Mr Deep South

Right, back to the dating.

Now this was an interesting one…  Mr Deep South (all will be revealed later about the name) looked reasonably OK, although he only had one picture on the website and he was wearing sunglasses pulled down slightly and I have to say that he looked like he had a bit of a gammy eye – but on the whole, not unattractive or so I thought (as much as you can tell from a headshot).

He had his own business, he met the height stipulation, he hadn’t put anything in his profile or emails which could be classed as being obnoxious and he didn’t use text speak or call me ‘hun’ (Grrrrrrrrrrrr I hate that – always reminds me of Attila) … so he was actually off to a flying start!

We did the usual exchange of emails, before swapping numbers.  We had one quick phone call on a Sunday night and agreed to talk again the next evening – I was working away during the week, so would have plenty of time to speak in the evenings and it would be a welcome distraction from my dreary ‘Premier Inn’ *shudder*.

Our first conversation was for about 1.5 hours … I know, I know, that goes against the rules (ie you should keep those first conversations short otherwise what would you have to talk about when you actually come face to face) and I have to be honest, I didn’t really know what to think.  I do know that he monopolised the conversation and I knew so much about him at the end than he did about me … in fact, I can’t recall him asking anything about me … that seems to be another theme!!!  I’ve got to be honest, it did irk me a bit, but I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt … I never bloody learn do I?

The next night, we had another reasonably long conversation – however, I really did notice that it was all about him again – I definitely wasn’t mistaken and I’ve got to be honest, I was getting really bored.  However, being a glutton for punishment, I did agree to talk to him again the next night … In retrospect, I think it was out of boredom of being stuck in a boring hotel room rather than out of a want to actually speak to him, but when the time came, I texted him and told him I’d had to have dinner with colleagues and I wouldn’t be free until later … cut a long story short, I ended up speaking to him for 10 minutes and yes, you guessed it, it was all about him again.

Looking back, I’m actually quite glad I’d spoken to him so much because otherwise, I may not have picked up on his arrogance!  He actually told me he was arrogant (no shit Sherlock) and how successful he was, how wonderful he was and what a great catch he was bla bla bla … ‘whatever’ … then he told me his full name and told me to Google him (so that I could see how successful and wonderful he is … idiot).  That was actually his biggest mistake … 

The minute we got off the phone (me feigning tiredness) I of course Googled him … pictures first.  I could only find two pictures and believe me I looked!  One was the one that was on the dating site, the one with the gammy eye and another … OMG talk about fat!!!!!  We’re not talking a couple of lbs. here, we are talking seriously, full on, chub lardy fat.  He said he was 48 on his profile, I showed the picture to my dad who blurted out “58 if a day!  Dear God love, you can do better than that!”  (Awwww you’ve gotta love Dads).

Now this is the guy who on his profile said he was a Buddhist (he isn’t, he has just done the odd Buddhist meditation class and that does not make you a Buddhist - although he does have a Buddha Belly), he said he does yoga (not with that belly he doesn’t), that he really looks after himself and is at the peak of his fitness (deluded).

Now you could say that I’m being massively shallow, but I take good care of myself and I don’t want to go out with a slob or a liar or someone who has to big themselves up, so that was just icing on the cake for me.  I also thought it was odd that I searched the Tinternet and could only find those 2 pictures – there was nothing else at all!

During that the next day I was driving home and got a surprise call from him … I had a quick chat with him and told him I’d call him that evening, but I really didn’t want to.  When I got home I texted him and said that I was busy and going to my friends.  He said, “Call me when you get in.  It doesn’t matter what time”

I waited til about 10.30 and texted him saying that I was pooped and I’d speak to him the next day.  You know you’re not interested in someone when you’re making up excuses not to contact them.  It’s not rocket science.  He must have been pissed off with me because he didn’t text me at all the next day.  However, the Saturday, I got about 10 messages from him.  Finally I replied saying that he’s not the man for me … just that … nothing else.  He replied, “OK”.

For a couple of weeks after that, I didn’t bother with the dating site, I was too busy, but when I did finally go back on there he obviously saw me and sent me a message saying, “Still on here?  You shouldn’t have binned me off, lol”

‘Lol’ … I’ve found that men put that when they’re actually quite pissed off with you but don’t want what they’ve written to sound like they are!  I knew what he’d been thinking, because he is so arrogant, it didn’t occur to him that I just wasn’t interested in him, he thought that I’d met someone else, because why oh why would I not want to progress things unless there was another man involved?? Not when he’s so damn wonderful and such a catch (which, incidentally, he told me he was during one of our epic conversations).

I replied, “I haven’t been on the site because I’m busy, not because I’ve met someone else.  I’m sorry but like I said, you’re just not the man for me” Ouch! As you would expect, I didn’t hear back from him, nor have I heard from him since.

Oh and before I forget, the name reference … well that’s because he has a house in America’s Deep South which he told me endless stories about … and another thing I didn’t like is that he goes hunting … like proper ‘shoot Bambi’s mum’ type hunting.  That would never do!

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about my very own stalker!  It just gets better! Until then my lovelies, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx