Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Well, it’s not often that a film takes me by surprise but yesterday I watched a really fantastic film, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  Well, I know I’m a bit biased about vampire films (I’ve loved them ever since I was allowed to watch the miniseries ‘Salem’s Lot’ with David Soul in the early 80’s and have pretty much been, well, I think obsessed is going a bit overboard, but you get the picture) but this was particularly good.

I’ve got to be honest, it wasn’t filled with many faces I knew and the 2 faces I did know, I didn’t know their names, however, that did nothing to spoil my enjoyment.  So ... what’s it about?  OK, well, the premise is a bit ‘out there’ ie Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter but it’s still good.... President Lincoln’s mother is killed by a supernatural creature which fuels his passion to crush vampires and their slave-owning helpers.  That’s it in a nut shell. 

The graphics are good, the vampires are as you’d expect them to be, it’s full of suspense (even if a tad predictable) and is kind of an Action/Adventure/Horror/Mystery/Sci-Fi ... a bit of everything really.  Well worth a watch if you’re looking for something to see this weekend, in fact, I liked it that much that I may see it again! Here’s the trailer so you can see for yourself...

Well lovelies, sorry it's another quicky but I've got another busy day to day ... Oh and I've got Devon and Debi coming for tea, so that's always a laugh ... and we're doing KFC tonight so no cooking! Yay. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend whatever you're up to. Be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Breaking Dawn 2 - Brand New Trailers

Hello lovelies.  Well it’s been pretty quiet this week ... all work and no play.  But what I did want to share with you is the new trailer that came out yesterday for Breaking Dawn 2 (the last film in the Twilight Saga).  Actually, a mini trailer/teaser (if there is such a thing) came out on Wednesday just to whet everyone’s appetite and was quickly followed by another, longer version yesterday.  So here you go ... don’t say I don’t spoil you!

Right .... busy busy busy ... will catch up again soon. Until then, be fabulous!



Lots of love



Jx

Rock of Ages/Snow White & The Hunstman

Well what a really lovely day I had with my dad yesterday.  Like I said yesterday, we went to watch the Dalai Lama give a talk in Manchester.  I won’t go into the details here, but basically, the message from His Holiness was: treat ourselves, others and the world with compassion and love.  It was very moving actually and I enjoyed it immensely.

For my dad, it was a day of firsts (I love it when someone older gets to do things they’ve never done before - like I keep telling him, “You’re never too old ...”):

1.   He went to his first arena and was quite shocked about the size of it and how many people it could accommodate

2.   He saw the Dalai Lama – something he’s wanted to do since the 1960’s

3.   He had his first burger in the Hard Rock Cafe!

Oh, one little thing before I forget ... when I rang my dad to ask him where he wanted to sit in the Arena, I said, “Floor or tiers?” My dad replied, “Tiers because my knees aren’t good now Love and I may not be able to get back up off the floor” OMG, I died laughing!  He thought that because it was a talk by a Buddhist Monk, people would be sitting around on cushions on the floor!  Even he saw the funny side when I pointed out that ‘floor’ just meant the bit that wasn’t tiered.  Bless ... I love my dad.

It really was a lovely day and I really enjoyed spending so much time with him.  It was a real treat.

OK, so, moving on ... I told you I’d give you a quick review of Rock of Ages and Snow White and the Huntsman.  Starting with Rock of Ages, well I was a bit dubious about seeing this.  I’m a huge Classic Rock fan and always have been (it’s pretty much all I listen to if I’m honest) and I really wasn’t sure if I’d enjoy seeing some of my most loved songs re-hashed (and potentially bashed).  I’m also not a great fan of musicals or indeed Tom Cruise ... so I guess I was going out on a limb a bit. 

Well, I have to say that on the whole, I really did enjoy it.  Yes, it was a bit cheesy at times and more than a bit clichéd and it did get a bit annoying when they burst into song every couple of minutes (however, I guess I lasted longer than I would a normal musical because I loved the songs) and it did kind of have a story to it, but what I will say is, if you don’t like Rock music or musicals, don’t go ... you’ll probably hate it.

Unfortunately, there were 3 groups of teenagers in the theatre and I just knew they’d hate it ... and they did ... and weren’t quiet about it.  Every time someone broke into song, the girls would giggle and the boys would groan.  I can’t imagine that teenagers would like this film at all and they clearly didn’t know that it was a musical. So if you fancy seeing it ... be warned. 

