On-Line Dating - Jeep Man

  

Right, I’d better get on to Sunday night’s date then...

Well, I’ve got to be honest, I’m not sure it started off too well on the Saturday when we swapped numbers.  I’m going to call this guy, Jeep Man.  We’d already agreed to meet through email and swapped numbers ‘just in case of emergency’ on Sunday.  Well, again, as soon as I’d mailed my number it was a matter of seconds before he sent me a picture of himself saying ‘boo’.   I thought, “Hmmmmm bit keen ... and a picture too .... hmmmmmmm ... likes himself a bit then”  But as I’m trying really hard to be nice and put any negativity to one side, I texted back with a ‘Boo backatchya’.  I then climbed in the car and headed off to the cinema to watch ‘House at the End of the Street’ (I’ll review that separately) which is 5 minutes from where I live.  As soon as I parked up I got this text:

“So are we going to spend the next two days flirting outrageously ... and really building up the anticipation for tomorrow night? Jxxx”

Well, I really don’t know what came over me, I think it could have been remembering back to that guy earlier on this year who sent me 50 texts in one day, but before I’d even registered what I’d written, I’d sent this:

“Hate to disappoint, but I’m dead busy and hate texting so chances are slim! Soz! Xxx”

I know, I know, a bit harsh.  I actually couldn’t believe I’d actually sent that when I read it back!  My thought process was, “So we’ll get into texting each other backward and forward then I’ll meet him tomorrow and he’ll be an idiot and I’ll have completely wasted the last 24 hours” ... hmmmmmm think I may have an issue? Ha ha. 

Next he texted back:

“Oh I’ll just have to keep myself amused then ;-)”

My reply (I cringe as I write this):

“Have fun!”

OMG!  I really can’t believe I did that ... what a biatch!

I obviously didn’t hear back from him for the rest of the day and if I’m honest, I really didn’t expect to hear back from him at all!  I told my dad what I’d said to him, my dad’s reply, “Oooops! That wasn’t very nice!”  Next day, it got to about 2.00pm and I decided I’d better text and see if we were still going out.  By 5.00 pm I still hadn’t heard back so started to plan my evening: open a bottle of wine, start my blog, watch the new series of Downton Abbey and I was actually quite looking forward to my evening (and I wonder why I’m single).  When at 5.15 I got this text:

“Hi, sorry I haven’t had a chance to reply sooner ... my weekend been good, has yours? Yea, still good for 8pm.  I’ll meet you in the car park.  What do you drive? Xxxx”

I replied, then he replied attaching a photo of his BIG black Jeep (hence Jeep Man) together with private number plate.  So that’s two photos he’d sent me – one of him in his bedroom (go figure) and one of his penis extension.  (Is that mean?  Don’t care!)

And there my lovelies, I must leave it for today.  ‘Awwwww’ I hear you cry, but I can’t give you it all in one day, what will you have to look forward to? Ha ha.  Until tomorrow my lovelies, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Autumn On-line Dating - Part 2

Oh my goodness you guys are funny ... hits yesterday went into overdrive!  I get it, I get it ... you like the dating stuff! OK .... so here's some more.  Yesterday I promised that I’d let you see a small selection of some of the emails I’ve been receiving from this new dating site I’ve signed up to.  I have copied and pasted exactly as I've received them and the bits in bold italics are obviously my comments.  Enjoy!

Email 1                

wow you look lush x (DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 2               

Hi x You look delightful! (He was 65 and sent me this picture of a teddy ... what am I ... 6? DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 6

fancy a chat x (DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 4               

Hi how you doing  (That's quite a common one - I get that one a lot ... been watching too much 'Joey from Friends' - DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 5               

stunning hun (DELETE!)

Email 6               

great body x (DELETE!)

Email 7/8/9/10 (Different emails all from the same guy - there's more from him later too)

·         I’m 6 ft 3 16 stone ex rugby man x hope you like? (DELETE)

·         Hope you like a 6ft three 16 stone 45 inch chest ex rugby man x (DELETE)

·         hope a 6 ft three 16 stone 45 inch hest ex rugby man is your type x (DELETE)

·         6 FT THREE knight says hello xx (DELETE)

Email 11              

wow. you look. luvly. Xx (DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 12              

hi how are u (DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 13             

hi, well i must comment on the fabulous femininity...I could not resist. Your profile and your reasoning show signs that you are caring and have compassion....but I may have to observe what i say very closely..lol and although the distance may initially be against the us bit....lol...why not compliment you anyway....if there is no mutual liking it is no problem...Mick :-)  (WHAT? – DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 13/14/15 (Different emails all from the same guy)

·         Hi there how u doing (I'm having a 'Joey from Friends' flashback - DELETE)

·         Stunning hun (DELETE)

·       u ok hun (Why the hell wouldn't I be? DELETE)

Email 16              

grate body (Grated cheese? Grated carrot? What? DELETE - NEXT!)

Email 17              

your gawjus x (Enough said! DELETE - NEXT!)

Now, it seems that I have a bit of a stalker too.  Before I realised what a weirdo I had in the guy who emailed 7/8/9/10 above, we'd had a bit of an email chat and he sounded kind of nice, so I agreed to meet him and we swapped numbers.  Almost immediately he texted me but I couldn't reply because I was driving and I'm so glad that I couldn't because over the next 5 hours I got 15 texts, the 4 emails above.  He has continued to text me periodically over the last 3 days.  Here's a snippet:

"Hi xxx"

"How are x u xxx chat tomorrow Xxx"

"Good day xxx"

"Chat later x"

"U there" (OMG! Some people just don't get the message do they)

"Chat x"

"6ft 3 rugby man x" (I get the idea that he's quite proud of his height and his sport!)

"Chat x"

Unbelievable ... that just today's texts and that's beside the emails he's sent too.  Aren't people weird? Ho hum ... NEXT!

I haven’t forgotten that I need to tell you about Sunday’s date, I’ve half written it so I’ll post it tomorrow.  I’ve also got a date tonight, so I’ll tell you about that this week too.  I spoke to him yesterday (only for a couple of minutes) and he sounded quite normal.  We also live quite a bit apart from each other and he's offered to travel to me, so that's a bonus!  Until tomorrow lovelies, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Autumn On-Line Dating - Part 1

Woooohoooooo over 6,000 views!  Thank you so much ... I really appreciate your contiued support ... you guys ROCK!

 

OK, so, you know that I’ve been really quiet lately, apart from giving you film updates, that’s because I haven’t really had much to tell you about.  I’ve been pretty much all consumed by work, the more I’ve done, the more I’ve needed to do and the less time I’ve allowed myself for other fun things, which definitely is not a good space to be in!

Last week I was feeling particularly bored and more than a bit fed up (not like me at all), so gave myself a bit of a talking to, something along the times of ... “All work and no play makes you a dull ass blogger” or words to that effect.  So, I thought, “Hmmmm what can I do?  I need to get out more, giggle more and have a bit more fun.  How can I achieve that?” and then it struck me like a Caribbean Rum Punch ... “ON-LINE DATING!!!!”

OMG, how could it not have occurred to me sooner!  It’s been a while (sufficient time for the scars from my last foray into the dating scene to heal a little) and as I really didn’t want to throw (read waste) any more money I decided to try a free on-line dating service that I know lots of people use.  I’d previously decided not to use that site because I thought, “How good (cheap) can these men be if they don’t want to pay to sign up a dating site? And will they actually be serious about finding someone?”

But I thought, “What’ve I got to lose? I don’t want to spend any more money (not that I’m cheap, it’s just that it on-line dating has been less that fruitful in the past ...) why not give it a go?”  So, a couple of weeks ago, I signed up. 

For the first week, I didn’t really bother with it if I’m honest, I really couldn’t be bothered, however, last week I thought, “OK, Always Do What You’ve Always Done, Always Get What You’ve Always Got” (my favourite saying and best motto for life) get on with it woman.  So I spent a good few hours (honestly) working my way through the slew of mails I’d received.  I wanted to whittle them down as quickly as possible, so here is my shortlist criteria (can you tell I have extensive recruitment experience? Lol)

1.    The Picture:

a.    Middle aged and frumpy ie not looked after themselves - DELETE

b.    ‘Boy racers’ (you know the ones that are avid sunbed worshippers, stripped to the waist showing there ‘rippling muscles’ and tattoos  – or sucking in their stomach – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you can’t suck in love handles) - DELETE

c.    Clutching a pint or a beer - DELETE

d.    Yellow crooked teeth (ewwwwwwwww) – DELETE

e.    Actually, my biggest criteria is, “Can I see myself kissing that mouth?” if it’s a no - DELETE

2.    Use text speak/can’t construct a full sentence or use correct grammar eg ‘u’r cute x’

3.    They’ve obviously sent a ‘form’ email (a standard one that they sent to lots of women – it’s easy to spot those)

It’s amazing how efficient you can be when you use a good set of selection criteria!

I’ve been keeping a note of all the funny emails I’ve been getting (as I’ve done before) I know you guys like reading those, so I’ll put them in a post tomorrow. 

Once I’d gone through my selection process, I went about replying to the ones that were left and I’ve been managing the responses to those over the last couple of days.  I also re-read a couple of good on-line dating books that give you some really good hints and tips for wheedling out the time wasters (I’ll share some of those as we go along) which have really helped me focus.  I’ve even been on my first date!  I don’t have time to write about it today, but I’ll make sure that I get it written down and posted for you this week.  As you’d probably guess, it was an experience!

Right lovelies, don’t forget to tune in tomorrow and for the rest of the week I’ll try and keep you updated on progress.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Anna Karenina, Hope Springs, That's My Boy Reviews

Yesterday I said that I’d review Anna Karenina, That’s my Boy and Hope Springs today.  So let’s start with the worst first...

That’s my Boy – well I’ve got to be honest, I really wasn’t bothered about seeing this (and definitely wouldn’t have bothered if I hadn’t had my cinema pass) and following Adam Sandler’s recent record I wasn’t holding out much hope for even a bit of a giggle with this one. 

It was exactly as you’d expect, silly – that’s probably the best word I can find for it – it’s a ‘college kids’ film full of innuendo and toilet humour.  It’s the story of a young boy who has an affair with his teacher, who then gets sent to prison because he was underage, but she was pregnant with his baby.

Sandler becomes a star because of his affair and brings up the kid who leaves home at 18.  Years later, Sandler is unable to pay his tax bill and orchestrates a reunion with his ex teacher/lover which involves finding his son (who is about to get married) and bringing him to the jail. 

Anyway, I’ve probably said far too much but in summary, it was actually a bit of a giggle and whilst exceptionally far-fetched was, in parts quite funny.  What was even funnier is that most of the kids who were in the movie theatre with me had no idea what most of the jokes were about (the 1980’s is referenced throughout the film – the music was 80s rock too eg Van Halen, Foreigner, which I quite enjoyed).  At one point, I heard a girl in the seat in front of me say to her boyfriend, “Who’s Han Solo?”... I guess that says it all!

 

 

Next let’s do Hope Springs – this is the story of a married couple played by Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones who’ve been together forever and have lost their spark.  They sleep in separate beds, no longer communicate and she’s had enough so books them into couples counselling, much to his annoyance.

They then travel to somewhere (that’s quite irrelevant really) and start their counselling with Steve Carell (well the character that Steve Carell plays, obviously!).  The story then follows them as they try to piece their marriage back together again.

All in all, it was slightly depressing but exceptionally well acted (as you’d expect from those brilliant actors).  I did rather enjoy it, however, I really don’t want to see people of that age having sex and found it a little cringe worthy in parts.  I’d definitely recommend it though, but as more of a chick flick.  See what you think, here's the trailer...

 

Lastly, let's look at a really excellent film Anny Karenina.  I know a lot of people who have read the original Tolstoy book and loved it,  I hadn’t read it so really didn’t know what to expect.  I've got to be honest, I found it a bit odd at first, not the story but how they’d decided to shoot it.  It didn’t make sense to me (although that could be because I haven’t read the book, I’m not sure) but it seemed to be all set in a theatre and they kept moving the set scenery depending on where they were supposed to be in the story, which I found a bit distracting and confusing at first and I did think about leaving up to about 20 minutes in because I was getting quite frustrated watching the scenery moving.

However, I seemed to forget about it after a while and got into the story which is about a woman who embarks on an affair with a much younger which virtually destroys her and those around her.  It was gripping and had quite an unexpected ending.  It was acted really well by Keira Knightly (who I’m not a massive fan of) and Jude Law who plays her husband.

It’s a fabulous love story and really quite intelligent (you don't get many films like that ... see my review for That's my Boy!).  Definitely worth a watch, here’s the trailer...
 

 

More soon lovelies, until then have a wonderful week and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Lawless & Dredd 3D Reviews

 

Well, again all is quiet on the Western front so nothing much to report, but I do have a couple more film reviews for you.  Last weekend I watched Anna Karenina, Dredd, Lawless and That’s My Boy.  I’ll start with the best first...

Lawless was one of my most favourite films this year (nothing to do with the fact that it had one of the best casts I’ve seen for a long time, including my favourite actor of the moment, Tom Hardy) but it was a gripping story with fabulous acting. 

It’s based on a true story of infamous bootlegging siblings during the Prohibition era in America.  It’s a massive gangster style tale with lots of twists and turns (not to mention some very gory fight scenes which are not for the feint hearted) and definitely worth a watch.  Here’s the trailer...

 

Next there was Dredd which is obviously a remake of the early ‘90’s Sylvester Stallone move ‘Judge Dredd’.   For those of you who haven’t seen the original, this is much darker and much bloodier.  Actually, it’s quite a gore fest, so if you’re expecting otherwise, you’ll be shocked.  It definitely deserves its 18 rating. 

The story centres around two cops who are fighting to keep law and order in post apocalyptic America.  Running from Boston to Washington DC lies Mega City One which is a vast, violent metropolis where criminals rule the streets.  Following a rather brutal murder of three men in one of the ‘mega blocks’ (they were skinned and thrown over a balcony ... nice!) two Judges enter the block in order to bring those responsible to justice.

Was it in my top 10 films of this year, erm no but it certainly wasn’t in my bottom 10.  If you like sci-fi, gore and lots of fight scenes, then this one is for you.  Here’s the trailer...

 

 

Tomorrow, I’ll review Anna Karenina, That’s my Boy and also a film I saw yesterday, Hope Falls.  Until then, have a wonderful Monday and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

The Watch and A Few Best Men Reviews

 

 

So the other two films that I saw this weekend were ‘The Watch’ and ‘A few Best Men’. 

Firstly, ‘The Watch’ ... dreadful, absolutely dreadful.  There were a few funny bits but really, just about the worst film I’ve seen this year.  I doubt it could actually get any worse and I even considered walking out, but couldn’t be bothered... I was warm and enjoying my chocolate limes.

The film stars Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn and I guess potentially could have been really good, but it was dire.  The premise ... aliens keep killing people and stealing their skin so that they look human.  They were trying to set up a signal back to their home planet which would start an invasion on Earth and they were trying to send the signal from a Costco store (that was produce placement on a whole different level).  Why Costco?  I have no idea, other than the fact that they probably agreed to pay the most for the privilege.  Here’s the trailer ... that’s all you need to see.
 

 

Secondly I saw ‘A Few Best Men’ which wasn’t brilliant but was much better than The Watch.  There were funny bits and downright cringe worthy bits.  The premise ... a guy meets a girl on holiday and they decide to get married, she lives in Australia and he takes his best friends over to support him at the wedding (he’s an orphan and has no family).  Her father happens to be a Senator and has invited lots of important people to the wedding and as you’d probably imagine, mayhem ensues. 

It stars Xavier Samuel (him from the last Twilight films), Oliver Newton-John (who was just terrible) plays the bride’s mother and a few other actors that you’ve seen in British films but don’t really know their names.

In summary, I definitely can’t say it’s the best film I’ve seen recently (all a bit too silly for me) but OK if you’ve seen everything else and definitely better than The Watch.  Here’s the trailer.
 

 

Right lovelies, that’s it for now.  See you soon and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Total Recall & The Possession Reviews

Well I’m afraid that it’s still a bit ‘all work no play’ for me at the moment.  The only thing I’ve done over the last few days that didn’t involve work was ... yep, you guessed it ... going to the movies.  Friday I saw two films, The Possession and Total Recall.

The Possession was BRILLIANT!  I absolutely loved it.  It was reasonably scary, but not gory (I love horror films, but hate the gory ones).  If you’ve seen ‘Case 39’ with Renee Zellweger and you liked that, you’ll love this.

The story centres around a young girl who persuades her dad to buy an old box covered in obscure inscriptions.  It doesn’t take long for weird things to start happening to her and her family.  You may not know the stars names, but you’ll know their faces.  The girl’s dad is Jeffrey Dean Morgan (from PS I love you ... love that film!) and the mum was played by Kyra Sedgwick (she’s been in tonnes of films but I can never remember her name).

Anyway, it was the best film that I’ve seen in a long time and definitely worth a watch.  Here’s the trailer.
 

 

 Next, Total Recall.  To say I was disappointed was an understatement.  Graphically it was beautiful and far better than the original (well it was over 20 years ago) but the story was quite different (what story there was ... practically none) and seemed to me to be just one big ‘chase’ ... boring.  The new Batman film was like that too ... no story, just one long chase.  Also, I didn’t like the fact that they didn’t go to Mars (the whole story was based on post nuclear Earth) and there were no mutants!  I guess that’s not politically correct nowadays; however, there was a token but rather random woman with 3 boobs.  No explanation as to why she was the only mutant with 3 boobs, but hey, I guess they were trying to pull some stuff through from the first film.

Oh and I mustn’t forget how they try to make you think that the ‘woman’s head which changed into Arnie’ was gonna happen the same way ... it didn’t.  I think that was the weirdest, most pointless part of the film actually.  So, in summary, looks fabulous, failed miserably on the screenplay.  Here’s the trailer.
 

 

 

I’ve also seen ‘A Few Best Men’ and ‘The Watch'.  I’ll review them tomorrow.  Until then, have a wonderful Monday and be fabulous.

Jx