best I can describe it as ‘lack lustre’, in fact, my neck was worse when I came out than when I went in.  Ho hum … we live and learn.

Saturday evening I went with my friends Vivien and Diane to Haydock Race Course to watch the racing (boring!) and Tom Jones (not boring!).  Luckily it was a lovely bright evening (although a bit cold later on) with no rain! Yay!  That’s such a bonus when you’re outside … I think I could have managed until about 7.00 pm had it been raining.

The best part of the evening (besides Sir Tom) was the people watching.  I don’t gamble, so sitting/standing with a large glass of vino in the Champagne bar watching the massive array of frocks was a sight to behold!  I love people watching at the best of times but it’s even better when there’s such a multitude of frocks, tans, eyelashes and big hair involved (and I’m not talking about me there … you cheeky buggers … I know what you were thinking!).  It was like something from The Only Way is Essex meets the Real Housewives of Orange County … not that I watch those programmes of course, but you can’t miss pictures of them in the papers!  I was amazed at some of the creations … totally amazed.  I have no clue where people even manage to buy some of the clothes that were on display ... even I was shocked!

As for Sir Tom … well, he’s always magnificent … even if you don’t like his music (I was pleased to hear that he did a lot of Blues numbers, although Diane was particularly put out at the lack of ‘Delilah’ type songs *J shakes head with disbelief*) you can’t deny that his voice is still amazing, and I’m pleased to say that I didn’t notice any inappropriate butt wobbling by him this time.  Probably cos we weren’t behind him … phew!

Sunday, was lovely.  Took my wonderful dad (our Gerry) out for Sunday lunch with it being father’s day, to a local pub that does freshly prepared food … not of that pre-packed rubbish … he loved his mixed grill and home made bread and butter pudding … I pushed the boat out and had sherry trifle for desert!  That evening I went to the pictures with my friend Paul to see (yum yum) Johnny Depp in ‘Pirates’.  Loved it!  I have no clue why it’s been slated.  I loved it … it’s well worth a watch if you haven’t seen it yet.

We went to the Cinema at the Odeon at Liverpool One and got tickets for the Premier Lounge.  It was something like one of those airport lounges that you pay £25 for (with large glass floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the city).  It cost £22 each (I believe that it’s cheaper in the week) and that included entrance to the film with extra large seats and extra leg room plus all the soft drinks, popcorn, tacos you could eat – oh, and Quality Street … can’t forget those!  The lounge also had a bar, so you could have alcohol too … I was driving though … but it was still all very lovely.

So all in all a very nice weekend was had.  I’ve not got much planned for this week, but I have joined another couple of dating sites, so I’m sure I’ll have plenty to tell you ….

Oh, well I might as well tell you a couple now … I’ve had an email from a slimey looking guy with a very dodgy facelift (proclaiming to be 57 … yeah right … if he’s 57 I’m 18) saying that he’ll pay £20K to a charity if I go to Paris with him! … Do women really fall for this s*ite?  And another asking what size my boobs are!  Hysterical!  You’ve gotta laugh and at least it’ll give me content for my blog to keep you guys amused.  So wish me luck … I’m gonna need it!

Until next time … have a wonderful week and be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

PS - Tune in tomorrow, I've got some more dating tales from this morning's activities ... unbelievable!

Holiday Top Tips!

I’ve had quite a few requests to give some info about my holiday wardrobe (goodness me, how I love to shop!) and my holiday top tips.  I’m always spouting top holiday tips at home and away to just about anyone who’ll listen … I just can’t help myself!  So you’re not getting away that easily either … here goes …

My Holiday Top Tips

1. Mosquito countries – If you’re flying to countries that have lots of mozzies, I’m told taking garlic capsules at least week before you go, helps with bites (although I haven’t tried this yet, I’m assured that it works).  Also taking anti-histamine tablets is meant to stop the blighters – I haven’t tried this either but it’s worth a go.  I don’t use mozzie spray any more cos I still get bitten even when I’ve sprayed and I can’t stand the smell.  I didn’t get bitten as much this time, I think it was due to the amount of champers floating around my bloodstream, but when I do, I use boots anti-histamine bite cream to stop the itch.
2. Keeping to your luggage allowance – Don’t bother packing your toiletries … buy them at the airport … there’s always a ‘Boots’.  I take a little wheelie bag with me and fill up on toiletries including suntan cream once I’m through customs at the airport (plus my duty free of course!).  I can’t understand why you’d use your luggage allowance for toiletries when you could fit in at the very least a couple of extra pairs of shoes!
3. Don’t peel – for a couple of weeks before you go away (in fact I do this all year round); use exfoliation gloves (about £2.99 in Boots or the Bodyshop) in the shower.  They are gloves that are used with your shower gel to remove dead skin cells.  Just pop them on, squirt on some shower gel, shower as usual, then moisturise, moisturise, moiturise!  Take the gloves away with you and they help to get rid of all the slimy suntan lotion, sand and general grubbiness at the end of the day and leave your skin nice and soft … I guarantee if you use them before, during and after holidays, you won’t peel! 
4. Aftersun – I haven’t found any aftersun lotion that works anything like as well as the Bodyshop’s coconut body butter.  Used in conjunction with the exfoliation gloves it is superbly moisturising, sinks into the skin well and leaves it feeling soft and silky
5. Keep your locks in good nick – If you’ve got long hair, run some extra strength conditioner through your hair daily, don’t rinse out and tie it in a knot on top of your head.  I love Ojon oil from www.qvcuk.com.  It doesn’t come out until you wash it out and stops sun/sea/chlorine penetrating the hair.  I usually need lowlights when I come back from holiday as the sun bleaches my hair even more, but this time I didn’t as the sun didn’t penetrate the conditioner.
6. Don’t upgrade, buy extra leg room – On long haul flights I used to always upgrade, however, on one flight I couldn’t so I bought extra leg room instead.  What a revelation!  Even more room that I had on an upgrade … especially if you bag a seat next to the doors.
7. Don’t feel the burn – For skin that’s sunburned, the very best thing I’ve ever seen or heard of (besides pure Aloe Vera) is Hawaiian Tropic After Sun Cooling Gel with Cool Aloe available at www.amazon.co.uk and, I think, Boots.  It is amazing.  I’ve never seen anything work as quickly as this on even quite nasty burns (not on me you understand, I try my damnedest never to burn!  Brown is a much better colour than red!).  It’s always worth having some of this with you, especially if you have a family.
8. Keeping your tan without going orange – No sooner are you home than your tan seems to disappear – I’m reliably told that it’s something to do with the fact that you blood goes to the surface of the skin to cool down when you’re in a hot country making you look browner, but does the exact opposite in a cold/cooler climate.  The king of all tan prolongers (and I’ve tried them all) is definitely Xen Tan Transform Luxe – you can get it from Selfridges or more cheaply on line.  Fab smell (not foul like St Tropez etc), wonderful deep bronze colour.  Their full on fake tan are about the best too.  They stay on much longer than other brands and have a much more realistic colour without the pong.

Yum, Yum … Clothes!

I’m really fond of maxi dresses at the mo.  I especially like those created by the American designer, Gypsy 05 – their strapless silk ones are perfect for holiday (I got 7 of their dresses for this holiday a mixture of daytime and evening) and you can’t go wrong with Next for the more affordable, but fab maxis. 

There’s only really one place I’ve found in the UK that sell Gypsy 05 dresses, www.spoiledbrat.com – I like clothes that are a bit different and if you wade through the sea of Jordan (aka Katie Price) type clothing, you can find some really different stuff on this site (I recently bought a lovely little leather – very different - Muubaa (move over Cheryl Cole!) jacket from them that was reduced by £100 … bargain)  Alternatively I ordered the dresses from either the Gypsy 05 website, www.gypsy05.com or another fab American website that sells oodles of new up and coming American designers, www.shopthetrendboutique.com.  Top tip for The Trend Boutique, order their super quick International delivery and it isn’t held up at customs, nor do you pay a customs fee.  You also can’t go wrong with ‘www.asos.com’ for holiday clothes … they have everything from high street to designer and everything in between.