Tom Cruise played quite a good part though ... I have to say that I’m privileged (if you’d call it that) to know quite a few rock stars ... and no, I won’t be spilling the beans here, now or at any other time, so you can get that thought out of your head ... and I have to say that his portrayal was quite accurate of some I know, at least in parts.  However, I will say that I was quite distracted by his stomach (and not in a good way) ... I couldn’t decide whether he was sucking it in to show his abs or pushing it out and channelling his inner Iggy Pop!  It’s a mystery that may never be solved. 


Russel Brand, well I usually like him, but the less said about his performance here the better.  He was trying to do some kind of Birmingham accent which just didn't work.  Why not let him use his normal accent I don't know.  It was all a bit weird and distracting.  Anyway, I know I’ve posted it before, but here’s the trailer in case you missed it...

Next, Snow White and the Huntsman ... I wasn’t too sure about this either because I’m not a fan of Kristen Steward (I think she’s bloody awful in the Twilight films and can’t act for toffee ... she actually makes me cringe when I’m watching her in those films).  However, she was surprisingly good in this and her English accent was fabulous (quell surprise!).  I think that may be because they kept her script to a minimum ... she doesn’t really have to say very much.  Charlize Theron who plays the evil queen was excellent ... her English accent was amazing too and she played a really good part ... probably the best I’ve seen her in.  The gorgeous Chris Hemsworth played the role of the Huntsman and what’s not to love about him?  Totally gorgeous, however, I wasn’t sure what accent he was trying to achieve ... it wandered between Cockney, Yorkshire and a weird take on Sean Connery’s famous Scottish accent.  Very odd and very distracting actually!

The dwarf performances were also a joy to behold ... Ian McShane, Eddie Izzard, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winston all played 4 of the 7 dwarfs beautifully!  I loved them.  The graphics were fab, the story was good (I’m sure I don’t need to go through it with you here) it was beautifully shot and well worth a watch.  In case you haven’t seen the trailer, here it is...

The only film left that I haven’t seen that I want to see is Prometheus.  I’ll see that at some point this week and let you know how it went.  Right lovelies, I’m off to do some work now.  I hope you all have a wonderful week and until next time, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

MIB3 and The Pact

OK, so what’ve I been up to this week?  Well, last weekend, I had Deb and Devon round for an indoor BBQ.  We were determined not to let the weather stop us, so I decided we’d have the lot, buggers, chicken, sweet corn, ribs, hot dogs, salad all done in the oven/hob and microwave.  I think us Brits are rather good at that type of thing ie not letting the poor weather stop us doing things (it hasn’t stopped raining since I got home from holiday).  We also had mini donuts and lemon cheesecake for desert.  So that was rather lovely.

The Sunday, I cooked again (I know ... mental!) for my dad and did him a sausage casserole (he loves sausages) with big fat dumplings, followed by hot treacle tart (I don’t like that, which is why I bought it ... I didn’t make it ... cos I knew I wouldn’t be tempted) with Cornish clotted cream.  All very lovely.

That evening I went for an impromptu drinkypoos at my local with Kath another of the friends from school I’ve recently been in touch with.  I had far too much to drink and was incredibly ill the next day.  I couldn’t really move until about 3.00 pm!!!!  Not good.

Tuesday, I went into Manchester and met some of my old colleagues, Michelle, Mehreen and Fiona for lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe (I had salad ... another first).  The rest of the week has been pretty quiet ... just worky stuff really and not worth writing about.

Late afternoon on Friday, I decided that I’d had enough of the week and it was time I caught up on the films I’d missed while I was away.  First off I went to the cinema and watched MIB3 and I loved it, it was really good and I thought it equalled the other two.  The story....  Agent J (Will Smith) travels back in time to save Agent K and the Earth from an Alien invasion.  While he’s there, he learns what made Agent K so dour and miserable.  That’s kind of it really, I can’t really say much more in case I spoil it for those of you who are planning on watching it.  The special effects were brilliant and I thought the whole thing was highly enjoyable.  Here’s the trailer...

The second film I watched on Friday was The Pact.  The story ... after their mother passes away, two sisters reluctantly return to their childhood home, one disappears and the other suffers nightmares and sees and feels weird things in the house.  The dreams lead her to uncover something terrible about her mother’s past. 

