'Safe' & 'Silent House'

A week or so ago, I was a bit bored and decided to put my cinema card to good use and watch a Silent House.  I’d seen the trailer and it looked OK, however, I’d seen reviews and they were pretty poor but I was completely unprepared for quite how bad it really was!  You know that I tend to ignore reviews as I’ve seen some films that I thought were really good that have had appalling write ups, however, this one was truly appalling.  So much so, that I fell asleep about 10 minutes in for at least half an hour of it only to be rudely woken every time the heroine screamed!

That really bugged me actually, because she wasn’t screaming at anything scary from what I could see and I’d have much rather been left to sleep all the way through!  The last 45 minutes that I saw were particularly rubbish.  Another rather annoying thing was that it was shot in that ‘Blair Witch’ stylie ie hand held, rather shaky, camera.

So what’s the film about?  A young woman finds herself sealed inside her family’s secluded lake house.  With no contact with the outside world and no way out, panic turns in to terror (I didn’t find it very terrifying I have to say!) as events become increasingly ominous in and around the house.

I pinched that wording from Flixster.  Makes it sound quite good doesn’t it?  It’s not.  There is a bit of a major twist at the end – don’t worry, I’m not gonna give it away – but it really wasn’t worth it.  I know the sign of a particularly bad film now ... if I fall asleep in the first 10 minutes; it’s a pretty good indication... I NEVER fall asleep in good films!  Here’s the trailer in case you’re interested - it makes it look better and more scary than it is! (Guys you may want to watch it for the tailer!)...

Well, when that film finished, I really didn’t fancy going home (is that sad?  Don’t care!) I decided to watch the only other film that I hadn’t seen, ‘Safe’.  Now, if you’ve read my previous reviews, you’ll know I’m in no way a fan of Jason Statham when he’s attempting an American accent.  To put it bluntly, it’s piss poor ... shockingly bad ... he really needs a better language coach.  However, it was the only film that I hadn’t seen so thought I’d give it ago ... I could always go home or fall asleep if it really was rubbish.

However, I was pleasantly surprised.  His accent wasn’t as bad as normal; the worst snippets of his poor accent are in the trailers!  That’s a bad move by the movie promoters as it will put so many people off watching it.

So, what’s the film about? Well, a second-rate cage fighter blows a rigged fight and as a result the Russian Mafia kills his wife and banishes him from his existing life.  He then witnesses a Chinese girl being chased by the same Mafia who killed his wife and helps her escape them.

If you like car chases (I’m not a fan) and lots of gun battles and fighting (again, I’m not a fan) then this is the film for you.  I don’t like either of those things, but still found it surprisingly entertaining and managed to get past the accent!  Defo worth a watch.

There are quite a few other films out now, or due to come out that I definitely won’t be watching:

- American Reunion

- How I spent my summer vacation

- Piranha 3DD

I’ve absolutely no interest in those teeny, collegey, boobs and ass films.  So I won’t be reviewing those!

On the other hand, there are some great looking ones coming up such as:

- Men in Black

- Snow White and the Huntsman

- Prometheus

Really looking forward to those.  Right Lovelies, that’s me for today.  Until next time, be fabulous! 

Lots of love

Jx

Dukan Diet Update!

Well how disappointed am I?  I thought I was doing really well on my Dukan diet (today is day 4) – I haven’t cheated at all ... AT ALL.  Not one thing that’s not on that list has passed my lips and I’ve also done way over and above the recommended exercise of 20 minutes walking.  In fact, I’ve done at least 2 hours a day in the gym since (and before) the start of the diet.

Today, I got on the scales (the book says to weigh yourself constantly because the weight will drop off you and you will see a difference from hour to hour even!) and disappointment doesn’t even cover it ... I’d put a pound on!  How the hell did that happen?  Gutted.  I really don’t understand how it happened, because I’ve even just totted up the calories I ate yesterday (you’re not supposed to calorie count on this, however, calories in vs calories out is a pretty good rule for weight loss) and I actually only had 980 calories!

Now, before one of you buys in to that ridiculous idea that I’m ‘training so hard and muscle weighs heavier than fat’ rubbish, I just don’t hold with that.  I’ve hardly turned into Arnie plus I was training before I started the diet.  I think that’s applicable for men who can put on huge amounts of muscle, but it’s never held true for me – and I actually think it’s an excuse that fat people use when they don’t lose weight!  (Sorry, that’s probably controversial ... but true!)

 So I’ve gotta be honest, I’m at a bit of a loss.  In fact, in case you think I’ve got dodgy scales ... I have two pairs (bet you’re not surprised about that one are you?) and weigh exactly the same on both.  I’ve also gone back and weighed myself at least 5 times since I woke up (its 9.00 am now) and there’s been no change. 

I’m more than a bit disappointed.  I’ve put tonnes of effort in and I’ve gained a pound!  I was tempted to knock the whole diet thing on the head; however, I really can’t afford to do that what with my holiday only 12 days away ... eeek!

Oh and to add insult to injury (actually, it’s the other way round, injury to insult) I seem to have done something to the back of my left knee, which is massively painful and swollen and I nearly fell over when I tried to stand on it this morning.  Hmmmmm it’s really not sounding good when you add it all together is it? 

I’m thinking I should abandon all thoughts of diet and exercise and just go away ‘au naturel’ on my hols ... Oh who am I kidding ... that ain’t never gonna happen! Lol

Right, on to other things ... This weekend is a busy one, I’m happy to say.  Tonight I’m meeting up with some school friends I haven’t seen for 25 years.  We arranged it months ago and originally had decided that we would all go out for a meal, however it turns out that we all have reasons not to eat:

1.    Lovely lady 1 (Jo)  – is on a body attack at the moment and has been training hard in order to get fit and healthy – plus it’s her son’s birthday on Sunday and she doesn’t want to disrupt her diet 2 days in one week (totally get that)

2.    Lovely Lady 2 (Sharon) – is currently doing the Slimming World diet and doesn’t want to jeopardise it (totally get that too)

3.    Lovely Lady 3 (Jo) – is doing a ‘Run for Life’ on Sunday (so proud of her) and as she’s in training, she doesn’t want to eat a big restaurant meal (again, perfectly reasonable)

4.    Me – well I’m on the Dukan diet so it’s diet coke all the way for me

5.    Lovely Lady 4 (Issy) – didn’t really get the option! Lol

I was thinking about it last night ... when did that happen?  The fact that a bunch of fabulous (because we really are!) 40 somethings pass up a lovely restaurant meal in order to get our bodies trim and feel better about ourselves?  Not fair!  20 years ago, it wouldn’t have occurred to us to do that (mind you, we probably couldn’t have afforded it then!).  No wonder the diet industry is so mahoosive!

Ho hum ... I guess it’s just one of those things, slightly depressing though.  However, I have to say, that if I hadn’t overindulged last weekend and put 5 lbs on (in one weekend) it probably wouldn’t have occurred to me not to have the meal.  In fact, I’d have been quite disappointed at the suggestion that we don’t eat!

Tomorrow, I’m off to watch Elvis at a Golf Club with a lovely friend Jill.  Wouldn’t it be funny if turned out to be the real one ... anyway, that’s just mental ... must be the diet affecting my brain! Should be fun, I’ll tell you about it next week.  Oh and this afternoon, I’m going to watch the new Johnny Depp film ‘Dark Shadows’ ... so looking forward to that!  I’ll give you a review over the weekend.

Right lovelies, I’ve got a busy day ahead (work, proposals, gym, cinema and meeting lovely friends today) so I must rush.  Hope you have a wonderful Friday and remember to be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Dukan Diet

Well, I hate to say it, but it’s been another quiet week.  Not much going on really.  I didn’t go back to yoga ... I whimped out.  I did see a woman at the hairdressers at the weekend who overheard me telling my hairdresser what had happened last time I went and she offered to come and “sort the little sh*t” out for me.  That was nice of her ... I was tempted, but subsequently declined her very kind offer!

In other news ... you know how well I’ve been doing with my weight and training in the gym practically every day?  Well, it all went disastrously wrong at the weekend.  It was a Bank Holiday in the UK and for some unknown reason, I decided that I don’t put weight on anymore and as my weight had stayed pretty stable for the last 2 months, I could afford to have a bit of a splash (in calorie terms). 

Mistake! HUGE mistake.  From Friday to Tuesday I’d put 5 lbs on!  OMG, I nearly fainted when I fell off the scales on Tuesday.  5lbs!  How the hell did that happen?  I don’t think I overdid it that much, it just must be that my metabolism has gone a bit bonkers lately ... that and the couple of bottles of wine I drank over Friday and Saturday, coupled with the Fish and Chips I had on Friday, Chinese Takeaway on Saturday, full on Cantonese Restaurant meal on Sunday and roast dinner at my cousins on Monday.

Hmmmmm second thoughts, that’s one hell of a lot of additional calories! Ooops.  The saving grace here is (now bear in mind that my holiday is less than 2 weeks away now and panic mode was setting in) my cousin has been on the Dukan diet and lost 4lbs in 4 days.  ‘Answer to my prayers’ I thought!  So that’s what I’m doing at the moment ... I started it on Tuesday, it’s Thursday now and I’ve lost 2.5 lbs.  Not too shabby I thought.

In summary, the diet is in 4 phases – I’m in the Attack Phase which means I can only eat meat (not pork in any shape or form, or lamb or ribs .... they’re all too fatty) eggs, no fat yoghurt, cottage cheese and fromage fraise and seafood.  No carbs allowed AT ALL apart from a tablespoon and a half of Oat Bran.  No veg, no bread, no fruit, no potatoes, no sugar, no cheese, NO NOTHING.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE!  You also have to walk for 20 minutes a day (that’s not a problem for me as I’m a proper gym bunny at the mo) and drink 2 litres of water a day (also not a problem as I do that too).

The first day I felt a bit sick.  I’m a bread junky and don’t eat that much rich food on a normal day (obviously I’m not counting what I ate at the weekend!) in fact, my diet is extremely carb heavy if I’m honest, so I did expect it to take a while to adjust.  However, on the whole feel pretty good!  I’m eating whenever I’m hungry and because I’m eating pure protein, it fills you up quickly so you don’t eat as much of it.  I also haven’t felt in the least bit tired or lethargic, just a little bit sickly every now and again, but that passes quickly.

I haven’t looked at the next phase of the diet yet (you really have to get the book PLEASE DON’T JUST DO WHAT I’VE WRITTEN HERE ... THERE’S MORE TO IT! That’s the disclaimer done), which I’m supposed to move into between 3 and 5 days (depending on how much weight you have to lose).  In the next phase you slowly introduce veg back into your diet (oh joy!  Isn’t exactly a donut now is it?) and then do a day with veg and a day without, alternating for a period of time before the next phase.  I definitely haven’t got that far ... one step at a time! 

So as I say, it all seems pretty good so far.  I’ll keep you informed.  Right, I’m off to the gym now for my walk!  I’ve seen quite a few films in the last week so I’ll do a review catch up tomorrow.  Enjoy the rest of your day and be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

90's Dating Disasters (It's not a new thing!)

I had dinner with a really old friend (she's not really old I have to point out ... before she kills me, we've just known each other for ever) a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about some of the dating disasters I had in my twenties (they aren’t just a new phenomenon!) and she urged me to write a couple of them down.  I have to be honest here, I had thought about it previously but resisted because I think I’m being far too negative about dating (it also makes me sound like quite a saddo) and I am a follower of the law of attraction which basically states, you get more of what you focus on ... I think that’s the reason why I have so many sh*te dates! Lol

However, she convinced me that it was entirely wrong of me not to share more disasters with the world.  In fact, her exact words where, “Aww come on Jx, the world needs more laughs!”  So, without further ado...

90’s Dating Disaster 1

I started seeing a guy that lived in Yorkshire which when you don’t have a car, might as well be on the moon.  I’d been seeing him for around 6 months, however, because of the distance between us (it was probably only about 80 miles, but that’s forever away when you’re young), we’d only see each other every other weekend or so.

Anyway, I was watching breakfast TV one morning; I remember that the programme I was watching was ‘The Big Breakfast’.  On this programme, they always featured a ‘Family of the Week’ and each Monday, they would introduce the family, you know the kind of stuff, who they are, their names, what they do and where they come from.  When it came to the daughter of the family of the week, I remember Chris Evans (the presenter) saying to her, “and what a shame that your boyfriend can’t be here, but still, you’ve brought a picture of him for us to see”

Yep, you guessed it ... MY BOYFRIEND!  Obviously I never saw him again!

90’s Dating Disaster 2

This was a guy I’d been seeing on and off for about 18 months.  It definitely wasn’t love and I wasn’t going to marry him (he really wasn’t marriage material), he was extremely handsome (and boy do I meant handsome) however, he was particularly dumb... definitely a sandwich short of a picnic.

One day a friend of mine rang me in work (this was before mobile phones folks ... remember that?) and said, “Have you seen Hello magazine (or it may have been OK, I can’t remember) this week?” “What?” says I.  “What are you ringing me in work about that for?”  She just told me to buy the magazine on my way home and ring her as soon as I got in.  I asked her repeatedly why, but all she kept saying was “Buy it and ring me.  Promise?”

I finally agreed to do just that and did as she said and bought the magazine on my way home.  As she’d been so insistent that I buy it, I couldn’t wait until I got home to read it, so opened it there and then.  To my horror, a few pages in was a 6 page spread together with full colour photos of my boyfriend who’d seemingly got engaged to a rather popular soap star the previous weekend (when he told me he was working) and they’d obviously sold the rights to their ‘exclusive engagement’ photos, shot at a beautiful bijoux hotel in the country! 

Other pictures included her in a bath full of bubbles and him sitting next to her on the side of the bath in his obligatory fluffy white dressing gown, one of them staring lovingly into each others eyes, one of them strolling hand in hand in the country side (he hated the country) and finally, one of the ring.  That was the funniest, because I'd known him forever and knew that he didn't have a pot to p*ss in and I would say without a shadow of a doubt that she would have bought the ring!

Nice!  He’d been round at mine and we’d been for a meal the night before and he never mentioned a thing.

It didn’t last (as you'd probably guess) and I remember that he sold his story to a tabloid newspaper for £20,000 about 4 months later (told you he wasn’t marriage material – but maybe he wasn’t that dumb after all!).

Awwwww I can laugh now cos it really is funny - in fact, I remember laughing at the time ... again, you can’t make it up!

I’m sure there are more stories, I’ll keep thinking on it and let you know if I come up with any.  Until next time lovelies, I hope you have an amazing weekend ... be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

My Creepy Yoga Teacher

I just realised that I forgot to share this with you...

Well, if you’ve been reading my posts lately, you’ll know that I’ve got a holiday coming up and I’ve been training rather excessively in order to get into bikini shape.  In fact, I’ve been training at least 5 days a week, a minimum of 2 hours each time.  I think I may also have mentioned that I’ve upped my yoga sessions as there’ll be an international yoga teacher at the Spa Hotel I’m staying at while I’m there and I really want to be able to take full advantage of his classes.

I’ve got to admit that I really had forgotten why I stopped going to a particular yoga teacher (I’m not going to mention his name or where he practises) but it’s come flooding back to me rather, erm quickly...

I’d been taking this guy's classes for well over 10 years when about 3 years ago, he started getting a bit more ‘friendly’ than usual.  It was very subtle at first, however, slowly I noticed that he always seemed to stand not at the front but wherever I happened to be standing.  I thought it was just me initially, but I started moving around the room and plonking in a different spot each time and it quickly became clear that he was indeed following me round. 

Then came the touching ... Now, adjusting poses I really don’t mind, that is absolutely part of the job and most good yoga teachers will do that.  However, this started to get much more than pose adjustment.  He’d come over to me and lean right into my person space and ask me if I was OK, he’d pull my pony tail when he walked passed and generally touch me as much has he could.  It began to feel really uncomfortable. 

In fact, it got particularly bad when we’d do the meditation at the end of the class.  He’d always stand near me and sometimes would come and sit down by my head and rub my shoulders ... *shudder*.  That’s when I stopped going.  In retrospect, I probably should have said something or complained to the venue, however, I didn’t want to cause a fuss and decided it was better to go to yoga elsewhere.  Like I said, this was a few years ago. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago I decided to go back to his yoga classes (I have a shocking memory and had pretty much forgotten why I’d stopped going ... I have that much going on in my life that I can’t always remember stuff  that is not really important) and for the first couple of weeks of doing his classes, everything was fine.  However, the more classes I attended the friendlier he was and it got to the point where he was conducting the class from wherever I happened to be in the room again. 

This really stood out one day when I attended a class I don’t usually go to.   The room was dark when he came it and he didn’t notice me (obviously not expecting me) until I was putting my mat away at the end.  During the whole class, he didn’t even move off his mat at the front of the class.  I’ve never seen him do that.

The next class I went to, he resumed his usual behaviour of being very overly touchy feely ...  way too touchy feely.  I’m not going into the detail here, but suffice to say that I definitely won’t be going to his yoga classes again and if he even dares to come near me at any point in the future, I’ll knock the bugger out!  (I must point out that I’m not a violent person ... however, there’s a first time for everything.)  It’s such a shame.  He’s actually a really good yoga teacher and apart from the touchy bit, I really do enjoy them but I definitely won’t be going again.  

I happened to be in London at a Seminar on Saturday and I was chatting to a yoga teacher and mentioned my ‘ordeal’ to her and she was rather horrified, so I know it’s not just me blowing things out of proportion.  She also reminded me that if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, how can you be blowing things out of proportion?

Ho hum.  I know I say it over and over again, but you really can’t make this stuff up.  I haven’t had time to find another yoga class yet, so it’s going to be DVDs for me I think.  After all, I have been doing yoga most of my life, so it’s not like I really need a class!

