Radical Action Required - More Dating Nightmares!

 

Right well, I told you that I’d changed my profile pictures on the dating site that I’m on, well I have been well and truly inundated by ... exactly the same men that inundated me when I first joined, sending me exactly the same messages as they sent first time round, they have simply looked at the new pictures, not read the profile or my user name and figured I’m new to the site, ergo ‘fair game’. 

How can I can tell that they are exactly the same messages when you know I have such a lousy memory?  Because even if we had both deleted the original message(s), they are automatically attached to any new ones, so the conversation continues ... it’s been hysterical, they just cut and paste their messages, typos an' all (seriously guys, if you're going to use a template, at least get someone to spell check it for you!).  Even men who had decided for whatever reason, that I wasn’t right for them the first time round have sent me messages as if they’ve never contacted me before.  As I’m sure you can imagine I’ve had some fun with those ones!

It really has been quite an experiment and for someone who deals with people, their emotions and their motivations in my day job, it really has been an eye opener and actually quite invaluable in the learning it’s given me.

The biggest learning point (which I really knew anyway, but you don’t like to think is true) men just look at the pictures (well the men on that site anyway – I don’t wish to offend my obviously intelligent male readers) ... and not very closely either!  On the whole they simply do not read the profile, they judge if they find the person attractive and that's enough.  Women on the other hand can fall for someone's personality first and their looks after (good job really as judging by the looks of some of the blokes on this website, the human race would die out really quickly if that were not the case!). 
 
Here are some more examples of the messages I’ve been getting ... they never cease to amaze:

 

1. hello...........how are you? .................hows things going on here?....................x
2. hello...hows you? X
3. Helloo there :-)........ ......... .................. .......................... ....... ... ....... .......... ...... ................... ......
4. Hellooo x you seem lovely a I likked your profile so thort I would say hi x
5. Hiya how are you you Sound ans look lovely my Name is Billy im 46 and i am from Liverpool
6. love the pics there! how is this ,ad site treating you? I think its nuts !ha [I think you’re nuts!]
7. Hello My name is Avgust I come from Slovenia. Can I become first your friend? [Er ... don't think so]
8. This one was a bit different.  From his message, I thought he looked promising, however, when I looked at his profile ... further proof that men don’t read, they just look at the pictures...

Him: Hi , I'm your man !! I match all your wants and I think you look amazing . I'd love to hear from you , I own a successful business employing over 60 people ( no not part time cleaners !) I can't be bothered with endless messaging Simon x

Me:   Hi Simon. Thanks for your message, however, I'm not sure that we're very well suited ... I'm not a fan of the great outdoors, would never dream of camping in a million years and don't like sports ... Sorry!

Him:  Ok ! thanks for replying ! x

So that lot combined with the fact that I talked to someone last week, whom I really liked and got on with like a house on fire (and that’s the first time I’ve ever said that ... honestly) who was supposed to call me on Sunday night and didn’t bother, has lead me to the realisation (finally) that I need to change sites again (I'm not giving up!!!!! God loves a trier).  I’m not sure the next site will be any better, but I truly think I’ve exhausted the pool on the current one.  So this morning I took the bold move of deleting my profile and I’m now scouring the website reviews of other dating sites. 

Oh ... and before I go, I pinched this off my lovely friend Rita's FB page ... sums it up nicely for me!

 

I’ll keep you informed of progress lovelies, it’s always fun when you join a new site ... messages go through the roof.  I’ll make sure that I do it this week, so stay tuned.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Mr Oldie But Not Goldie

 

Well, I had yet another date on Saturday morning.  This one happened quite quickly (I like it that way because at least no-one is wasting their time!).  He mailed me on Friday morning – unfortunately, he didn’t have pics because of his job, but he did point me to a picture he had on LinkedIn ... it was tiny and I couldn’t really see it as I didn’t want to click on his profile as he’d then be able to see everything about me ... and well, I didn’t want that!

