Great Expectations/Silver Linings Playbook

 

Well, again, sorry peeps but not got a whole lot to report.  I really must look at getting a life!

I have, however, seen a couple of films that I wanted to share with you.  First, I saw Silver Linings Playbook on Friday.  I had read some reviews for it and it sounded really good, including a rave review from Fearne Cotton – she said it was amazing, she cried buckets at the end and she loved the soundtrack.  So with that in mind, I was really looking forward to it.

So, the story, Pat (Bradley Cooper – yum) after discovering that his wife was having an affair by walking in on her and her lover (who just happened to be playing the ‘first dance’ song from their wedding), battered him and ended up ‘doing time’ in a mental institution as a result - claiming temporary insanity.  When he’s released, he meet Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence – her from ‘The Hunger Games’), a rather dysfunctional woman with plenty of problems of her own – when her husband died, she went off the rails in a rather self-destructive manner.

All Pat wants is to get back with his wife and Tiffany offers to help but only if he’ll do something very important to her in return.  As their deal plays out, an unexpected bond begins to form between them.  Oh and his dad is expertly played by Robert De Niro who has an excellent ‘just woken up’ face ... Brilliant!

I really enjoyed this film.  Although it was a bit predictable in places, it was funny, warm and quite moving (although definitely didn't bring a tear to my eye at the end ... must be Fearne's hormones as she is pregnant at the moment!) - definitely worth a watch.  Here’s the trailer...

 

Today I watched ‘Great Expectations’.  I absolutely loved the original version and am not usually very keen on remakes, however, as this one has so many amazing British actors, Helen Bonham Carter (playing an inspired Miss Haversham), Robbie Coltrane, David Walliams, Tamzin Owthwaite and Ralf Fiennes, I thought that you couldn’t go far wrong with that cast ... and I wasn’t wrong.

It had all the atmosphere of the original.  The sets and costumes/make up were wonderful, the acting every bit as good as you would expect (however, the guy who played Pip – whom I don’t really know, could have been better).  HBC was totally brilliant as only she can be.  Disturbing and intriguing in equal measures.  I really can’t think of a better person that they could have chosen to play that part.  Ralf Fiennes was equally as good if not better than the actor who played the convict in the original film.  All in all, definitely one to watch.  Atmospheric, beautifully shot with a brilliant story – something that is sadly missing from so many of todays films (ba humbug!).  Here’s the trailer...

 

Oh, I nearly forgot.  I watched Gambit last week too.  I’d love to review properly and tell you what I really thought of it, but I fell asleep 10 minutes in and woke up 10 minutes before the end (I’ll swear I was snoring!).  However, from the bits I did see and taking into consideration the fact that I actually fell asleep in the first place, it wasn’t very good.  Also the fact that I haven’t bothered to watch it again, kind of speaks volumes.

However, if you do want to see it, it stars Cameron Diaz, Colin Firth and Alan Rickman.  Colin ropes Cameron in to a cunning plan to defraud Alan by selling him a knocked off painting.  That kinda sums it up.  I just remember hearing a whole lot of hullabaloo about Firthy losing his pants!  Nuff said.  Here’s the trailer...

 

Right lovelies, bed time for me.  See you soon.  Until then, have a wonderful week and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Fun Size, Hotel Transylvania, Frankenweenie

Last few film reviews - Fun Size, Hotel Transylvania, Frankenweenie.

Let's dive straight in ... Fun Size is an American teenager orientated film (I usually avoid those like the plague ... I’m really not a fan of teenage ‘high jinx’ ... humbug ... but I was bored and I’d seen everything else apart for Love Bite) the premise is that a girl has to look after her brother and take him trick or treating on Halloween, she doesn’t want to, he goes missing, she has to find him before her mother comes home ... cue all kinds of funny escapades.  Yada, yada, yada, yawn.

Summary, great for teenagers, there are far better films out there to see for adults.

Hotel Transylvania I quite enjoyed.  It was a lot of fun and made me laugh – as kids films usually do.  I think these animated films are very clever ... there’s enough funny stuff in there for adults to enjoy too, either that or I’m still a big kid at heart!  Awwwww.  So Hotel Transylvania is Dracula’s lavish five-stake resort where monsters and their families go to holiday without being bothered by humans.  Dracula invites some of the world’s most famous monsters to the hotel to celebrate his daughter’s 118^th birthday.  Trouble ensues when an unsuspecting human finds himself at the hotel and takes a shine to Mavis (Drac’s daughter).

It’s a lovely film and not too scary for kids ... I can’t imagine who wouldn’t enjoy this!

Lastly, Frankenweenie (I think this may have gone off cinemas now ... it has at my local cinema, but it’s worth a review anyway).  This, in case you’ve been living in a hole, is another Tim Burton offering and I guess the nearest think you can compare it to is Corpse Bride.  It had a very dark storyline and I wasn’t entirely sure if I had small kids, whether I’d want them to watch it.

The story is that a dog dies and his owner (a small boy) brings him back to life ... bits of him keep dropping off though which I found quite alarming (but then again, I’m a huge dog lover).  There weren’t many people in the theatre when I watched it, but two families with small kids did walk out ... and actually, I can’t blame them.  It’s in black and white too and the subject matter is a bit hard going.  Kids love a good story and nice bright colours, this although I did enjoy it, I couldn’t see how it would really appeal to kids when there are other fabulous films out there like Madagascar, Hotel Transylvania and Paranorman.

That’s me for another day.  Enjoy your weekend and I’ll see you soon.  Be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Breaking Dawn 2 - Review

Well, what can I say ... I LOVED IT!

As you’re probably guessing, I’ve seen the new Twilight film today and I’ve got to admit that it was the best yet.  Obviously you have to look past the unbelievably bad acting of Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson (they are even more wooden than usual in this one and in parts look incredibly self conscious and embarrassed ... I was embarrassed watching them actually ... appalling - I’ll never understand how they landed those prime roles).  But that said, I thoroughly enjoyed it and the whole 1 hr 55 mins went really quickly.  Ridiculously quickly in fact!

So, the story (if you’ve not read the books ... if not, why not?  They’re so much better than the films!) starts as Bella wakes up after giving birth to Renesmee while she was still human and has now been turned into a vampire.  I have to be honest, that stuff was really interesting in the book, especially how Renesmee’s growth was described and how Bella came to terms with being a Vampire, but they kind of glossed over that, which was a bit disappointing.

Another Vampire spots the child and reports it to the Vulturi (Vampire children ie turning children into Vampires is a crime in the Vampire world and that’s what this woman assumes has been done).  The Vulturi then decided that they need to sort the problem out, however, what they actually want is Bella the one who sees the future – I’ve forgotten her name – to join their group, so set off to settle scores and bring those two into the fold.

What I will say is that there is a twist ... a BIG twist that isn’t in the book.  In fact, some Tween’s sitting behind me shouted, “That’s not in the book” followed by another shouting, “Confussed.com” which never goes down well with me.  I’m lucky in that I tend to go to the cinema during the day when it’s practically empty, however, as it’s the first day’s showing of the new film, there were more people in there than usual ... when I say ‘more people’ I mean Tweens, which are only ever surpassed by small children in the ‘intensely dislike in having to share a cinema with’.  I can’t bear it.  All that talking, giggling, shouting at the screen trying to impress friends, showing off, kicking the back of my chair (I actually grabbed the teenage kid’s foot that was sitting behind me when he stuck his foot through the gap between my chair and the next one, right next to my ear and literally growled at him! Oh dear, I really am an old grouch ... he stopped kicking me though!).

I think it was good that they did something different with the film though ... it shocked the hell out of me!  I’m not going to tell you what it is, obviously and hopefully I won’t have spoilt anything for you by even mentioning it.  But regardless, if you like the Twilight Saga, you definitely won’t be disappointed.  If you don’t like them, it’s still worth a watch ... if you don’t mind suffering incredibly poor acting!


Oh and if you're wondering how they show Renesmee's growth ... CGI ... bit weird really and not totally convincing!

Well, that’s it for now lovelies and I know I’ve posted it before, but just to whet your appetites, here’s the trailer. 

 

Until next time lovelies, enjoy the rest of your Friday and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Paranormal Activity 4 & Silent Hill: Revelation

Well lovelies, that day has come ... Breaking Dawn Two has been released and I'm off to see it this afternoon!  I was planning on seeing it last night ... let me tell you the quick story.  I knew that my local cinema was having a Twilight marathon session yesterday and as I wasn't particularly busy and am a bit of a fan, I decided to do it (for a while anyway as I was meeting my lovely friend, Justine, for tea but I thought I'd at least get to see one and a half films).  So I got ready, jumped into the car (well, not really a 'jump' ... I was wearing heels and it's hard to jump in a car wearing heels) and headed off.  Got to the car park and low and behold, no spaces!  Denied!  Of course I could have parked somewhere else and walked, God forbid, but I don't really walk anywhere (apart from at the gym on the treadmill) unless I can help it, so drove home - and started watching a fabulous series I haven't seen before, Alcatraz!  Anyway, that's another story ...