Right lovelies, that’s me for another day.  Hope you’re having a wonderful week.  See you soon, until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Legions of Lovers

Well I really had to comment on this ... I don’t know if you’ve seen anything about it in the papers, but since Bill Roach aka Ken Barlow admitted in his interview with Piers Morgan that he’d slept with over 1000 women, aging lotharios have been coming out of the woodwork to compete with him.

OMG, I can’t believe it!  I wouldn’t imagine that it’s a competition that you’d want to win, however, since Bill’s revelation it seems that another 3 aging men in the public eye have been vying for position of who slept with the most women.

Firstly, there was Johnny Briggs who played Mike Baldwin in Corrie – Ken Barlow’s arch enemy – who has allegedly said that he doesn’t know how many women he’s slept with but its more than Bill Roach!  It seems from that comment (if it’s true) that there’s rivalry on and off screen.

Then there was mild mannered 60s/70s DJ Tony Blackburn who has allegedly admitted to sleeping with over 500 women - who knew!  I wonder what he does with his wig while he’s getting down and dirty?  On second thoughts, that's really gross.

Now there’s Mick Hucknall who’s allegedly admitted to 3,285!!!  That’s a very precise number don't ya think?  Others who’ve allegedly admitted to the number of women they’ve slept with are (in ascending order):

Nick Clegg 30
Tiger Woods 120
Lemmy 1,200
Peter Stringfellow 2,000
Jack Nicholson 2,000
Englebert Humperdink 3,000!!!!!
Julio Inglesias 3,000+
Gene Simmons 4,800
Charlie Sheen 5,000
Warren Beatty 12,775

Beating them all hands (or willies) down (or up!  Sorry, couldn't resist that) is Fidel Castro.  He allegedly slept with at least 2 women a day for 4 decades totally 35,000 women in a lifetime. 

Where did they find all those women and how the hell do/did these guys find the time! Oh my goodness ... fair makes your eyes water!  And what’s even worse is that I wouldn’t call even one of those guys good looking ... Lemmy for goodness sake!  What are the women who slept with these guys thinking?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, self respect ladies, self respect!

Awwww, you’ve gotta laugh, especially at the competition aspect of it.  Actually, when you think about it, it’s quite sad that someone has to sleep with so many women to feel valued!

Well lovelies, on that note, I’m off (it’s Friday tomorrow ... yay!).  See you soon.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

The Avengers & Prometheus

Hi lovelies – sorry I haven’t been around for a while.  It’s been all go on the work front, so I’ve really had to concentrate on that!  I’ve not got a huge amount to update you on, but there have been some rather juicy gossip in the news lately.  I may not have time to come to that today, but I will in the next day or so.

Today I thought I’d give you a quick review of the new ‘Avengers’ movie.  It’s called, ‘Marvel’s Avengers Assemble’ in the UK ... apparently, the Studio was worried that we may get it mixed up with the 1960’s TV programme, ‘The Avengers’ if they stuck to the US title.  Honestly? How dum do they really think we are! ... OK, don’t answer that.

Anyway, what the film about?  Well, following his banishment from Asgard (I think that’s how you spell it ... you really need to see ‘Thor’ for the context), Thor’s wicked brother returns to wreak havoc on the inhabitants of Earth.  The Incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth – Yum), Captain America (Chris Evans ... not to be confused with the UK DJ), Iron Man (Rober Downey Jnr – Yum but a bit on the small side), Hawkeye? (Jeremy Renner) and the Black Widdow (Scarlett Johannson) are called together by Samuel L Jackson to fight the evil force threatening the planet.

As you’d imagine, it was an action packed film with loads of amazing graphics which culminated in the usual mahooosive battle at the end.  I’ve got to be honest, I did quite enjoy it (although that may have been mostly from ogling Chris Hemsworth and his muscles) however, I did think it was a tad too long at 2 hours and 22 minutes and more than a bit predictable.  Also, if you’ve seen the trailers, in time honoured Hollywood style, you’ve probably seen most of the best bits.  That said, I did enjoy it (although I doubt I’d see it again) and it was quite funny in places.

Here’s the trailer in case you haven’t seen it...

Also coming up this really soon is an amazing looking sci-fi film that I saw the trailer for while I was waiting for The Avengers.  It’s called ‘Prometheus’ and is out on 1 June.  See what you think...

Well, sorry it’s a quickie, but I really didn’t want to leave it much longer to post something in case you thought I’d given up!  I’ve more juicy celeb gossip coming up so tune in again soon.  Until then, be fabulous.

 

Lots of love

Jx