So I figured he kinda looked OK, 1^st mistake, I should have seen proper pictures and agreed to meet him the next morning at 10.00 am for a coffee.  We arranged all of this without actually speaking, 2^nd mistake, you should always talk to them before you meet them.  I know all this, I don’t know why I don’t stick to it sometimes ... ever the optimist I guess.  However, in my defence, we were only meeting 5 minutes from where I live, we were only having coffee and I could make a quick escape if I needed.

Saturday morning, I tarted myself up, hair all done, makeup perfect, skinny dark True Religion jeans, lil white summer jumper and heels, simple but appropriate for a Saturday morning coffee.  I drove to Starbucks, pulled in to a parking space and saw this old guy hanging around the entrance.  “Can’t be him” I thought.  He was wearing jeans, white checked shirt, Barbour jacket and ... wait for it ... a flat cap and goatee beard (my dad has a beard).  Now, you may be thinking, “ooooh he sounds quite trendy ... that’s all a bit Beckham-esque!” ... Nope ... he was in his 60s, so he just looked like a little old man (turns out he was from Yorkshire too ... all he was short of was the bloody whippet!).

I walked over to the entrance and all my fears came true ... it was him ... humph.  Not only was he also quite short, but he had quite obvious false teeth and the ones that weren’t false were an ugly shade of yellow and dark brown – that’s what really gave his age away ... I don’t think you can disguise your age when your teeth are that nasty, even if you look quite youthful (which he didn’t). FYI in his profile, he said he was 45.  My heart just dropped.

I should know by now just to say, “Thanks but no thanks” but I guess I’ve just been brought up too polite.  We ordered drinks and sat down (me, making sure that I mismatched his body language – I didn’t want this one getting the wrong idea) and let's say that the conversation did not flow ... it was like pulling false teeth.  Now I can talk to anyone, but this guy was so hard to talk to with the added bonus of me not being able to take my eyes of his nasty teeth.

When we sat down, I noticed someone I knew on another table behind Mr Oldie and he gestured to me, “Is that your dad?” me “No!” ... hands waving maniacally, truly horrified!  As if that wasn’t bad enough, it got worse when he told me that he and his wife split up 13 years ago and how proud it was that he’s learned to iron and how he picks his clothes based on the complexity of the ironing required.  ‘Kill me now!’ - he said it like I should be impressed! 

That was the final straw ... after about 30 minutes (longer than normal when I don't like them and I feel uncomfortable, but I while I still had a drink left which is another learning point ... don’t order a large drink just in case you need to make a quick exit) I couldn’t find an excuse to leave.  Finally, I told him I had to get to my friends' and made a hasty retreat without even mentioning a second date.  It was all very awkward – no matter how many dates I have, I hate that bit, at least he didn’t swoop in to try and kiss me on the lips - urgh *shudder*.

When I got home, I got an email from him on the site saying, “Loved meeting you, do you want to do it again?” I really cannot understand how these guys don’t get the vibe ... it’s very odd!  My reply, “Sorry, you’re not the man for me bla bla bla”.

So that’s another one done and dusted.  I have got one more little dating post to do tomorrow, along with telling you about my next steps because a rethink is definitely needed.  Until then lovelies, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Dating Update

Well today I’ve decided to try a new approach on the dating website I’m on, I’ve changed all my profile pics and you’d be amazed how many messages I’ve had including one’s from men who’d rejected me in the past too, so it’s been hysterical.  On the whole, from what I see, they only look at the pictures anyway, so most think I'm new to the site!

Here’s a handful of today’s messages:

1. nice tits [DELETE – BLOCK – NEXT]
2. gud pics – how long u bin here [DELETE – NEXT]
3. hi how are you lovely xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [DELETE – NEXT]
4. hi babe [Seriously?! DELETE- NEXT]
5. hya gorgous how are you babe lovely profile photos kind regards mark   1000% genuine [Kill me now – DELETE - NEXT]
6. Hows u xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx? [‘I’m not brilliant thanks for asking' - DELETE – NEXT]
7. Like your porofile, might be an inch too short for you though. Other wise think we could have a good time. Chris x [Oh you think do you? ... Well I don’t think so – DELETE - NEXT]
8. hello...........how are you? .................hows things going on here?....................x [How original ... he was butt ugly too – DELETE – NEXT]
9. hello hows you doing Im michael [*humph* DELETE - NEXT]