I’ve got to be honest, it was a bit slow at first and I really was considering giving it up as a bad job (I don’t do that very often) but really rocked up about half way through ... a fantastic twist near the end!  The only thing that spoiled it was nothing to do with the film, the theatre had about 4 sets of teenagers in there who where giggling and shouting and generally being idiots pretty much all the way through.  That coupled with the big fat woman who was sitting behind me who kept kicking the back of my chair (even when I’d glared at her ... then she did it again and I kindly – honestly, I was polite – asked her to stop ... she didn’t). 

I’ve gotta be honest, I’m not good with other people’s noise and general disregard for the rest of us when in the cinema, that goes for:

·         Talking loudly during the film

·         Taking their phone out so that you’re distracted by the light

·         Kicking the back of your chair (even when you politely ask them to stop)

·         Rustling sweet/popcorn/chips/crisp packets

The last one has to be the most irritating.  Why oh why are people so bloody disrespectful and sit there rustling papers?  It’s so distracting and annoying ... and while I’m having a moan, when did they stop doing popcorn buckets and do popcorn bags???  They’re so much noisier and so flamin’ annoying!  I’m not good with teenagers being all ‘silly’ either and trying to impress each other.  It’s probably because I don’t have kids but it really does wind me up.  I give them my very best ‘stare’ and actually, to a degree it usually works ...  I must be really scary!  OK, rant over.  But you know how I love films and I hate it when I’m distracted. 

Anyway, back to the film ... it was really good.  Here’s the trailer...

Right lovelies, that’s it for today ... I’m just waiting for my dad to come round so that we can get going to see the Dalai Lama.  Tomorrow, I’ll let you know about that and give you a write up on Snow White and the Huntsman and Rock of Ages.  Until then, Happy Father’s Day to you dads out there ... everyone else, enjoy your Sunday and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Journey Home & Fifty Shades of Grey

Hello lovelies.  Well, the last post I did was the last bit of writing I did whilst I was on holiday and I’ve got to be honest, not an awful lot happened after that ... every day was pretty much the same as I put in the itinerary in my last post with very little drama or deviation.  I think that’s probably a good thing if you look back at some of the other stuff that’s happened while I’ve been on other holidays.  There was one negative incident, but you know what?  I really don’t feel in a negative mood, so I’m gonna park that one.

The only thing of note was the journey home.  I left on the mini bus with Tanya and her friends on our 1.5 hour journey to the airport.  I really don’t mind that length of time because you get to see a good deal of the island (it’s only 27 miles long but the roads are really winding) and I never get tired of it.  When we got to the airport, our plane was delayed (only by half an hour), we went through security and Tanya and her friends toddled off into business class while I waited with the rest of the great unwashed.  I was a bit gutted actually and I’ve vowed that that ain’t gonna happen again!

Time passed quite quickly though.  I read the ‘Fifty Shades’ saga while I was away.  I’m sure you must have heard of these books.  They’re written by an English housewife and originally took the US by storm.  At the moment, all 3 books are the top of the paperback and download lists in both the US and UK.  Basically, they can only be described as soft porn – there is quite a decent story behind all the sex though and I have to be honest, I never thought I’d hear myself saying this, but by the time I got towards the middle of third book I was skipping the sex bits because they were too repetitive and rather samey.  I was actually thinking, “Oh for God’s sake ... not again!”

The heroine’s breath ‘hitched’ just once too many times for my liking and I kinda couldn’t wait for the series to be over.  Not that I didn’t enjoy them, I did ... but it all got a bit too predictable.  It was funny; I think we calculated that every third woman at the resort was reading the first book, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’.  I’ve never seen so many people reading the same book at the same time.  I can’t tell you how many conversations I had with people during the holiday that were reading it, had read it or were planning on reading it.  I’ve never seen that before.

In case you’ve been living under a rock somewhere and haven’t heard about these books ... they are written by E L James and the three books are:

Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades Darker

Fifty Shades Freed

Basically, they follow the story of a young, handsome millionaire who has lots of secrets in his past which have led him to be a bit of a sexual deviant ... he meets this young woman ... and I’m not saying anymore in case I ruin it for anyone.

Apparently, these books are such a hit in the US, that there have been TV programmes dedicated to talking about the sex scenes in them; women have also been giving the books to their partners in order to help spice up their sex lives!  Amazing.  Now, I’m not saying they’re the best things I’ve ever read ... far from it.  The English isn’t brilliant (OK, I can talk, but I’m not writing a book here ... I’m writing a blog) they’re a bit repetitive (as I’ve already said) but they are a great beach read.  Oh, and they're making a film of the book ... really don't know how they're gonna do that with all that sex!  Hmmmm it'll be interesting.

OK, so back to the airport ... I was finishing off the last ‘Fifty’ book and also decided to dive into my emails which I hadn’t touched since I got to St Lucia.  With both of those things, the 3 hours I had until the flight went pretty quickly.  The flight, I’m pleased to say was only 7.5 hours instead of the normal 9.5 hours (unusual tail winds ... yay!).  I did try to get my usual extra leg room, but it wasn’t available, so I got stuck in cattle class on the end of a 3 – luckily it was the aisle seat though, so it wasn’t all bad ... apart from when a fat bloke in the seat in front of me trod on my toe.  Boy did it bleed when I got home ... Ouch.

For some reason, I didn’t manage to sleep though.  Not even half an hour, which is not like me at all.  I watched a few films (you know how I love films), but apart from watching the Marigold Hotel again, I can’t really remember what I watched.  We landed safely back at Gatwick airport ... I had an hour before my next flight, which was perfect, not too much of a rush and all was great until I landed back in Manchester. 

Due to those amazing tail winds, we landed in 10 minutes early and really unusually, my luggage was already on the belt when I came through to collect it.  So I was actually out of the terminal exactly when the plane should have landed, 11.25 am. 

“Yay” thinks me, “I’ll be home for 12.00” I rang the taxi driver as we’d agreed ... the conversation went something like this:

“Hi Andy ... its Jx ... I’m here”

“You’re where?”

“Outside the terminal”

“Outside the terminal?”

“Yeah.  The plane was getting in at 11.25 ... it’s 11.25.  Where are you?”

“Erm, I’m just setting off”

“YOU’RE JUST SETTING OFF!!!!”

“Well, you said the plane was only landing at 11.25”

“It’s 11.25!!!”

“Well usually, it takes half an hour for you to clear out of the terminal after landing”

“Not on a domestic flight”

“Oh”

“Where are you?  Can you please come and get me?” (Oooooh I was so angry by this point)

“Yes”

“Right then ... be as quick as you can”

“Er, right”

Phone down.

Now, from where I live to the airport, it takes at least 40 minutes.  So even if he was planning on being half an hour late for me, he should have left at least 10 minutes ago.  What time did he arrive? 12.30 .... 12.30!!!!!  OMG I can’t even begin to tell you how angry I was.  He obviously hadn’t even come straight to get me when we finished our conversation, otherwise he’d have been there are 12.05.  I was livid ... I don’t get angry very often, but boy, I was hopping mad.  Oh, and I must mention here that it was pouring down with rain and only about 10C/50F ... I was wearing a maxi dress, flip flops and a cardi.... brrrrrrrrrrr, I was turning blue!  I hadn’t gone back inside the terminal because I didn’t want to miss him.

I marched over to him, as determinedly as I could with two cases and a heavy handbag and I gave him a few choice words, telling him how disappointed I was.  We get into the car and he proceeds to ask me if I’d had a good holiday!  FFS ... you really don’t wanna mess with me when I’ve been travelling for 20 hours and not slept for at least 27.  I’m usually quite a pleasant, nice, jovial person ... however, due to the circumstances; I was like the Wicked Witch of the West on acid.  Not a pleasant sight to behold.  We drove the whole way in complete and very awkward silence.  When we got to mine, I darted out of the car and opened the door while he sheepishly got my luggage out of the trunk.

Did I give him a tip?  No bloody way.  I felt slightly self satisfied because on the way there, I didn’t have any money to give him for a tip (although I did pay the £70 - $110 – return fare when he originally dropped me at the airport) and said I’d give him a double tip on the way home.  So he did himself out of a nice fat tip.

Ho hum.  I’ve never been so glad to get back home.  I literally got in and went to bed for a couple of hours.  Then my dad came round for a visit, I caught up on some TV and went to bed about 10.00 pm and slept right through until 11.30 am the next day!  I must have needed it, but I felt groggy for the rest of the day (I went for my nails and hair done ... priorities ladies!) I think I must have drunk a vat of black coffee!