There was a showing of the new film at 12.05 am this morning and I did comtemplate it on the way home from meeting Justine about 10.00 pm, I thought I'd probably be able to catch Part 1 and then watch Part 2, but when I visualised my lovely comfy bed waiting for me, that put paid to that idea!  So today is the day.  They have showings literally every half hour, so it shouldn't be too hard to get in.  I'll obviously let you know my thoughts when I've seen it.  Can't wait!  Wooohooooo!


So for today, I've reviewed Paranormal Activity 4 and Silent Hill (I did write one for Sinister then realised that I'd posted one for that a couple of weeks ago ... duh!).

I was looking forward to all these films.  As you know, I LOVE horror films and each of the trailers for these 3 all looked really good.  So let’s start with Silent Hill: Revelation.

I was looking forward to this one the most.  The first Silent Hill is one of my absolutely favourite horrors of all time and I can watch it again and again and again.  I think I identify with it because some of those scenes and creatures are very close to what it’s like living in my head! Lol

This however, was really disappointing.  Although a lot of the same characters were there and it had the capacity to be really scary, somehow, it just missed the mark completely.  It was really predictable and had none of the suspense of the first ... actually, now I come to think of it, it was absolutely the suspense that was missing.

The story ... the young girl from the first film has found her way back to her father in ‘the real world’ but they are continually on the run because there are people who are trying to take her back to Silent Hill.  When her father goes missing, she sets out trying to find him and ends up back ... yep, you guessed it, in Silent Hill.  That’s it really.  Not much else to say!  Here’s the trailer, but I warn you, the best bits are in the trailer and if you haven’t seen the first one, I seriously urge you to ... it’s head and shoulders above this one... which was a Revelation (see what I did there!?)

 

Next Paranormal Activity 4 ... I’m not going to say much about this.  If you’ve seen the others, you’ll know what to expect ie not very much and a few short scares along the way.  Very low budget with very few scares.  I do think these films are better seen at the cinema though.  I saw the first two at home and missed the scares because my attention had wandered and you really need to be watching the screen, without distractions, at all times not to miss the jumpy bits!

 

Right lovelies, that’s me for another day ... a few more reviews tomorrow and we’re up to date.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Argo, Taken 2, Here Comes the Boom!

Today, reviews for Argo, Taken 2 and Here Comes the Boom.

Argo is another really brilliant film that I saw on Monday, Argo.  I wasn’t sure that I’d enjoy this one as it’s set in the late 1970’s and is based on the Iranian hostage crisis (which I actually remember a happening) so I really didn’t think it would be something I’d enjoy.  However, the reviews I read where really good.  I mean REALLY good, so I thought, “Why not”.

Well, I’m glad I did.  It was really good, very enjoyable and rather gripping actually.  The story, during the Iranian revolution in 1979, 6 American Embassy employees manage to escape and hide out at the home of the Canadian Ambassador.  Knowing it’s only a matter of time before the 6 are found out and likely to be killed, a CIA infiltration specialist comes up with a risky plan to get them safely out of the country.

It was excellent.  Full of twists and turns and kept you guessing right to the very end.  Highly entertaining and well worth a watch.  Here’s the trailer ...

 

Next, let’s look at Taken 2.  I was really looking forward to that film.  The trailers had been everywhere and made it look really good.  I loved the first film, it was one of those films you just kind of stubble on and turns about to be amazing (I love it when that happens).  Not so for this rather lame sequel though.  Don’t get me wrong, I still really love Liam Neeson and I actually felt really sad for him that the screenplay for this film was so bad.

What’s it about? Well you know how his daughter was kidnapped in the first film and he went on a killing spree, attacking all her kidnappers and killing as many as possible?  Well, their families now want revenge and come after him, his ex-wife and their daughter (she doesn’t have much luck does she?) on a trip to Istanbul (like you would holiday there after everything that went on before ... go figure!).

I can’t say that much action ensued.  It was really rather boring, lacked story and lacked action (not good for an action film!).  Definitely one for the ‘never watch again’ pile ... hence no trailer!

Next, let’s do ‘Here Comes the Boom’.  This was a weird one because considering how many times I go to the cinema, I’d never seen any trailers for this one ... not a one!  Which is rather sad because I think it was a really funny film that many people won’t see because they don’t know about it!

Basically, it’s a bit of a ‘boys’ film with some rather basic humour and quite a bit of cheese, but I still enjoyed it and laughed out loud quite a bit.  Kevin James plays a former college wrestler, Scott Voss, who is now an overweight, bored biology teacher in a failing high school.  When cut backs threaten the music department, laying off their teacher (Henry ‘The Fonze’ Winkler), Voss begins to raise money by taking part in mixed martial art fighting.  Salma Hayek plays the love interest.  It is rather schmaltzy, but enjoyable all the same.  Here’s the trailer, because you won’t see it anywhere else unless you Google/YouTube it!

