Gym Madness No 2

So, I left off last time by telling you about my unfortunately ‘gob on a stick’ experience in the gym.  After that I went to yoga, where our lovely instructor, John was extremely pleased to see me … aw, bless … as were a number of other people whom I hadn’t seen for ages, but hadn’t realised how much I’d missed them.

I hadn’t been to yoga for about a year.  I’d been seeing this guy at the gym who also used to go to yoga and do a number of the other classes that I did.  Everything was going swimmingly with him until my friend, Vivien, found out that he was seeing two other women who also went to the gym, besides me … three of us at the same time.  I distinctly remember all 3 of us being in one ‘pump’ class (that’s the one where you use tiny weights but do tonnes of reps) at the same time … you’ve gotta admire the guy’s guts!

Anyway, after that happened (as I’m a clear avoider of any type of conflict), I decided I really didn’t want to be around this guy, so started going to another gym.  The fact that I had lots of friends at my regular gym, whom I’d miss (and who actually would miss me) completely passed me by.  And you were wondering why I told ‘Lovely Man’ that I was single!  That kinda answers that one … my subconscious leapt to rescue without being asked … God I hate it when it does that!

As I was having 5 mins chill time before the class started, who walks in but ‘Asshole Man^TM’ … that put quite a downer on things I can tell you.  But I decided to be strong and not let the bugger get me down (even his voice makes me sick *shudder*), so onwards and upwards with the yoga.  The only thing was, lovely John seemed to have the impression that I was as bendy as I’d been a year ago.  However, 12 months of doing virtually nothing, especially no yoga, really takes its toll on subtleness.  John insisted on pushing me harder and harder every time he walked passed me … he’s very hands on!  By the end of the session, I couldn’t get up and I remember thinking, God only knows how I’ll feel in the morning!

And how right I was …. Sunday morning, I could hardly walk.  Determined not to let my pain get the better of me – and my weight gain – I had some brekkie, put my make up on (I NEVER leave the house without make up … EVER!  I just don’t get why you wouldn’t want to look the best you can look, all the time.  Plus, I shock myself when I look in the mirror without make up, so really wouldn’t want to inflict myself on the unsuspecting public … plus there are children out there who could be scarred for life) and went to the gym.

I decided to have a good stretch out first … that was a good idea … I did feel slightly better after it.  I did about 50 minutes in the gym and then went to the ‘pump’ class I used to go to and WOW I wasn’t ready for the reception I got … it was lovely!  So many people said they’d missed me … I was really touched (oh and luckily, Asshole Man^TM wasn’t there).  People did comment on my weight gain though, one through a back handed complement, “Your face doesn’t look as skinny as it did … it’s more rounded … you look better!” FFS!

The class was extremely hard … EXTREMELY hard!  It really hurt.  However, after it, I got talking to one of the guys who does the class …. He’s a body builder and he’s offered to do me a diet (obviously I was whinging about my weigh gain and water retention so who better to do me a diet than a competing bodybuilder … yay!).  So I’ll let you know how that goes.

Today … well, today, I couldn’t get out of bed … Every muscle screamed, Ava Maria!  Every movement I’ve made today has been agony … and I’m not joking!  I will, however, still be going to the gym on the way home … after all, I’ve gotta see Mr Lovely and report back to you.   I also need to see my Diet Man^TM to book an appointment.  I’ll be svelte before you know it … especially if I have a fab diet and another driver for going to the gym other than losing weight.  It’s amazing what extra incentive it is to go to the gym when losing weight is the by-product!

Until next time … be fabulous!

Jx

Gym Madness

I’ve decided, well my colleague Mehreen decided first, that I needed another holiday.  I think it was due to the fact that I was doing her head in so in her usually lovely way she said “You need a break.  Why don’t you book a holiday”.  Until then, I’d resisted booking hols cos I want a nose job! Lmao … Yes I really do!  However, Mehreen persuaded me that if I’d waited this long to have my nose done, I could wait a bit longer and at this juncture, a holiday would be much more beneficial.

So what does every self respecting female think as soon as holidays are mention “BIKINI BODY”!  Well, I hate so say it, but I’ve put on a few pounds in the last few months … I’m still not huge I hasten to add, but I’m definitely heavier than I like to be.  So, what do you do when you’ve 8 weeks to your hols … attack the gym like its a long lost lover, that’s what!

As a result of the horrifying thought of people seeing my orange peel thighs whilst on holiday, on Saturday, I decided that I would go to the gym. I thought I’d do some cardio in the gym itself, and then do yoga (1.5 hour session on a Saturday).  I love yoga … I used to be a dancer (Ballet, not Pole for those of you who are wondering … *tut, dirty minded people*) so I’m still rather bendy …. Hmmmmm we’ll leave that one there I think! 

When I arrive at the gym, I plonked myself on a treadmill, as you do, not that I had any intention of running you understand … oh no … getting all out of puff is not my idea of fun … just a nice but rather brisk walk.  I’d been speed walking (well I say speed walking but as I usually only wear heels, I find walking in flats a bit of a challenge, as I’ve mentioned before … I think I kinda waddle … my hairdresser Liz says that my feet always look too big for me when I’m in flats … that’s on the couple of occasions when it’s been snowing that she’s actually seen me in flats … I must point out here that she’s only ever seen me in rather lovely – for flats – knee high, leather Uggs). 

Anyway, I digress … I was plodding along and noticed a rather buff, hmmmmmmm ‘buff’ isn’t the right word … chunky thighed (FYI I love a chunky thigh … on a man that is!), rather lovely, muscly man get on the stepper in front of my treadmill in quite short shorts…. Oh it was like all my Christmas’s had come at once!  How I didn’t manage to fall off said treadmill, I’ll never know … I’ve done that before … again, another story.  Well I finished my 300 calorie walk (I work in calories rather than anything else ie distance when in the gym … helps to offset the food intake) which went surprisingly quickly having something interesting to look at other than the TV and got on the stepper behind the treadmills … next minute, Lovely Man^TM disembarks from his stepper and comes and gets on the one next to me … of course, me being me, I totally ignore him and finish my 200 calories.  I think from what most of my friends say they’d hate to meet anyone they fancied at this point as they’d have a bright red face … well I’m blessed with minimal sweating!  The downside is the water retention, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that!

I got off the stepper and went over to the rowers.  There were 5 in all, none of which were occupied.  I strapped myself in and started off …. Guess what happened next, yep, he walked over and got on the rower next to me.  Well, again, me being me didn’t really think it was that odd.  It didn’t really occur to me that he might want to talk to me … duh (and people wonder why I’m single).  I did another 200 calories, I’m complety shattered at this point and thought I’d do some stomach before the start of yoga.  I went and got a big bouncy ball and started my crunchies … next minute, what da ya know but wanders over and crouches down next to me!  Thought I was gonna pass out … but that could have just been too much exercise too quickly after a sustained period of inactivity.

I whipped my earphones out and he said, “I’ve seen you a few times in here and I think you’re lovely.  Are you single?”  Quick as a flash, I answered “No!”!!!!!! WTF!  Even as the words came out of my mouth I couldn’t believe what I was saying!  What is the matter with me!!!  Silly cow.  He stood up and said “Well that’s a shame … you really are lovely” He then started walking away, stopped and turned around again and said “Really lovely”!

OMG … I am totally, certifiably crazy!  I perfectly lovely man actually plucks up the nerve to come and talk to me and I tell him I’m not single!!!!!  My defence mechanisms know no bounds sometimes!  I sat for about 5 minutes staring at myself in the mirror unable to move and unable to believe what I’d just said!

Awwwww you gotta laugh though … and I have a plan for turning things around, so I’ll keep you informed.

I’ll carry on the gym saga tomorrow.

Have a lovely week, lovely people.  Be fabulous.

Jx

Men! *J tuts & roles eyes*

Huge apologies for not posting for a while … it’s all been a bit hectic.

I had to read my last post to remember where I was up to … I really must keep on top of things … I have a terrible tendency to forget!

So, I told you about ‘Preston Man’ getting in touch.  Well, he pursued me with vigour that week … gotta be honest; I was a bit over it.  In fact, I’m ‘over’ the whole internet dating thing now … too much hassle for too few rewards … NEXT!

Anyway, I finally managed to talk to him on the Friday, I think that was 11 March (we kept missing each other all week, largely due to the fact that he kept calling me after 10.00 pm.  I think I must be a bit OAP when it comes to late calls … it isn’t polite to call someone after 9.00 pm if you don’t know them!).  So we finally spoke … not that it was a particularly interesting or stimulating conversation.  He asked me how many men I’d been on a date with from the site and if I was going to have any second dates with them. In fact, he didn’t just ask … he was unbelievably insistent that I tell him … it felt a bit weird actually. 

Why do men do that?  They won’t let you move the conversation on until you tell them.  Most annoying, as I can’t see the value in talking about that stuff and if I’m honest, it irritates the s**t out of me!  Why does it matter?  What difference or bearing does it have on the situation?  Weird.  Well, as you can guess by my mini rant, he pissed me off beyond belief, so I let him have it with both barrels asking him why men just wanted text buddies.  Why did they say they’d call then wouldn’t?  Why did they say that you’d both meet up but wouldn’t????  As we were talking, I got more and more agitated and thought … “What the hell am I doing talking to this idiot!”  So I wrapped up the conversation with him saying we should meet on the following Wednesday or Thursday (he’d have to check what his 16 year old son was doing … “Why?”, I thought, “Is he coming too?” and that he’d text me over the weekend.

Needless to say … I received no text.  Can’t say I’m surprised, as I had given him one of my best rants ever and I wouldn’t have called me if I was him … although I wouldn’t have asked me dumb-ass questions like he did.  However, over a week later, Saturday just gone, I did get a text from him about 8.00 pm asking me how my weekend was going.  “Very well thanks … I’m extremely drunk on champagne and at an orgy fest” I wanted to reply (although I definitely was neither), but I was extremely restrained and didn’t respond.  That took some will power I can tell you!

Oh and I’m still getting stalker texts from Ferrari man!  He thinks I don’t know it’s him … I told him that I didn’t have the number in my phone so didn’t know who the texts were from.  This has obviously given him some comfort and he’s sending me the oddest one letter texts … flamin’ freak.  I wouldn’t mind so much, but these texts tend to come late at night ie after 11.30 pm and last night’s came slap bang in the middle of my Paul McKenna self hypnosis session (don’t ask!) and nearly gave me a heart attack!

More on my dating mishaps in the next post … I’ve got a hum-dinger for you!

Be good and be fabulous.

Jx

Happy Birthday To Me!

Last Saturday was my Birthday.  The day was quite uneventful really, as birthdays go.  My dad came around in the morning with the most beautiful orchid display (I love orchids and am actually quite adept at growing them … I know, I know, my talents never fail to amaze!).  The rest of the morning was spent running around, doing the normal, less than dazzling stuff that needs to be done on a Saturday … dry cleaning, food shopping (if you can call buying a few ready meals from M&S, food shopping … I’ll have to tell you about my eating habits too at some point).  The afternoon, well I just slobbed around at home.  Very restful.

Saturday afternoon/evening, I was supposed to be going out with some friends to Liverpool, but my lovely friend, Vivien couldn’t make it (she had to work) and as I wasn’t precious about going to Liverpool and would prefer to stay local and go out later if I could have Viv there, that’s what we did.

I’ve already mentioned about ‘going local’ in earlier blogs, so I won’t cover that ground again, but we decided to have a little drink in the nice bar (you know, the one with the Italian maitre de who made a fuss last time we went in … not to be confused with the little Hilter – or should I say Mussolini - guy from my night out with Jen), then go for a Chinese – my favourite.  On the way in the taxi to the bar, I said to the girls that we should go to a bar nearer the restaurant, as I was wearing giant heels (no surprise there then) and I’m always averse to walking anywhere anyway … why walk when I have a perfectly lovely car/there are taxis?  Viv stated with some determination, “NO! Let’s go to Rubino’s!”.  If I’m quite honest, she shut me up quick sticks.  We usually go with a consensus vote, so Viv directness shocked the hell out of me.

When we alighted from the taxi (that’s posh for ‘got out’) and walked in to the bar, I knew why Viv was so determined that we do there … she’d arranged to have a table reserved and I was greeted with a balloon and a bottle of Champagne! Yipppeeeeeee!  How happy was I?  Well, I’ll tell you … VERY happy.  So we had a little drinky which was peppered with attention from the Maitre De (not Mussolini) coming over at regular intervals to kiss my hand.  Oh, you’ve gotta laugh.

Once we’d finished the champers we strolled at a leisurely pace (nothing to do with the heels, obviously!) over to the restaurant where we continued to drink even more champers with a completely gorgeous Cantonese meal.  Yum, Yum, Yum.  The rest of the evening passed quite uneventfully … apart from the fact that we were all drunk as skunks!

My Sunday hangover was something to behold!  One of my school friends, Angela, has coined those types of Sundays as ‘Betty Ford Sundays’.  I’ve adopted that term too.  Seems to work very well!  I did, however, have to drive into Manchester to the Trafford Centre to order an eyebrow cake that I’d ordered from Illasmasqua.  Why I didn’t leave it? I’ll never know, but I really wasn’t feeling too bad by lunchtime and I’ll never pass up a shopping opp.

Well, I think that kind of covers off the weekend.  This week there’s nothing … NOTHING notable to report … well, there is a bit (work stuff really), but I can’t put that in the public domain.  Sorry.  What I will say is that it hasn’t been the best week … but its FRIDAY and the weekend starts here!

Oh heck, I knew there was something else I wanted to tell you about.  Remember the guy from my internet dating fiasco … the one who lived in Preston that I spoke to, who texted a few times and then disappeared?  Well he got in touch on Monday.  Haven’t spoken to him yet … I’ve been busy!  But you never know.  I’ll keep you informed … Oh, and yes, he did have an acceptable excuse for his disappearance and no, it didn’t involve prison or drugs!  So from where I’m standing, he sounds good to me!

Have a fantastic weekend, lovely ones.

Keep being fabulous.

Jx

I So Love Shopping ... but love my friends more :-)

Wow … I’ve got quite a bit of catching up to do here, it’s been a week since my last post (oooooh sounds a bit like confession … that’s the Catholic in me!! … “Forgive me Father for I have sinned … it’s been a week since my last confession!”)

OK, so following on from where we left off … actually, I do think that it’s been quite uneventful … considering it was my birthday.  But I always think that until I start writing.

Last Thursday, I took the day off work (I don’t get paid for holidays, but hey, it’s only your birthday once a year!) and decided a little mini shop was in order, so off the Trafford Centre I went.  I’m pleased to say that the price of shopping spree wasn’t as hefty as it could have been and consisted of mainly make up - I must tell you that I had my eyebrows coloured in (I’ve very thin eyebrows from over plucking in the 80’s … think Pamela Anderson eyebrows) by a lovely gay man, wearing more makeup than me, at Illamasque … I thought that they looked pretty cool under the lights in Selfridges, OMG when I saw them in the day light, you could have sworn I was a tranny.  What was worse was that I couldn’t rub the buggers off!

Oh, I did purchase a rather lovely Alexander McQueen scarf … OK, OK, so that was a little price hefty, but hey …it was nearly my Birthday!  All in all, a very successful shop and a lovely day was had.

That evening I went out with my lovely friend (whom I haven’t seen for ages), Jenny.  And the second best bit (apart from seeing her when I’ve missed her) is that she remembered that it was my Birthday, and bought me a bottle of Champers!  Wayhay!  You can never go wrong with a bottle of Champers, I say!  We had a lovely catch up, whilst being overviewed by an extremely obnoxious manager come maître de … a truly horrible little man … and the food was cold!  So I can’t recommend Quattro’s on the Rainford Bypass … but I can recommend spending time with Jen … Love you Jen.

Friday, I also booked off work (and unfortunately had to have a filling replaced … which wasn’t too bad as I rather fancy my dentist … God I hope he never reads this!).  Anyway, straight after that, with a decidedly droopy left side of my face, I hot footed it into Manchester to buy my ‘gift to myself’ Birthday present.  A lovely, lovely Louis Vuitton, Never Full, super large handbag.  Whoop Whoop! 

I had to apologise to the shop assistant (if you can call him that … I’m sure they must have some super-sonic posh name for their assistants … Shop Assistant just doesn’t seem to do it justice), cos if my droopy gob! I couldn’t tell if I was drooling or not ... and if he noticed anything, he was extremely discrete and never mentioned it!  Did I mention he was French?  Hmmm he was French, so maybe he was used to crazy, 40 something women drooling in his presence!)

Shopping in Vuitton is a bloody dream.  That’s what I imagine Heaven to be like!  ‘Sigh’.  I love it when they take your purchase away to wrap up as it would be far too vile and common to wrap it in front of you!  Oooooooh I love it, love it, love it!  The bag’s not bad either!

After securing my purchase, I had a little wander round Manchester (well you’ve gotta show off a huge Louis Vuitton bag haven’t you!  It’s not like you have one of those everyday) I then made my way to the salon in time to get my false eyelashes re-done (they were looking a bit crazy, cos I only had about 3 left on my right eye!) then home for a little afternoon nap … well, shopping can be tiring and of course I’d had the shock of the injection for my tooth and the shock of the Vuitton bill!

I was supposed to be going out with my lovely friend Paul (purely a platonic friendship … I love him, he’s fab and my rock!  He’s seen me through some extremely tough times … actually, he’s my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him) that evening but I postponed as I was pooped and a bit partied out!  I know, I know, I’ve let you down … I made up for it Saturday night though!  I’ll tell you about that tomorrow!

Have fun and be fabulous, lovely people.

Love

Jx

Mid Week Partying!

Hello again

Well it’s been a pretty uneventful week up until now.  Well, I say uneventful … my life’s never quite that!

I went out with some of the girls from work last night (it was Fiona’s 40^th Birthday) so we went for dinner at a lovely Italian Restaurant in Manchester’s Northern Quarter called ‘Dough’ … which I must have said a million times, Homer Simpson stylee … I know, I know … I’m sad!

The food was fab and we drank (those of us who weren’t driving or pregnant) copious amounts Prosecco!  Yum!  I can highly recommend the Gnocchi (although it was huge - there was enough for two) and the dipping dough starter thingy. 

Afterwards, those of us left, hot footed it over the road to a newly refurbed bar, Bluu, which had a fantastically eclectic mix of comfortable furniture and adornments (including a dressmaker’s dummy wearing and old army jacket and a purple fury chair!).  All a bit mad, but totally fab.  There we had cocktails … Bellini’s to be exact.  I had a strawberry and two raspberry ones … each of which was lovely.  You’ve gotta love a cocktail!

At the end of the evening, we grabbed a cab back to our less than fantastic hotel, the Britannia.  I am a firm believer in ‘you get what you pay for’ so why the hell I let my colleague convince me that paying £39 for a city centre hotel, midweek, would be a good idea.  It sucked!  It must be one of the most tired hotels I’ve ever stated in.  I’m sure that ‘back in the day’ it must have been very glamorous and indeed the architecture was amazing … it was just VERY ready for a make over.

You know when you stay somewhere and although the bedding ‘looks’ clean, you’re a bit reticent to put you head on the nearly flat pillow?  Also, the room was cold so I found a blanket to throw over the bed (but not near my face of course … I’m sure they never wash those things … gross!) and my bare feet stuck to the carpet in places “shudder” … apart from that, it was lovely! Lol

I’ve felt a bit jaded today … I’m sure it can’t have been the drink … much more to do with the ear infection and clickie jaw I have … don’t ask!

The rest of the week should be fun.  I’ve so much social activity planned that I’ve booked Thursday and Friday off work, so that I can have some well earned R&R in between the partying!  Stay tuned …there are bound to be stories.

So that’s me, signing off for another day …

Have fun and be fabulous.  Oh, and by the way, I’m picking up the new Jimmy Choo’s that I’ve ordered tomorrow!  I really had to buy a pair of flat shoes to get me from the work car park (which is an old building site) into work, as I’ve been ruining my heels.  I don’t own flats, other than holiday flip floppy things and a few pairs (well, actually 8 pairs, or is it 9?) of Uggs (only to be worn on a Sunday).  So I was determined that if I had to go flat … they had to be designer!  Will let you know how I get on with them.

Until then … be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Weekend Episode 2

OK so, carrying on from where we left off … Saturday morning, I had my nails done and I was meeting my friend, Justine, in Manchester for drinkypoos in the afternoon. I grabbed some toast and jumped in a cab to the train station.  Yes, you read that right … public transport!  Not the way one likes to travel you understand, but we were meeting in the afternoon (so there would be a good chance that I wouldn’t be in any fit state to last late into the night, otherwise, I would have stayed over).  So, train it was. 

Before meeting Justine at 2.30, I did a bit of shopping (purchasing a lovely Louis Vuitton makeup bag … I know, I know … such extravagance … but it’s my money, I work hard for it, so I don’t apologise for it! … So there!).  Little did I know that the said makeup bag would cause so many bloody problems.

I met Justine on time and we hot footed it to where else, but Harvey Nichols for Champers (yum yum yum … my fav!)  Oh my goodness me … there’s nothing like Champagne on a Saturday afternoon … it tastes especially good!  I haven’t seen Justine since I met her on holiday at Christmas (we were on a singles holiday over Christmas and New Year, which was fabulous by the way … but that a whole other story!), so we had lots to catch up on.

Before we knew it, the bottle had been emptied!  It was almost as if little fairies had flown in and downed it … that thing that did it was the fact that our glasses were never actually empty.  The expert barstaff made sure of that!  So we then had the option of having another bottle or going somewhere else … what do you think we did?  Had another bottle of course!  Why waste valuable drinking time travelling to another bar when we were already in a perfectly lovely one!!

By the time we’d finished that, it was 5.30 and I was starving (having only had toast 8 hours before).  Hmmmmm in retrospect it was getting a bit messy!  We decided to go to the Living Room for tea, so got our things together and headed toward the lift … it was then that Justine noticed that I was sans Vuitton bag!  OMG!  I shot back into where we’d been sitting … lucky enough, it was still there!  Phew!  Had I been in a bar in St Helens, that bag would have been half inched whilst we were still sitting there, never mind when it was left unattended!

We stumbled over to the restaurant (got to be honest here … I can’t clearly remember that bit!), sat down and promptly ordered another bottle of Champagne (a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do) and some food.  To be honest, much of the meal is a blur.  I do, however, remember asking for water and coffee in an attempt to sober up!  We left at 8.15 with me panicking over getting my train on time.  We paid and rushed out, when I realised that I’d left that bloody bag at the table … so I rushed back in to find the waitress coming to find me.  Phew (No 2), disaster averted.

We charged towards the train station and I remember Justine telling me that I had to tie ‘the bag’ round my wrist so that I didn’t leave it on the train!  The train journey itself was uneventful other than the fact that I’d taken my Ipod shuffle with me and we merrily listening to some tunes, when I looked down and noticed that I’d hit the Ipod play button on my Iphone which was bluring out Nickleback to the rest of the unsuspecting travellers!  I was mortified when my shuffle song ended and I heard Nickleback coming from my phone.  How embarrassing!

Awww you’ve gotta laugh though!

So that was my little afternoon jaunt to Manchester … which I thoroughly enjoyed and can’t wait to do again!  However, the hangover on Sunday was monumental!  I had wanted to go to the gym and go see my friend Deb.  Nope, not a chance.  Way to ill!  In fact, I was still suffering quite a bit yesterday too.  One of my friends, Angela, has now coined a phrase for such Sundays … ‘Betty Ford Sundays’ … love it!

Hope you’re all enjoying your week.

I’ve got lots going on this week, so I’m sure to have some stories to tell!

Be fabulous.

Lots of love.

Jx