Anyway, that’s enough for now, it’s getting late and I need my beauty sleep (now that’s an understatement).  I’ll catch up on the week’s news tomorrow and I have some film reviews to do.  I missed a few new big summer films while I was away so I’ve been catching up at the cinema over the last couple of days.  So far I’ve seen MIB3, The Pact, Rock of Ages and Snow White and the Huntsman.  Tomorrow, I’m actually taking my dad to see the Dalai Lama in Manchester... well, it is Father’s Day and we both think it’ll be rather cool!  So, until next time, enjoy the rest of the evening and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Day 6 - The Body Holiday - Le Sport

(Written on Day 6 of my jolly holibobs ...)

Hello lovelies.  I'm actually writing this in the evening rather than the morning today, so it'll be cramming two days in to one.

Well first off my bruises are even worse today ... I look thoroughly battered! Yesterday, I had another full body massage but had to tell the therapists not to touch my arms because they were so sore.  It was still a fab massage though, much better than the hurty one. 

Actually, looking back it was probably one of the quietest, without incident days I've had since I got here. Bliss!  One really good thing that happened was that my fabulous friend Tanya arrived with some of her friends. She's so lovely and I haven't seen her for a year, since I was here last time, so it was wonderful to see her and have a catch up.  Last night I had far too much to drink and really couldn't face getting up this morning to write my blog, hence why I'm writing it now.

Today, I had yet another fully body massage and again, there isn’t much else to report.  The weather was brilliant and I drank far too much again.  So rather than writing nothing, I thought I’d give you what seems to be the itinerary for each day:

8.00 Breakfast

9.00 Treatment

10.30 Beach

11.00 Pims and cold towel on the beach

11.30 Strawberry daiquiri

12.00 Strawberry daiquiri

1.00 Lunch and ‘champagne pick me ups’ (my brand new drink find - its fruit juices with the champers)

2.00 Beach

3.00 Home made ice-cream on the beach

3.15 Pims and cold towel

5.00 Club House and as many champagne pick me ups as I fancy

6.30 Room, shower, get ready

7.30 Piano Bar, more champagne pick me ups

8.00 Dinner more champagne cocktails

9.30 Club House - dancing and champagne

11.00 Piano bar and champagne

Anytime after that ... bed!

One of the new girls Fiona who came yesterday said to me tonight, do you get panicky when you start to come to the end of a glass and the waiter hasn't lined your next one up in front of you?  I don't think I've seen you yet without a glass in your hand!" PMSL .... I thought that was funny ... an accurate observation but funny.

The waiters here are amazing, they memorise what you're drinking and literally, you hardly have to order cos they watch when you're running low and have another in front of you before you finish the last!  My idea of bliss!

Well, sorry it’s a quickie lovelies, but I really am struggling to see the screen ... obviously that due to tiredness and not the huge amount of champers I’ve drunk!  Until next time, have a fabulous day ... be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Day 5 - The Body Holiday - Le Sport

(I wrote this on Day 5 of my holiday ...)

Ok so, this is gonna be a quickie cos I've got one hell of a hangover and I have to get up and get to breakfast (well, I say breakfast, but I doubt I'll be eating much ... I'm still shuddering at the amount I drank last night!)

So, what did I get up to yesterday ... Well, I changed my Aloe Vera wrap (which is great for skin that’s been a bit too long in the sun) for a massage because I thought it would be more beneficial, what with me not really being in the sun since I got here, but boy am I regretting that decision now!

For years I've had problems with my back and when I have a massage (especially when I'm here in St Lucia, because the therapists are so amazing) I always ask them to go as deep as they need to in order to iron out the knots ... and there are a lot of them (knots I mean).  Quite often when you get a massage at home it's so light, it's like being tickled ... I can't see the point in paying good money for that.

Well, giving my allotted therapist that little bit of info was like opening the flood gates.  Boy did she go to town and dig deep ... and boy did it hurt.  I didn't really say anything at the time, I just kept thinking, "It'll be over in a bit ... It'll be over in a bit and it must be doing me good ... Just go with it!"

Afterwards I've never been so relieved for a massage to be over!  I could hardly walk when I came out and was all a bit dazed and confused (I mean more than normal!) and today, I have the beginnings of huge bruises appearing on my arms and OMG they're so painful! Ouch ... I hate to think what they'll be like in a couple of days ... I look like I’ve gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.  Ho hum.

On to brighter things, the sun has shone without a cloud in the sky yesterday ... my first full sunny day, and how wonderful it was.  Julie and I had lil swim out to the donuts today (they are floating sunbeds - hard around the outside with what looks like trampoline tarpaulin in the middle.  Well, if you could have seen us trying to climb on board, it was bloody hysterical!  Like bloody mermaids we were ... not (think sea lions flopping in and out of the sea and you’ve got the idea ... not attractive ... I’m talking for myself here obviously, not Julie!  It was hugely unattractively and only marginally better getting out and off it than getting in, all legs a kimbo! 

Julie got out before me and left me in it for a while.  When I decided to get off, I couldn't figure out how to do it.  I said to the bloke in the one next to mine, "hey love, how do you get off this bloody thing? Do you dive in or what?" Well needless to say, he wasn't any help so I tried to be as dainty as possible and kind of slide off ... Actually that sounds far more graceful than it was, it was more of a 'flop' and it ended up with a mouthful of sea water ... nice!

We had a really good giggle last night, not least when we'd had our meal (there's a fab gang of about 10 of us) had a boogie to a really good band in The Club House and when they finished, we retired to the piano bar.  Well, when we got in there, there was a couple who were singing operatic type songs (you know the sort of thing ... Gilbert and Sullivan type stuff).  Now, I hate any type of amateur dramatics with a vengeance.  I’m not even sure that ‘hate’ is a strong enough word to describe how I feel about it ... loath might be better or detest ... detest, loathe and hate come pretty close to how I feel.  My mum did it for about 30 years and I really can't abide it - as you can imagine when we were kids, we were dragged along and made to watch every piss poor production that they did (sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s true!).  I was also made to witness all the back biting, premadonnas, everyone vying for 'the best roles and to be top dog and dissing everyone else.  In my opinion, a truly horrible environment ... anyway, I think you're getting the picture here (I’m getting wound up even thinking about it). Well, as a result I totally hate anything that even remotely reminds me of that.

These to idiots were that personified.  The Bar was packed and I swear these two thought that we were all there to watch them.  They sang song after song, doing all the movements as they went, singing to other with gross exaggerated ‘stage’ movements ... dear got in heaven above, it was painful.  The worst part is that you could see that EVERYONE in the room had had enough and were getting restless.  After about half an hour of their, erm performance, you could have cut he atmosphere with a knife.

Lovely Julie couldn't bear it anymore and headed over to piano to try and find some other songs.  Lynne (one of the other girls in our lil group) went and told the pianist that everyone was pissed off and he said, give me other songs and I'll play them.  Meanwhile, poor Julie was being given daggers by these idiots.

Well it all became a bit too much for me.  I marched over to some people who I knew had been looking at an Adele song book, asked them for it, opened it at 'someone Like You' and plonked it in front of the pianist the minute their final warble was finished.  The minute he started playing ‘Someone like you’, the atmosphere changed and EVERYONE stood up and started singing.  It was really quite extraordinary!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen such an immediate change in atmosphere.  It all of a sudden became light and fun.  It was wonderful.

Those two tried to sing a couple of Adele songs in their operatic tone (I hate that ... people who sing pop songs all operatic ... gives me the shudders) but were completely drowned out by everyone else.  It was fab.  Not long after, because they were no longer the centre of attention, they slunk off – after giving us daggers that is.  Nutters.

I’m glad to say that we didn’t hear them again.  Well, I kinda did.  At dinner the next night, I had to go back to my room for something and happened to pass the piano bar and I could hear them warbling.  I didn’t mind that though, cos the bar was empty and they were bugging anyone else (apart from the pianist ... I’m guessing that though ... he may have liked it!).

I think that night was the latest I’ve been to bed.  We had a really lovely night.  Right wonderful people, I’m off for brekkie and to nurse my hangover.  Tune in tomorrow for more escapades.  Until then, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Day 4 - The Body Holiday - Le Sport

(Written on Day 4 of my jolly holiday)

Well its 6.00 am again ... unfortunately the weather only marginally improved.  I probably got a total of 2 hours in the sun yesterday.  It was really weird actually; it would be baking hot sun one minute and like Armageddon the next!

One of the lovely ladies I met here that I told you about in another post, Julie, came up with a genius idea the first time it bucketed down ... "Let's go in the Jacuzzi! We'll be wet from the bottom up anyway, so the rain's not gonna matter!"  I thought that was rather inspired myself!

Genius, bloody genius.  We settled in, ordered a couple of strawberry daiquiris (well it was 11.30!) and watched the world go by.  She's fab Julie.  Wonderful sense of humour.  We actually just giggled and drank daiquiris for an hour. Lovely.

That evening, we were all going on a sunset cruise.  The hotel puts on a cruise at 4.30 every Friday night for customers.  When I was here last year it was only for return guests but I believe it’s open to everyone now.  It's actually (as you would imagine) just an excuse for a piss up.  I went on it when I was here last year, although it was my first time at the resort, I pulled some strings as you do and it was fabulous.  A mini bus picks us up and drives us 5 minutes down the coast to the marina where we catch the boat.  The boat then sails back up the coast to the hotel's bay and mores there while much drinking and merriment is had by all.  It also includes the obligatory 'formation' dancing to tunes like 'The Dollar Song' (if you've ever been to the Caribbean you'll know that one) and of course, watching the sunset.

Last time was fabulous.  The weather was amazing and the sunset beautiful.  This time ... it pissed it down the whole time.  I don't think I could have got any wetter if I'd swam alongside the boat – the rain was coming in horizontally!  I was a bit disappointed at first, more so because I'd just spent half an hour trying to dry my hair straight, combating the mad humidity.  However, we still had a fabulous time (I've laughed so much on this holiday) and I really enjoyed it, in spite of the wet.  Everyone is so lovely here, I’ve met some wonderful people - no wonder 85% of the hotel's business is from returning customers.

Boy was the champers and rum punch flowing on that lil trip.  So much so that when we came into the bay, they took the boat in as near to the shore as possible and one of the bar men waded out from the hotel with another box full of champagne!  I love that ... completely fabulous.

When we got back, despite being slightly bedraggled and rather damp, our little gang headed off to the Club House for a BBQ which was unbelievable yum.  A meat eater’s idea of paradise.

I drank far more than usual last night.  When I realised that I really couldn't get any more 'thin' liquid down me ie wine, I had an inspired moment and went back on the strawberry daiquiris. However, when the second one came, it was so loaded with alcohol that I couldn't taste the strawberry ... that's when I felt a bit woosey and decided it was time to go to bed.

Today, I haven't looked outside so I don't know what the weather’s doing yet.  Hopefully it'll pick up.  My 9 am treatment is an Aloe Vera Body-wrap which should be nice.  I booked it because I thought I would have had two days sun by now and my body might need a bit of a cuddle from the aloe, but hay ho, it'll be nice anyhow.

Yesterday's lime and ginger body scrub was good.  I thought my skin was already exfoliated to within an inch, but after having had that treatment ... it really wasn't.  It's wonderfully smooth now and I still have some of the false tan left on too!  Not too shabby even though I say so myself.

Right lovelies, that's me for another day.  More tomorrow, until then, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Day 3 - The Body Holiday - Le Sport

(Written on Day 3 of my jolly holidays ...)

Morning lovelies.  It's 6.00 am again and I'm wide awake.  Yesterday was a bit of an odd day ... It rained from beginning to end and when I say rained I mean torrential rain!  I don't mind at though in the Caribbean, just as long as it doesn't do it every day.

It always makes me laugh when I hear people moaning that it's raining when they come to the Caribbean.  I ask them why they chose to come here in the first place and invariable they say it's because it's so beautiful, lush and green plus the colours are so vibrant.  How the hell do they think that happens if they aren't expecting to encounter rain?  If it didn't rain almost every day, the place would look like Tenerife!

Yesterday was a bit different though, it hammered down all day.  It didn't bother me though, after I'd finished writing, I went down for a spot of breakfast (I had intended not to have anything cos I'd had fruit in my room, but when I saw what they had on offer, I really couldn't resist.)  Then I went for my first treatment, a full body massage, which was amazing.  I'm quite sore today actually because the therapist worked on my knots so hard!  It's a good hurt though, if that makes sense.  After that, I went back to my room, showered to get rid of the oil and optimistically applied my sunscreen.  I then bobbed on a bikini and matching sarong and headed to the Club House where I found the largest, comfiest sofa I could and plonked myself down.  And there I stayed reading and chatting with people until lunchtime.

It was lovely actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it.  It was very relaxing and I met some lovely people and had quite a giggle.  And when did I commence on the bubbles? That would have been about 11.30, when one of the girls, Julie, declared it time ... I wasn't going to argue with that one!

At 1.00 pm I had lunch with Toby the therapist I was telling you about yesterday, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon right back in the same seat I'd been in all morning.

Now, I've got to be honest, towards the end of the afternoon I was getting a bit nervous about my case.  The day before I'd been promised that it would be in my room for 4.00 pm, so I thought I'd give it to 4.30 and then go and check.  Well, when 4.00 pm came, I really couldn’t bear the suspense anymore so practically ran to my room.  As I was on my way, I noticed wheel marks on the floor going into the lift and my spirits were considerably lifted thinking that it was the wheel marks from my case.  I charged to my room, threw open the door and .... to my dismay found that it wasn’t there!

OMG I thought I was going to faint!  I just stood with my hand on the door knob trying to steady myself.  A million things ran though my mind ... "How the hell will I replace everything?" "I've collected all those clothes from all over the world, I'll never be able to replace them and if I could, I can't bear to think about how much it would cost!" “I've got no hair brush!"

I think at that point, if I'd have had someone with me, I'd have needed a slap to bring me out of my panic.  When I came round to my senses, I ran back down to reception and asked them to find out what was going on.  The concierge said that they had had confirmation that my case was on the plane in the morning which should have landed by now, and she would ring and see where it was.  I felt slightly better at this point.

She made the call in front of me and was told that the bag was in the country, that it would be put on a taxi immediately and would reach the hotel by 6 at the latest. I thanked the lady profusely and headed back to the bar for another drink to calm me nerves (well what else could I do?).  At about 6.30, I headed back to my room full of optimism that my beautiful new shiny leopard print case would be waiting there for me.  I tentatively opened the door and peered around it ... No case!

I swear my heart stopped for a second and I did a little swoon (not a good one!).  I headed back to reception and I've got to be honest, this time the concierge looked worried.  She actually left me in reception and went to make a call in the office this time, which worried me more!  I sat down literally with my head in my hands with all sorts of thoughts running through my head, when I happened to look round and there was a complete vision of loveliness, my case being wheeled in by a rather lovely taxi driver! Oh dear God, how I stopped myself from flinging my arms around the guy and planting a mahoosive kiss on him I'll never know.

Phew!  The porter took my case to my room, I quickly unpacked and got ready for the evening.  I had dinner at the communal table with about 15 other singles who were all either from Canada or the UK and actually had a rather pleasant evening.  I didn't stay out too long (I'm not much of a party animal anymore) so about 11 pm I made my excuses and came back to my room.

Earlier that evening, when the maid came to turn down the bed, she left a little Chinese tea pot with some herbal tea.  When I looked at it, it was to calm the tummy.  So I made a little pot and it was surprisingly nice and it did indeed calm my tummy (I'm gonna get some of that when I get home), tried to read a bit of my book, but my eyes were closing fast.  I don't know if I was so tired because of jet lag or from the stress on my case debacle, but I slept like a log.

I've never had much trouble sleeping in strange beds ... And before you read that the wrong way, I've spent quite a bit of my career working away from home so you kinda get used to it (*tut – you and your dirty minds*). 

Today I'm happy to say that the weather seems like it might perk up.  I can certainly see bits of blue sky, which is positive, so hopefully I'll get some sun. If not, I'll just do the same as I did yesterday.  It's just nice to be away and in stunning surroundings, whether it's raining or not!

Right lovelies, that's me for another day.  I'm off to get breakfast (actually as I ate so much yesterday, I really am only going to have coffee today) and off for my ginger and lime salt body-scrub.  The only thing with that is that it will undoubtedly remove the remainder of my fake tan so carefully applied before I came away and, as I haven't had the chance to get any sun yet (luckily I tan really quickly when I do see the sun) I'll be like Caspar the Friendly Ghost when I come out ... all pale and uninteresting!  On second thoughts, I may ask can I swap to another massage instead!  The thought of having no colour frightens the life out of my.  My mates say that I'm tanorexic ie I can't bear my natural skin colour and prefer to have what I like to describe as a "healthy glow" at all times!

More holiday updates from me tomorrow. Have a wonderful day and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx