Well
I had a very strange week last week and I had to tell you about my rather
eventful trip to The Frozen North ie Scotland, this’ll only be a quickie, but
it was all quite amusing...
I’ve
got to be honest, despite only living about 200 miles away, I’ve only ever been
to Scotland once and I didn’t see much then because by the time I got past the
Lake District, it fogged, in fact it fogged the whole way to Glasgow and the
whole time I was in Glasgow and the whole way home the next day, so I never saw
a thing!
I
was asked by a client to go and do some work for them in Glasgow at really
short notice. I don’t mind travelling
(as you know) and a couple of hundred miles is nothing in comparison to some
places I have to go to and I love just getting in the car and driving – it’s
good thinking time.
The
drive up was pretty uneventful, although my brakes did start to make a few
strange noises and I vowed to have them looked at when I got back. I got to the client’s premises and did what I
needed to do, then hot tailed it to the hotel.
Premier Inn (booooooo) I keep expecting Lenny Henry to pop out every
time I have to stay in one of those. I
guess they’re clean but unbelievably basic!
I
dumped the bags and had dinner in the Beefeater pub next door (oh the
glamour!). I know it would bother a few
people having dinner on their own, but I’m so used to it now with all the
travelling I do that I don’t even notice.
I take my Kindle with me too, so I don’t look like a complete ‘Billy No
Mates Freak’! I happen to have the
belief that you’re invisible as long as you’re reading – plus you don’t notice
if anyone’s staring. I have to be
honest, it had been quite tough day, so I did have a couple of cheeky glasses
of Pinot ... to help me relax you understand – purely for medicinal reasons!
When
I got back to the room and turned the TV on, I was surprised (don’t know why
really) but I was surprised to see a programme about obesity in Scotland (on
the same channel in England they were showing Master chef ... the irony was not
lost!). On that programme they were
concerned with the general diet of the Scottish people and showed a range of
‘fried’ and unhealthy products such as macaroni cheese pies and Scotch Egg pies
plus they interviewed lots of people coming out of a football match and asked
them to name certain fruit and veg. One
guy in his forties didn’t know what a pineapple was and they interviewed a
woman who did basic cookery courses who said that some people didn’t even know
what a carrot was, let alone how to peel one!
Now I’m sure that’s not just Scotland, but it really does make you
think!
Shortly
after that, I fell asleep – it was obviously due to the fact that I was really
tired, not the wine you understand.
About 4.30 well 4.26 to be exact, I was rudely awakened by the hotel
fire alarm *groan* and it was quickly clear that it was an ‘all out’ alarm ...
booooooo. So I scrambled out of bed, pulled on my suit over my big t-shirt that
I was sleeping in (it could have been worse, it could have been something
frilly or nothing at all ... if I’m ever going to forget some item when I’m
going away, it’ll be nightwear!) I squeezed my feet into my 5” Kurt Geiger's
and made my way downstairs with the throng – oh and I just HAD to be on the top
floor!
10
minutes later, the 2 Scottish Fire Engines arrived. “Hmmmmmm could be worse!” I commented to a
fellow female bystander – who just kind of glared at me – she’s obviously not
into the whole fire fighter thing ... freak.
A veritable army of burley fire-fighters filed out with me throwing them
my most alluring smile (in my nightie and suit combo) and thinking I was doing
really well for 4.30 in the morning. All
the tooing and froing went on for about half an hour and then they piled back
into their fire engines and we were allowed back in.
As
I followed the horde back in (and boy there were some sights I can tell you, I
may never be the same again after what I saw that night – puts some of the
horror films I’ve seen into a cocked hat!) I saw a view that I hope I’ll never
have to see again ... a short, VERY rotund lady in her late 40’s with a brown
bob wearing a cow print onesie! The
sight of that cow print being stretched across her humongous backside together
with deep VPL lines will stay with me forever.
I swear to God I’m scarred for life – it was enough to give the toughest
tough guy nightmares!
When
I eventually got back to the room still reeling from the fright of ‘Cow Arse’,
but feeling quite smug at the lovely, yummy fire fighters I’d been able to ogle
(like I always say, you have to always look for the positive) until I looked at
myself in the mirror. No wonder I was
getting odd stares, my hair resembled an 80’s mail rock icon (it was mental!),
my mascara (which I had thought I’d expertly removed before I went to bed) was
smeared all down my cheeks, coupled with the ‘nightie’ effect – what a horror
... Oh the shame. No wonder I was
getting odd looks for the fire fighters. I guess it serves me right for
dreadful thoughts directed against ‘Cow Arse’!
It was 6.00 am when I feel asleep – the alarm went off at 6.15! Humph.
As
if that wasn’t bad enough, when I finally clambered a bit too sleepily into the
car, my brakes made the nastiest, crunchiest noise ever ... hmmmm not good ... Talk
about metal on metal, I was actually quite scared. Luckily the lovely men where I happened to be
working had a look at it when I got there (I only had to do 3 miles) and
replaced my two back brake pads for me for free. Bonus ... so all’s well that ends well!
Right
lovelies, that’s me for another day.
Until next time, be fabulous.
Lots
of love.
Jx
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