[Can’t stand text speak and a total lack of punctuation ... *shudder*]
 

This from someone who didn’t stopped replying during an email conversation we were having a while back:

Him:     Hi there. How are you? Nearly the weekend! I'm off to London to run the Marathon.... Excited and terrified in equal measures. Have you anything exciting planned for the weekend? Mel

Me:       We've spoken before ... you didn't like me. Good Luck with your run.

Him:     Really. Did I actually say that? I needed to go to specsavers from the looks of it. Ok. X

Him:     Did you have different pictures?  You look fabulous ... I can’t believe what an idiot I was [DELETE – NEXT]

 

I have had two conversations with men this week – the first one sounded lovely until he realised that I lived further away than he thought ... he had originally said that he would come over to me so we could meet (he only lives ½ hour away) but when he realised exactly where I lived, he wanted to meet half way.  When I mentioned it he said, “What if I don’t like you?  Then I would have wasted all that time.  At least if we meet equidistance (!!!!) neither of us has wasted too much time if we don’t like each other - or you could come to me?” Ha yeah right, like that's ever gonna happen! – NEXT!

 

Then yesterday I had another conversation with a lovely man, he made me laugh, he was articulate and tall (bonus)  but when I said that I wanted someone who had a career (because I have one and I find that men that don’t, really don’t get it when I have to work away or work late or when I’m under pressure etc) he thought I was after his money ... the fact I earn at least twice what he does didn’t seem to register - he thought I was a money grabber! Gotta be honest, I was disappointed with that one (for about a minute!) – NEXT!

I do have a coffee date in the morning – haven’t really seen a proper picture of him, so it very well might be a disaster, I’ll let you know tomorrow!

Until then, be fabulous, lots of love.

Jx

Mr Beige Cords

OK Date No 2 from last week...

This is another that happened quite quickly.  He emailed over the weekend and we met on the Thursday (largely due to my hectic diary last week otherwise we may have met even sooner).  We spoke a couple of times and I have to be honest, in retrospect, he was a little full on.

Before our date, he kept asking me stupid questions, about how excited I was about us meeting ... here you go, here’s an example ... I got quite a few of these:

 

'Flirt with each other' ... in his dreams...

Maybe I’m just completely jaded but like I said in my previous post, I don’t believe in getting excited about meeting someone until I’ve already met them once and know that I like them ... otherwise it’s a complete waste of time, emotions and energy ... did I say I was jaded?

Anyway, I got to our meeting place early (as usually) and saw him lolloping in ... I sent a quick message to my fiend Michelle saying ...”Oh now, he walks like a monkey” ... Her response “Run!” After a quick reply, I wandered into the pub and there he was in all his glory ... all 57 years of him (at least) ... yep, another that lied about his age.  He said he was 47 ... even mentioned that he was 47 during the 'date', but he was 57 if not older.  I really don’t understand the need to lie like that ... bloody weird if you ask me.

“And how was he dressed?” I hallucinate you're asking ... like at 57 years old.  Beige cords (CORDS!!! Who the hell wears cords?  I didn’t even know you could still buy them!!!), brown shoes (ewwwwww wrong!) checked shirt, woollen V neck (all about 'Ralph Lauren Country Weekend') and ... wait for it ... a padded body warmer ... very like the one my dad wears for walking the dog ... Kill me now!

He actually mentioned something about his clothes and I couldn’t help myself ... “Does your mum buy them for you?” Him, “Oh you cheeky thing ... my sister does actually” Like that made a difference!  If a man has no style and can’t pick his own clothes, well ... ‘arghhhhhhhhhhh’ ... and breath.

So that was that really.  He knew I didn’t like him as I purposely miss-matched his body language (I think that’s been where I’ve been going wrong in the past – because in my day job it’s important to build almost instant rapport with people, I do the same thing with these guys and they mistake it for me fancying them).  Anyway, it clearly had the desired effect, so I’ll try that again in future if the need arises.

We stayed for about 40 minutes, drank our drinks and both buggered off without any other mention of contacting each other again.  I quite liked that ... it was very civilised!

So that’s it for now lovelies, there’s nothing else in the pipeline at the mo.  I think I may need to try another website as it seems to have all dried up on the one I’m currently on.  I’ll keep you informed anyway.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

 
PS It’s hysterical how quickly my hit rates go up when I do these dating posts, you obviously like them and I've now had over 15,000 hits!  Thanks so much for your continued support ... I really appreciate it.

 

Mr Tight A$$

Well, I did promise to try and do a bit more online dating ... until it got unbearable again, so last week I actually pushed the boat all the way out and had two dates ... Yes, that’s right TWO dates ...IN ONE WEEK!  How brave (or stupid) am I!?  I’ll tell you about the first one in this post and promise to do another tomorrow for date No 2.
 

So, Date No 1 contacted me on the Monday and we pretty much agreed to meet straight away.  I like it like that ... really can’t be doing all that to-ing and fro-ing only to realise they’re an idiot and I’ve wasted weeks of my life thinking someone’s actually normal!
 

He was relocating from London to Liverpool, he is 36 more than a tad younger than me, but as I keep meeting old granddads (pretending to be young) I thought he’d be less likely to be lying about his age at 36.  We did have a brief conversation on the phone ... he’s American by the way (see what I did with the title? Huh?) ... and we seemed to get on really well.

So as he doesn’t have a car yet (I know, I know ... I never learn) I agreed to drive into Liverpool (it’s about 14 miles and around 40 minutes away from me) and meet 7.00 pm at a nice bar at the dock complex.  I was there ... at 7.00 ... he wasn’t.  I got a text from him at 7.01 telling me that he was just going to get a cab.  Just going to get a cab at 7.01 when we were supposed to be meeting at 7.00!!!! Have I ever told you I have a problem with lateness?  I think I may have touched on it a few dozen times!
 

The Bartender wandered over and asked what I wanted to drink.  I told him my predicament, I said, “I’m supposed to be meeting this guy ... it’s almost a blind date and he’s gonna be late ... he lives in the city, 10 minutes away, I’ve travelled 40 minutes and he’s gonna be late.  What should I do?  Should I bugger off quickly before he gets here?”  I think my 'fight or flight' tendencies were kicking in.
 

The Bartender’s response, “Awww love, you’ve done your hair and makeup and got yourself all the way down here now, why don’t you give him 15 minutes and if he’s not arrived then, make a run for it.  It seems a shame when you’ve gone to the effort of getting ready and coming here not to give it a few minutes”.  I hummed and ahhhed a bit and thought, 'I suppose he’s got a point – I wouldn’t be doing anything if I went home anyway'.  So I ordered a drink and waited.

He arrived at 7.10 precisely.  He apologised for being late and asked if I wanted a drink – as I’d already ordered one, I declined and we went and sat down.  Well I can’t say it was awful (not like some of the dates that I’ve been on) he was quite entertaining but I knew that I really didn’t fancy him quite early on, but as he was a good conversationalist (but very young and quite immature) I decided to stay a while and listen to what he had to say.  

There was, however, one glaring error (besides the lateness) that he made ... during the whole 2 and a bit hours I was with him, he didn’t offer to buy me a drink again.  I sat for two hours nursing the dregs of the drink that I’d bought when I arrived.
 

Now, call me old fashioned (I know I am) but I really think the man should buy the drinks on a first date ... that’s maybe my generation as most of my friends feel the same way ... and I felt it was incredibly uncomfortable to sit there rolling around the last bit of water (used to be ice) at the bottom of a glass for at least an hour and a bit!  That’s just bad manners as far as I’m concerned.  I could have asked him if he wanted a drink, but that's part of the test for me ... to see if they are attentive and ask!
 

At around 9.00 pm, as boredom and thirst was kicking in, I made my excuses and said it was time to go.  He seemed at bit distraught, but agreed to walk me to my car.  I’m really not good at that bit, I remember thinking, “I hope he doesn’t ask me for a lift ... he could be a mad axe murderer! ... I hope he doesn't try and kiss me ... Oh God!”

He walked me to the driver’s side of the car and I’m happy to say that he commented, “I won’t ask for a lift because I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable” My reply, “Oh yeah, great ... thanks” Then he swooped in and I was just a bit too late turning my head and I got a big, sloppy wet kiss half on my mouth, half on my cheek ... Ewwwwwwwwwwwww *shudder* I couldn’t get in the car quick enough!  Blach, no matter how much I rubbed my face (after he was out of eyeshot) I couldn’t get rid of that horrid sloppy wetness feeling from my cheek ... I even feel quite nauseous thinking about it - a week after!).

When I got home, I got a text from him ... here’s the conversation...

 

THAT!!!!! He called me THAT!!! OMG, I nearly hyperventilated when I saw what he’d put.  Needless to say, as you can see, I didn’t respond and I haven’t heard anything from him since.

Ho hum ... wait til you hear tomorrow’s little gem ... I know I keep saying it, but you really can’t make it up!

Until tomorrow lovelies, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

 

More Dodgy Dating

Well I haven’t really had much to say since I got back from holiday, hence my lack of posting.  I stopped writing while I was away because, for a change the drama stopped so I’m happy to say that the rest of the holiday went like a dream.  In total, I read a dozen books and generally did sweet FA for the whole time I was away, in fact I got so lazy that towards the end that I didn’t even get in the pool/sea because I’d have to reapply my suntan lotion and I simple couldn’t be bothered!

So what have I been up to?  Well as the title suggests, I’ve have had another date.  I can’t say that I’ve been trying very hard at the online stuff again, I’m still tending to dip in and out (I find that’s the easiest way to keep my sanity) and every now and again, someone seemingly decent pops up and well, you’ve gotta give it a go.

This latest one (I only met him last Thursday) literally gave me his phone number within a couple of emails and as you’ll know if you’re a regular reader, I hate that email tennis and those inane, “How are you finding it on here?” or “Had many dates?” questions (I’ve actually taken to replying to those by saying, “come back to me when you have a more interesting question” ... ha ha ha, no wonder I don’t get many dates, but it’s all so tiresome) so I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly we moved from email, to talking, to a date. 

He rang me almost immediately when I sent my number (never ring them) so I also thought that was a good sign.  I was working so didn’t have time to take the call (I didn’t want to appear too eager either!) so we exchanged a couple of texts instead and agreed to talk on the way home.  In the texts he asked me where I was working, so I told him and he said that he lived quite near, so if I fancied it, why didn’t we meet after work that evening ... me “Err no, I have plans this evening” you just can’t ever appear that desperate!

So good enough, he did ring me on the way home and we had a very pleasant chat and agreed to meet on the Thursday (this was the Tuesday).  The next day he did try to call a couple of times, but I was really busy and didn’t get to chat to him, but I thought it was nice that he had at least tried.  I know I’ve said it before, but I tend not to put too much effort in until you actually meet them, otherwise you can spend a ridiculous amount of your precious time conversing with an absolutely wanker.

Anyway, date night came and while I was on my way there, he phoned to say that he was running late.  Somehow it didn’t bother me and that’s very unusual.  He asked me what car I was driving and to wait in the car park for him.  So, he turned up about 10 minutes later, I had emails to do so wasn’t really bothered and parked next to me, well I was so engrossed in my emails, I didn’t see him and jumped a bloody mile when he knocked on the window.

First impressions: pleasant face, tall (easily 6’) and slim, jeans, shirt, jacket (no bum though).  “Good start” I thought.  We found the entrance to the pub (it wasn’t that easy) and ordered drinks which he paid for (another tick) and we found some seats.  This is where it started to go wrong ... he decided we should sit on an oblong table and I thought he’d sit opposite me, so I shifted along the bench thingy and he sat down next to me ... right next to me ... right in my personal space and to make matters worse, I was pushed into a corner (metaphorically and literally) and I really don’t like that.  1. I don’t like people I don’t know in my space, 2. I hate to feel trapped and there really was nowhere for me to go.

In retrospect, it was another one of those times where I really don’t know why I didn’t say anything ... weird; I need to get a grip of that!  So pretty much immediately he lurched in to his whole history, all about the ex-wife, how he left her for a younger woman and how bitter his wife is about it (“Afterall” he said, “she can’t be that’s surprised, she is getting on a bit and doesn’t really look after herself”... I kid you not) how much he sees his daughters and how much he wanted me to meet them (easy tiger!) and then moved on to all the dates that he had had since he’d joined the website.

In short, within about 10 minutes, I knew everything I need to know about him:

1. He expects a woman to buy a drink on the first date
2. He doesn’t like it if a woman orders an expensive drink
3. He expects a woman to go halves on the food on a first date
4. He had an affair after 22 years of marriage and left his wife for her ... it didn’t work out
5. His wife is ‘getting on’ (in terms of years) and not attractive to him any more (after she bore him two beautiful children)
6. His businesses are worth £3m (means nothing – I know people with businesses worth more than that and they’re personally stony broke)
7. He’s not even started divorce proceedings
8. He doesn’t work out
9. He has a cat (I hate cats ... sorry to all you cat lovers)
10. He thinks he’s good looking
11. He wore a thick gold necklace (he didn’t tell me that, I saw it ... obv)

As if the previous 10 points weren’t sufficient, the last one was enough to completely put me off.  As you can imagine, there were huge back stories to the first 7 which I had to feign interest in.  I remember thinking, “If I wasn’t hemmed in here, I’d have run by now” a bit like I did with my 17 minute date, but for some reason I felt a bit paralysed and panic stricken!  At one point he looked me up and down and said, “Hmmmmm you’re very trim aren’t you?” Trim!!! Trim!!! Ewwwww *shudder*

After about 50 minutes (... I know, I did really well) he asked what I was doing later and if I wanted to have dinner with him.  Have you ever been in that situation and wondered how the hell the other person can read the messages so wrongly?  Me, arms folded, legs crossed, knees pointing away from him, leaning as far back and away from him as possible (he was so close I could smell his breath, it was rank).  You don’t need to be a body language expert to realise when someone’s just not that into you.  I made up some lame excuse about having to see a friend ... and he bought it!  God he loved himself – by this point, it simply hadn’t occurred to him that I didn’t fancy him.

I saw my chance to exit when he went to the loo.  As he came back, I was already standing up and I said, “Sorry, I’m going to have to get going” Well you’d have thought I’d smacked him over the face with a wet kipper.  “What?  Now?  Well I’ve had a lovely time, albeit a bit brief!”  Me, “Sorry, we did only say we’d meet for a drink” Him *stroppily* “Oh alright then, I suppose I can’t do anything to persuade you” I didn’t answer.

So we walked to the car park and to our cars when he swooped in for a full on lip smacker.  Well with lightening speed I turned my head so he landed (a bit too sloppily for my liking) on my cheek – I can still see the look of surprise on his face!  I then dived towards my car with him saying, “Shall I call you?”  I think I was in the car before I hear the end of the sentence and literally wheel screeched out of the car park.

Well, obviously I wasn’t going to call him or text him and I didn’t hear anything from him, although I suspected I might. He didn’t seem the kind of guy who would take too kindly to being jibbed and would probably try again. However, I didn’t hear from him that evening or the next morning so I thought that the penny must have dropped after all.  Around lunchtime the next day, I got a text from him ... here it is with my reply...

Clearly he didn’t like the fact that he’d been ‘dumped’ if you can dump someone after one date, so decided to ‘dump’ me!  Awwww must’ve made him feel better after I hurt his pride ... bless.  I blocked him after that so I don’t know whether he sent me something back.

Right lovelies, that’s me for another post.  I will try to be a bit more on the ball and promise to resume regular posting soon.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx