I’ve decided, well my colleague Mehreen decided first, that I needed another holiday. I think it was due to the fact that I was doing her head in so in her usually lovely way she said “You need a break. Why don’t you book a holiday”. Until then, I’d resisted booking hols cos I want a nose job! Lmao … Yes I really do! However, Mehreen persuaded me that if I’d waited this long to have my nose done, I could wait a bit longer and at this juncture, a holiday would be much more beneficial.
So what does every self respecting female think as soon as holidays are mention “BIKINI BODY”! Well, I hate so say it, but I’ve put on a few pounds in the last few months … I’m still not huge I hasten to add, but I’m definitely heavier than I like to be. So, what do you do when you’ve 8 weeks to your hols … attack the gym like its a long lost lover, that’s what!
As a result of the horrifying thought of people seeing my orange peel thighs whilst on holiday, on Saturday, I decided that I would go to the gym. I thought I’d do some cardio in the gym itself, and then do yoga (1.5 hour session on a Saturday). I love yoga … I used to be a dancer (Ballet, not Pole for those of you who are wondering … *tut, dirty minded people*) so I’m still rather bendy …. Hmmmmm we’ll leave that one there I think!
When I arrive at the gym, I plonked myself on a treadmill, as you do, not that I had any intention of running you understand … oh no … getting all out of puff is not my idea of fun … just a nice but rather brisk walk. I’d been speed walking (well I say speed walking but as I usually only wear heels, I find walking in flats a bit of a challenge, as I’ve mentioned before … I think I kinda waddle … my hairdresser Liz says that my feet always look too big for me when I’m in flats … that’s on the couple of occasions when it’s been snowing that she’s actually seen me in flats … I must point out here that she’s only ever seen me in rather lovely – for flats – knee high, leather Uggs).
Anyway, I digress … I was plodding along and noticed a rather buff, hmmmmmmm ‘buff’ isn’t the right word … chunky thighed (FYI I love a chunky thigh … on a man that is!), rather lovely, muscly man get on the stepper in front of my treadmill in quite short shorts…. Oh it was like all my Christmas’s had come at once! How I didn’t manage to fall off said treadmill, I’ll never know … I’ve done that before … again, another story. Well I finished my 300 calorie walk (I work in calories rather than anything else ie distance when in the gym … helps to offset the food intake) which went surprisingly quickly having something interesting to look at other than the TV and got on the stepper behind the treadmills … next minute, Lovely ManTM disembarks from his stepper and comes and gets on the one next to me … of course, me being me, I totally ignore him and finish my 200 calories. I think from what most of my friends say they’d hate to meet anyone they fancied at this point as they’d have a bright red face … well I’m blessed with minimal sweating! The downside is the water retention, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that!
I got off the stepper and went over to the rowers. There were 5 in all, none of which were occupied. I strapped myself in and started off …. Guess what happened next, yep, he walked over and got on the rower next to me. Well, again, me being me didn’t really think it was that odd. It didn’t really occur to me that he might want to talk to me … duh (and people wonder why I’m single). I did another 200 calories, I’m complety shattered at this point and thought I’d do some stomach before the start of yoga. I went and got a big bouncy ball and started my crunchies … next minute, what da ya know but wanders over and crouches down next to me! Thought I was gonna pass out … but that could have just been too much exercise too quickly after a sustained period of inactivity.
I whipped my earphones out and he said, “I’ve seen you a few times in here and I think you’re lovely. Are you single?” Quick as a flash, I answered “No!”!!!!!! WTF! Even as the words came out of my mouth I couldn’t believe what I was saying! What is the matter with me!!! Silly cow. He stood up and said “Well that’s a shame … you really are lovely” He then started walking away, stopped and turned around again and said “Really lovely”!
OMG … I am totally, certifiably crazy! I perfectly lovely man actually plucks up the nerve to come and talk to me and I tell him I’m not single!!!!! My defence mechanisms know no bounds sometimes! I sat for about 5 minutes staring at myself in the mirror unable to move and unable to believe what I’d just said!
Awwwww you gotta laugh though … and I have a plan for turning things around, so I’ll keep you informed.
I’ll carry on the gym saga tomorrow.
Have a lovely week, lovely people. Be fabulous.
Jx
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