I also ordered a couple of the most beautiful kaftans from swimsuit designers www.Zeugari.com,  however, when they arrived, the embellishments were so heavy that I couldn’t take them away with me … they weighed too much - 2KG for the 2!.  Still they’re super gorgeous and I’ve worn them as dresses at home with little slips under … another top tip there.

My bikinis are a mixture of designer and high street.  I love Peruvian designer, Aguaclara, www.aguaclara.co.uk, however, their bikinis aren’t always practical for tanning (too many lines in odd places!), but you cannot beat River Island www.riverisland.com  for high street.  Fabulous range!

Day dresses are a mixture of Juicy Couture, more Gypsy 05, French Connection, Accessorize, All Saints and locally bought sarongs.  I love a good sarong, you can do so much with them.  In fact, I gave the girls at work a demo the other day with my scarf … I can be so sad sometimes!

Anyway, that’s it for now.  If I can think of anything else, I’ll let you know.

Have fun and be even more fabulous than usual!

Jx

PS.  Boys, sorry if I bored you with this one!

PPs. Sorry for the Italic text ... can't seem to remove it!

Wonderful St Lucia - Part 3

Well, it’s taken over a week to get over the jet lag, although I think it was more about getting over lack of sleep.  I’m not good with little/no sleep.  I’ve made some rather large decisions - just need to get the action going– regarding work and play.  Will keep you informed.

The weekend was pretty uneventful.  I was supposed to be watching Pirates (Yum yum Johnny Depp with Paul, but he wasn’t well, Paul I mean, not Johnny!), so I did nothing Friday except drink a bottle of bubbles and finished reading the last Harry Potter – of course I’ve read it before, I just couldn’t remember any of it.  That’s one of the perks of having a rubbish memory, you can watch films and read books again and again and you’re still surprised at the ending!

Saturday was nails, toes (gold minx to be exact – if you’re not familiar with them, they’re like foil with glue on the back which you stick on your toes … very effective … Katy Perry, Beyonce and those types have them) and hair.  Feel much better now.  Almost back to normal.  Sunday was a write off.  I did mean to go to the gym and at least do some ironing, however, I seemed to get stuck by invisible glue (or it could be sticky, spilt/congealed wine from Friday) to my couch and didn’t move all day … tell a lie, I did pop to Asda for food, but you can’t count that. 

So that’s my holiday and first week back.  Looking forward to seeing Tom Jones this weekend … I gotta tell you a quick story before I go … I went to see Tom Jones years ago (can’t even remember where, but he was already getting on a bit).  He was on one of those centre stages, you know the ones where the audience is all round, well he had his back to us and wiggled his bum in a kind of geriatric jiggle … however, far after the song was over, his bum carried on wiggling … and not in a good way!  I’m scarred for life I tell ya!  Scarred for life!  Saturday should be fun though.  Apart from that, not much planned for this week … other than the gym … groan.

Oh and the sales are on and for the first time ever, I’ve decided to give em a miss!  Yes, you read right … I’m not doing the sales this year … and Selfridges sale is on and I’m working in Manchester City Centre!  How good am I?  Hmmmm we’ll see.

Hope you’re all having a good week J

Lots of love

Jx

PS Ooooo, I’ve just remembered another little bit from my hols.  There was a lady in my second week that did nothing but moan.  You know the type, it’s too hot, my arms are too big, men are b*stards, my life’s a mess; I’m too fat bla bla bla.  OMG … I try to be as positive as possible (sometimes I don’t find it easy, but it doesn’t stop me trying) and find it really hard to be around constantly negative people without their negativity rubbing off … so I try to avoid them like the plague!  This woman was like a flamin’ Dementor … if you sat with her for more than 5 minutes and you could feel all the hope and happiness draining from you – she just kinda sucked it out.  When I asked what she did for a living … counselling!  Could you imagine?  I wonder what her survival rate is.  Nightmare!  (FYI I think Michelle, who I mentioned in an earlier post) would probably disagree with me over this … she’s much nicer and far more tolerant than me :-)

 

PPS – Watch out for my holiday Top Tips!  Loads of people (honestly, loads!) have asked me to write them down – I’ve got a top tip for just about everything  :-) - so I will do.  I’ve half written it so I'll post the blog later in the week. 

Wonderful St Lucia! Part 2

Welcome back, lovely people to Part 2 of my holiday memoires (doesn't that sound posh! lmao)

... I also got on extremely well with the resort staff.  There were a lot of ex-pats working there and as I’d become part of the furniture, I got invited to the Sunset cruise on a large Catamaran, the Friday before I left on the Sunday.  That was a howl!  We left port about 5.00 pm … then straight on the rum punch (NB that’s the only time I varied from champers or the odd glass of vino at dinner) and wow, did it pack a punch.  Three of them and I was well away, dancing to ‘Cent, 5 Cent, 10 Cent, Dollar’!!! (If you’ve ever been to the Caribbean and done a boat trip, you’ll know that song … and the steps/movements to it) haven’t laughed so much in years and my hips still aren’t right from all that gyrating!  It was a fab night … I enjoyed myself so much.  Then we went back to the hotel and had Champers and B-B-Q then a boogie – what a wonderful night!

So literally, that was my holiday … sun, spa, more sun, reading, more sun, dip in the sea, Pims, reading, sun, sun, dip in the sea, reading, more Pims, sun … tea (which included tiny sandwiches with the crusts cut off and 2/3 glasses of champers) reading, shower, more champers, dinner with champers/vino, more champers, dancing, champers, bed. Phew … it was full on as you can see!  Oh and I did read six books … not all chick lit some a little more demanding … I’m very cultured on the quiet … NOT!

So after a most wonderful, relaxing holiday (it took the full two weeks of daily massages plus two extra, specialist Indian massages – the guy, Hari, hit all the pressure points and used his elbows on suborn knots … now that was painful – to get all the knots out.  I’ve been advised to makes some changes to my lifestyle as apparently, it shouldn’t take that much work!) I had the trip home, which I can only describe as a bleedin’ nightmare!

I got up at 7.00 am (I hadn’t packed and my case was being picked up at 9.00 thanks to Virgin’s ‘check in and chill’ – dunno about that cos I then had 3 hours to kill with no gear!).  Had my massage at 9.00 am, then had brekkie, met one of the managers for a drink at 11.00 and was picked up at 12.30 for the 1.5 hour journey back to the airport … why oh why I didn’t get the helicopter?

Spent 3 hours at the airport, boarded plane (thinking I was very happy cos there was no one next to me and I could lie down, with it being a night flight), then the people behind me emerged … with an 18 month old child!  Great.  Who the hell takes an 18 month old child on a 9 hour night flight????  Who eh? Who?  Flamin’ selfish idiots that’s who … and if that’s you … I make no apologies … you should be shot at dawn!  That child screamed from the moment we took off to the moment we landed.  I didn’t get even 10 minutes of sleep and I was ready to kill someone!!

We got off the plane at 5.30 am (time delay of 5 hours between St Lucia and home) and my night flight to Manchester was at 10.30 am … a whole 5 hours of sitting around at Gatwick.  Did I try to change my flight?  You’re damn right I did … couldn’t do it.  So I just had to sit it out … whilst getting more and more antsy.  I didn’t dare to sit near people who were talking cos I wanted to bite their heads off!  I was so stressed.  I can laugh about it now, but it wasn’t funny at the time.  I remember listening to some big fat broad (read common … sorry!) northern woman warbling on in pigeon English to an elderly Italian lady, boasting about where she’d travelled in the world … I slipped away quietly before the voices in my head could act!

Finally, I boarded the plane and landed promptly at 12.30, to be picked up and swiftly taken home by my friend Paul.  Huge, mahoosive thanks to Paul.  When I got home, I showered, put some washing in (the washing machine died … nice!) and my dad came round for a visit.  It was about 6.00 pm before I got some sleep, well over 24 hours without sleep does not make Jo a very happy girl.

That's it for now folks ... be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Wonderful St Lucia! Part 1

Wow, it’s been a while … how remise of me!

Truth is, I’ve had nothing exciting to report … I know, I know, not like me at all.  It’s been a depressingly quite couple of months … until I went on holiday … yay!  Two weeks at a luxury, all inclusive spa resort (with all the Champagne you can drink!) on the beautiful Caribbean island of St Lucia … what can I say?  Did I enjoy it … Hell yeah!

It was the most amazing place.  All inclusive included (as I’ve already said, but at the risk of repeating myself) champagne, a 50 minute spa treatment per day (facial, full body massage … you know the drill), all water sports (not that I tried any), sessions with a personal trainer (not the kind of training I was interested in … say no more), gym, aerobics, yoga, tai chi, tennis, golf etc etc.

So what did I do each day?  Have my spa treatment in the morning, and then sit on the beach for the rest of the day.  Why the hell would you want to do all the other stuff when you can sit on a beautiful beach and put a little red flag in the sand when you want a drink???? – Oh and before I forget, at 11.00 am and 3.00 pm (besides the drinks you could get all day long) they brought jugs of Pims and cold towels for those of use sweating it out on the beach … bliss … sheer bliss.

Did I do any exercise?  Well, if you count the 72 steps (yes I counted them) up to the spa that I had to endure each morning and the token swim I did each day (up to 20 strokes, at least!), oh and the exercise my elbow and hand got lifting the champers glass to my mouth … that was the sum total J

I’m quite proud of the fact that I was horizontal (and not in that way ‘tut’, filthy minds) that I had a numb bum at the end of the holiday.  People were quite shocked that I had no intention of exercising.  However, these were mainly people who do no exercise at home … they just come away and exercise for 2 weeks and then try and make me feel bad!

I met a real mix of people, as different people were coming and going all the time, mainly from the UK, Canada and the East Coast of America.  I met some really lovely and some really not so lovely people … it was a very eclectic mix. Luckily I met a couple of nice girls on the treacherous 1.5 hour journey from the airport to the resort.  I say treacherous as the road was long and windy, up into the hills, with large chunks of road completely missing down the ravines (due to the last round of hurricanes), it was scary in places I can tell you.  It didn’t take long to see why most people had opted for the 10 minute helicopter ride instead.

I’m not gonna name names here, but the two girls couldn’t have been more different, one was black, one was white … VERY white … so white that she couldn’t go out into the sun without factor 50, and then she burned! …. So, why would someone who fries like a goddamn vampire at high noon decide to come to a hot hot hot country?  Bizarre … I never really got an answer to that, but did get loads and loads of her whinging about how hot it was, how she couldn’t stand it, how she couldn’t walk over the courtyard to the loo without burning cos she hadn’t put her lotion on … bla bla bla … drove me freaking mad!!!!  I also got a whole week of her work problems … aaaarrrrrrrrrgh!  I thought I was going to kill her!

On the other hand, my new black friend was lovely, lovely, lovely … and I missed her so much when she left (both girls were only staying for a week).  So the night they both left, I had dinner on the communal table.  That was freaky … picture a table full 30/40 something business women, of course there were some lovely ones (I’ll get to them later), then there were the competitive ones … you know the sort, ‘Daddy this’, ‘Daddy that’ … ‘Daddy bought me a pony and a Maserati for my birthday’ … ‘I’m a lawyer’, ‘well I’m a judge’, ‘well I run Enron’ – ‘well you all look like you’ve got sticks up your asses’ thinks me … phew, exhausting … hated it and really wanted to go home.

However, I did strike up a friendship with Michelle and Chrissie who arrived around that time.  They were such lovely people and amazingly good fun.  Michelle is a fantastic listener and really helped me work a few things out (I always use my holidays to re-evaluate – it’s the only time I’m not like a headless chicken, hence my wish just to lie on a beach and do nothing for two weeks).  I can’t wait to see them again.  I’m sure we’ll keep in touch.

That’s one of the fab things about holidays; you meet so many interesting people.  Some nice, some not so nice … just it’s nice to keep in touch with the ones you get on with. 

Well that's it for now ... time waits for no woman and all that ... more tomorrow!

Have a good day :-)

Jx