 

Right lovelies, that’s it for now, more tomorrow.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Skyfall and Love Bites Reviews

Well lovelies, it’s been a while and I must apologies for my absence.  I’ve had a lot of ‘stuff’ going on and only ever want to be in the very best frame of mind when I’m writing for you guys, because I only ever want oodles of positivity to flow your way (apart from when I’m writing about dodgy dates that is!).

That said, I haven’t got a lot to tell you about ... no wild parties, no wild nights out, no ‘Champagne Saturday’ and most of all, no dating to report on! I told you it was getting a bit heavy and negative so I knocked it on the head for a while.  No doubt I’ll have another go at some point, but with everything else I have going on, I can’t stand the drama!

So what the hell have I been up to?  Films.  Lots and lots of films!  In the last few weeks, here are some of the films I’ve seen:

Skyfall (I can’t say that without doing my impression of Adele when I say it ... I can’t sing, and it’s not pretty ... but it makes me laugh!)

Taken 2 (crap)

Argo (brilliant)

Fun Size (shockingly crap)

Here Comes the Boom (quite funny/entertaining ... good ‘boys’ film)

Hotel Transylvania (nice)

Paranormal Activity 4 (crap)

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (doubly double crap)

Sinister (crap)

Frankenweenie (OK)

Love Bite (I can’t find the words!)

 

I really should get a life!

So in the next couple of posts, I’ll give you a run down of my favs and those I wasn’t so impressed with.  They’re all still on in the cinemas (just about), so are worth a review albeit a brief one for some of them.

So let’s start with Skyfall.  I have to be honest, for a film fan you’re not going to believe this, but this was my first ever Bond film ... honest!  I’ve never seen one.  Of course I’ve seen bits – my dad and bother used to watch them when they came on the TV on Bank Holidays, but as I could never stand my brother (and still can’t) I couldn’t bear to watch them.  So no matter how many times people have told me how wonderful they are, I just couldn’t bring myself to watch them.  I’m the same with Westerns too ... my brother loves them, so anything he loves, I hate!  Sad, I know, but we don’t all live in Kansas, Dorothy.

Right, so, the film ... I never really thought much of Daniel Craig before, I can’t really recall seeing him in that much and when he’s interviewed, I’ve never noticed too much of a personality, but I have to admit, I thought he was excellent.  As I haven’t seen his previous Bond films (I have now!) there were a couple of bits in the film that were lost on me (I’m going to watch it again this week to see if it makes a difference) but on the whole, it was one of the best films I’ve seen this year ... and I’ve seen a lot!

In this film, Bond’s loyalty to M is tested as her past comes back to haunt her ... a big way (love Dame Judy ... she’s worth the entrance fee on her own!).  M16 comes under attack and 007 must track down the threat, no matter what the personal cost.  That threat is a baddy in the shape of Javier Bardem as you’ve never seen him before (or any Bond Baddie for that matter).  It was such a surprise, not just the blonde hair but ... well; I’m not going to tell you in case you haven’t seen it.  All I will say is that Javier played a creepy baddie to perfection (makes me shudder thinking about it!).

One thing that really made me laugh about Javier was a tweet I saw from David Walliams.  He said that when Javier strokes Bond’s leg in the film, it was like him and Simon (Cowell) when they’re together! Pmsl

The chases and special effects, as you would expect where amazing, but what sets it apart from other similar types of films I’ve seen lately, is that there’s actually a brilliant story all the way through.  They don’t just rely on magnificent ‘chase’ scenes to carry the film.  It was fantastic.  Go see it.  Even if you’re not into spy films (like I was) you’ll love it.

When I came home, I watched Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace ... both excellent ... really excellent – and they did fill in those gaps.  I haven’t watched any of the other Bond movies (I tried Dr No, but got a bit bored ... and it wasn’t just because it was a 60’s film ... I already own tonnes of 60’s films and love them ... I think it just took me back to those rainy bank holidays!) I also think that I won’t like the other Bonds as much ... how could they live up to Daniel (not even Sean Connery whom I love!)

OK, now let’s go from one end of the spectrum, to the other.  From the best to the worst.  This afternoon, I was really bored.  I’d seen almost every film that’s out at the moment (not Madagascar ... nope ... not doing that one) but everything else bar a little Brit film, Love Bite.  It had really mixed reviews and as I’ve said before, I tend not to watch Brit flicks as they’re generally rubbish.  Well, this was the worst film I’ve seen this year.

I should have known it would be really bad when the guy who was serving me said, “Are you sure?!” and gave me a funny look.  I said, “That bad?”  His reply, “Yup”.  So it ended up with just me in the cinema on my own.  That happens quite frequently when you go to the cinema on a week day ... it’s quite nice actually, like a private showing, however, the downside is that I’m frightened of the dark!

Back to the film, basically it was about a bunch of sex crazed kids (virgins) being chased by a warewolf who could was quite partial to eating the odd virgin.  It was jam packed full of teeage inuendo and pranks ... yawn/cringe.  There’s not really much to say about the plot other than it involved a warewolf hunter and ended (I don’t care, I’m gonna give you the ending) with a profile shot of two warewolves having sex.  Oh dear *shakes head, shudders and shrugs shoulders* 

That’s an hour and a half of my life I’ll never get back!  Right lovelies, that’s me for today, I need to eat.  See you tomorrow when I’ll review Argo, Ben Affleck’s new film (which was brilliant!).  Until then, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

The Worst Ever Date

 

Well lovelies, I can quite honestly say that I had just about the worst date ever last night.  This guy, let’s call him Phone Man, contacted me ages ago and we’d been mailing for far longer than I usually would (as you know, if a man hasn’t asked me out within 5 email exchanges I abandon it as a bad job).  However, just for a change, I quite fancied this one so ignored my own rule (I should have a new motto, “Ignore your own rules at your peril”!).  Most of the guys I get are usually pretty overweight, short and very middle aged looking.  This guy on the other hand looked quite cool with a very reasonable body.

So after many emails back and forth (and I mean many) trying to arrange the night, we met last night at a local country pub that I know well and feel safe at.  While I was getting ready, I got a text from him saying that he was looking forward to seeing me but that he was nervous.  I wrote back and said told him not to be nervous because I’m actually quite nice and then thought, “Should I have told him that I was nervous too?” (I wasn’t) so I did and said that we’ll both be fine ... “See you in a bit” [now bog off cos I need to get ready or I’ll be late!... I obviously didn’t say that bit].

This time we both got there on time, he wasn’t late so that’s a good start and he texted me as he was walking into the pub (I actually saw him do this as I was drawing up) and asked me what I wanted to drink.  “Good start” I thought, at least he’s there before me and doesn’t want to meet me in the car park.  I find that guys that want to meet you in the car park are usually quite insecure (like Jeep Man).

I replied saying, “Just pulled up, see you in a mo”.  He then texts me back (“Oh for goodness sake, can’t you wait a minute, I’ll be seeing you in 2 seconds!”) “Medium or dry” I couldn’t be bothered replying, why would you when you’re 20 paces away from each other?  I walked in to the pub, guessed which one was him and introduced myself.  I’ve got to be honest, he did seem a little on the short side, but I think I may have lost perspective on how tall people are considering the heels I wear ... everyone looks short!   He was also wearing a weird kind of mac/coat type thing. Anyhow, he looked a bit on the rough side and hadn’t bothered shaving, but he definitely wasn’t ugly ... he had a good body too from what I could see (bonus!).

We sat down and from that moment forward he never shut up and it all went horribly wrong.  Firstly, he insisted on showing me, actually showing me on his phone all the women that have contacted him on the dating site.  He went in to each of their profiles and asked me what I thought!  OMG, I obviously knew right from that point that this evening wasn’t going anywhere, so I just played along.  He also couldn’t remember what my name was ... now that makes you feel good about yourself.  He kept calling me by the date site user name I have.  Oh dear.

After he’d shown me each of the 15 women’s profiles, he then moved on to tell me about all his previous girlfriends and why they split up.  Then he told me in detail about every one of the 8 dates he’s had in the last few week (we’ve been there half an hour by this point and he hasn’t asked me one thing about me, nor have I said more than a couple of sentences).  Then he went on to talk about cars and how much he loves cars (I tried to tell him about my lovely car, but he ignored me and carried on talking ... he ignored me! Humph) and started showing me on his mobile the second hand cars that he was thinking of buying.  Like I care!

He then started talking about each one of his friends and showed me pictures of them (pictures of them?!!!!) and told me all about different holidays he’s been on (again me having to endure the photos ... it was like having a boring Aunt show you her holiday pics ... you just don’t care!).  When I tried to interject and tell him something about my holidays, he completely ignored me and continued to talk over me hmmmmmm.  When he started to talk about wanting to go to Vegas, as I’ve been to quite a few times I started to tell him and again, he completely ignored me and talked over me.

Something happened then.  I got this really weird feeling in side ... I now know it to be anger (I don’t get angry very often so didn’t immediately recognise what feeling it was!). I thought, “What am I doing sitting here nearly an hour with a complete idiot?  How can I get out of this?” He then moved on to tell me what he was doing at the weekend and maybe I could go and watch a live band with him and get some food.

I looked him straight in the eye and said, “Don’t think so *I actually sniggered* ... this really isn’t working out for me.  I’m going home now” I stood up, put my coat on (he looked stunned) and I walked out.  He hurriedly stood up, put his jacket on and ran out after me.  I thanked him for my drink and walked off to my car.  I’ve never seen anyone look so shocked! 

So that’s another disastrous date!  I have another tomorrow night (I know, I know, I’m a glutton for punishment) fingers crossed that this guy isn’t a weirdo misfit type that I seem to be attracting!  I’ll obviously keep you informed.

Until next time lovelies, have a wonderful day and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

My Polly Pocket Date (Part 2)

So, following on from yesterday's post ....

When we got into the cinema, which was next door to the Pizza place, he already had his ticket and wanted popcorn, I had my cinema card and wanted ice cream so we went to different counters and bought our own.  When we met back up, he said, “Oh, you’ve got a coke?  I bought a big one for us to share”  “Ewwwwww” I thought, “He’s expecting me so share a coke with him and his spit” Then he said, “I got a big popcorn to share too” I thought, “Now he’s expecting me to share popcorn that will undoubtedly have his spit on from all the hand to mouth to popcorn action ... no thanks!”  Sharing stuff like that is fine with your friends or partner, but not with someone you don’t know and don’t fancy.

So we went into the cinema and sat down, him with his legs sprayed apart doing what’s known in body language terms as a ‘crotch shot’ (crotch display) – a man will use this display in an unconscious attempt to show a woman (or man) his virility ... it unconsciously says “Look at my large manly genital area” or words to that effect!  He was also leaning on me and with that, I move away as far as I could into the other side of my seat, I also crossed my legs as he was trying to touch mine with his (although they were barely long enough) and pointed them away from him as far as I could giving off a “don’t come near me” vibe.  Thank goodness there was no-one sitting next to me because I could have literally been sitting on their knee.

Then comes the eating of the popcorn.  If I thought the pizza eating was bad, it was nothing on this.  I hate the sound of people eating crunchy things too (I know, I have a bit of a problem!) and he was literally taking whole handfuls of popcorn and shovelling them into his mouth then crunching them with his mouth open.  Oh dear God! 

It obviously didn’t occur to him for quite a while that I wasn’t responding to his attempted to try and touch me, but about 20 minutes into the film, I noticed a distinct shift in his body language.  He was still doing the crotch shot, but crossed his arms which literally reads, “I’m here showing you how virile I am and I’m pissed at you because you’re not taking me on” ... I could almost hear his thoughts, his body language was literally screaming out at me, it was hysterical.  It was also coupled with frequently ‘humphs’, you know that sound someone makes when they’re seriously pissed off!

Well, the film “Taken 2” wasn’t that brilliant (I’ll review it tomorrow) and at the end of the film we left quite unceremoniously, him being under no illusions by this point that I absolutely not interested.  As we walked to our cars making polite conversation, he told me that he was off work this week and said he was taking his car to be lowered!  He was another little man with a Jeep (what’s with the little men and Jeeps?).  All I could think was that obviously he wasn’t big enough to get in and out of it and was having it lowered so it wasn’t such a struggle!

Oh dear ... another one bites the dust.  The only thing that kept me going through the film were the funny things that kept running through my head like, “I’ve got my own Polly Pocket” “Santa’s Little Helpers are out early this year” “I wonder how Snow White coped” ... I kept giggling to myself.

I’m going to give the dating a rest for a bit now.  I’ve exhausted (not literally!) all the half decent looking guys, so I’ll take a bit of a break so that I can re-group.  No doubt I’ll revisit it again sometime in the future and will obviously keep you informed!

Right, lovelies, enjoy your day and I’ll see you soon.  Be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

My Polly Pocket Date (Part 1)

 

Well, Sunday night I had another date and to be honest, it didn’t go well (no surprise there then). 

I did break some of my own rules it has to be said, because I had spoken to this guy more than I would usually do before I meet someone and I guess that lulled me into a false sense of security (not in any way that I was at risk though ... I just thought I’d better point that out).  Through our conversations, it was clear that we both had a love of films, so as I was decidedly bored at the weekend and really fancied getting out for a full evening I agreed to meet him for pizza and cinema. 

Now, a couple of things to point out here ... usually, I would only ever meet someone for a quick drink on a first date, that way you can get away quickly if you don’t like them.  Also having a meal with someone is quite personal and I’m really strict on good table manners and can’t bear to eat with someone who is a messy eater ... it’s slightly more bearable if I know the person, but I’m totally intolerant of poor eating habits in someone I don’t know ... it makes me cringe and I’m either transfixed watching them, or can’t bear to watch them at all and avoid eye contact/having to look at them at all costs.  Thirdly, I wouldn’t usually go to the cinema with someone on a first date because how are you going to get to know each other when you can’t talk?

Then there’s the last thing ... you have to sit quite close to someone in the cinema and if you discover you don’t fancy them (but they fancy you) you can spend the whole of the film squished into the corner of your seat trying to get as far away from them as you possibly can (within the confines of a cinema chair!).

So, back to the story ... I met him in Pizza Hut (not my favourite place but I didn’t want to make it into a big thing) at 7.00 pm.  As I was walking up to the reception area, there were two men there and I couldn’t see how it could be either of them.  One was sitting down and looked quite young and on the big side, the other was wearing baggy jeans, a sweatshirt and was tiny!  I strolled into reception and the tiny man said, “Hi!” (in a slightly Munchkin type voice) I looked down and with slight disappointment said, “Oh, you must be John?” “Yes, come on, I’ve been in and I know where we’re sitting.”  He then led me to our table.  I felt like Snow White on a play date. 

You know when you can feel everyone looking at you?  We must have looked quite a sight.  He said on his profile that he was 5’10” which isn’t too bad (I’m 5’6” and always wear at least 5” heels, so I can cope with 5’10”), however, if he was 5’5” I would have been impressed.  He literally came up to my navel.  We sat down and he was overly excited and was unbelievably hyper.  I decided not to say anything about the height thing, but that was enough to put me off.  I have nothing against short men, I just don’t fancy them ... it’s nothing personal, I’m just not attracted to them, but it’s more the fact that these guys lie.  What do they think is going to happen?  Do they think that you’re not going to notice that they’re 5” shorter than they specified on their profile?  After all, they’d have to wear some serious platforms to bring themselves anywhere near their stated height ... it’s just not something you can hide!

I thought, “Well, that serves you right Jx.  This is precisely why you don’t usually meet someone  on a first date for anything other than a quick drink – but you’re here now, so you’ll have to get on with it”  I guess I could have bolted, but really I just couldn’t do that.  So we ordered and then the fun began.  He was one of those that ‘chows down’.  What I mean by that is that he had no table manners, when his pizza came he leaned over with his shoulder hunched and his elbows on the table and literally didn’t come up for air until it was finished, he shovelled it in.  He also spoke with his mouth full, his hands and face were covered in sauce and grease and I just couldn’t watch ... it was like watching a car crash for me *shudder*.

How I got through that I don’t know, but luckily, it didn’t last that long, he then asked for the bill – which I’m happy to say he paid, although he did falter when I said, “Let me pay half” – I think I’ve I’d pushed it, he would have let me (that’s typical for the type of men in my town if I’m honest, and another reason why I try not to go out with someone that lives within a 10 mile radius).  However, (and I think this is a good indication of a person) he left a 70p tip!  OMG ... I’d rather leave nothing than 70p that’s so mean, so on the way out, I slipped the waitress £5 because I was so mortified.

Right lovelies, I need to leave it there for today ... I’ll post part 2 tomorrow.  Until then have a great day and be fabulous.

Lots of Love

Jx

XFactor Controversy - The Rylan Clark Debacle

Well lovelies, today I was going to tell you about my date last night (I’ll tell you about my date tomorrow, suffice to say that this guy was tiny and I felt like I was out with a Polly Pocket!) but my friend Tony thought I really should cover what’s going on in the UK’s XFactor at the moment.  Now, I know that over half of you, my lovely readers, aren’t from the UK so probably won’t be aware (or care) what’s going on in our XFactor, but it’s so bazaar that I don’t think the fact that it’s not happening in your country will make it any less amusing.

Firstly, let me just say that I’m not usually a fan of these types of shows, but for the very first time I watched Britain’s Got Talent this year (when a dog won!) and actually quite enjoyed it (not the dog winning ... the show in general).  So thought I’d watch XFactor and see if I could actually enjoy that.

Well, I can’t really comment on the talent from previous years, but I’ve got to say that not all of the talent that the judges have taken through to the live finals this year actually have any talent – which is a shame because there were some really good people at the auditions that apparently weren’t good enough to get through. Go figure.

Anyway, there is one in particularly that seems rather unfathomable, his name is Rylan Clark and I really cannot for the life of me figure out why Nicole Scherzinger (who’s is mentor) took him through to the live finals (well I can actually, it's all about the ratings).  Before I go on to his singing (if you can call it that) let me just mention his ‘look’ and more than that ... his overall ‘campness’ and lack of command of the English language. 

Now I have a number of gay friends and even they say that he takes campness to a whole different level.  He’s so over the top that he’s incredibly annoying and it really doesn’t help that he has an annoyed Essex accent that makes him sound doubly unintelligent.  In his first audition, he had dyed long blonde hair with a very ‘shaped’ black beard (very odd) and more facial fillers than a sandwich deli before the lunch time rush.  He's also one of those that seem to have a speech impedement in that he can't say 'th' so every word that has a 'th' is replaced with a v or f eg "I fink wiv vis programme I gotta take my singing more serious"  What?  So annoying.  For some unknown reason, he then got through the original auditions and through to Boot Camp (with a whole new look – I’ll get to that in a bit) and then incredibly through to Judges Houses – unbelievable – and that’s where I’ll pick up the story again. 

His new look ... I’m not sure how to describe it ... he’s had his hair cut and dyed jet black and his beard is even more tailored (he actually looks like a cartoon character ... The Mail Online likened him to Dastardly out of Dastardly and Muttley – I can’t say I disagree) but what got me the most what how ‘affected’ he was when he did his audition ... he had some weird sort of warped Kylie get up on with a hooded top, shorts and bare feet.  I can’t really put into words what I mean by ‘affected’ – it’s quite a common term where I live – I guess it means someone who thinks an awful lot about themselves without good reason.  Here’s his audition see what you think for yourself...
 

 

After this audition, Nicole picked him to go through  to the next stage and his response was off the scale and unbelievably odd.  I think the amount of fillers he has in his lips doesn't help with his ability to articulate either.  See what you think...

 

Who behaves like that?  WHO BEHAVES LIKE THAT!  I really don’t get it.  He should be ashamed of himself ... I had to turn over channels because I was cringing so much.  When I was looking for the clip to put in this post I actually couldn't watch it again.

So that brings us up to last night’s show.  As you know, I was out on my date but couldn’t fail not to see from my Facebook timeline when I got home that something had happened on the XFactor show that evening.  It turns out that this Rylan and another really good singer, Carolynne Poole ended up in a head to head at the end of the show.  Now, let me just point out that Carolynne, who is being mentored by Gary Barlow, can actually sing really well.

To summarise what happened, Louis Walsh had the final vote as to who stayed and who went.  He originally said Carolynne then back tracked and put it to the public vote and unfortunately, she didn't win.  It’s been alleged that he was told to do that by producers because they wanted Rylan to stay in because of all the publicity and controversy he generates (well afterall, the story has been on every morning show today and is splattered across all the papers ... and I'm talking about it here too!).  Gary Barlow then stood up and stormed off the stage and I really can’t blame him.  It was all very dramatic.

All in all, I know it’s only a game show but it seems such a shame that people with genuine talent are being over looked in order to gain ratings from this ‘joke’ contestant.  I really have to show you the audition of someone that was chucked out who has the most amazing voice.  This is the first audition of Joseph Whelan who was rejected at Boot Camp.
 

Unbeliveable!  How can you choose the joke act, Rylan over real talent.  It does put me off watching in future I have to say, when it looks like results are so obviously being manipulated (allegedly!).

Right lovelies, that’s me for today ... I’ll tell you about the date tomorrow.  Until then, have a lovely day and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

When Dating Emails Turn Nasty!

 

Well, I know I've posted a couple of negative things regarding my online dating over the last few days and I'm sorry to say, it's not really been getting that much better.  Here are some of the messages I've received in the last 2 days.

The first 3 are from the same guy...

1.   Evening howe r u I'm David very nice t meet u xxx

2.   Hi Howe. R u x

3.   Evening howe's u x

Blondes are so last year ... why have you done that to yourself? (He was no oil painting let me tell ya!)

U look like u love yourself  its ugly (and so was he ... very ugly)

No wonder ur still on here (yeah cos it’s full of knobs like you!)

Now then! X (Now what?)

Hiya if u fancy a chat maybe more txt me on 07***15**** ('maybe more'!!!!  He was fat, short and bald ... and lived in Salford – if you’ve never heard of Salford, think ‘Brooklyn’ ... you sometimes have to pass through but you just don’t stop!)

what do you think of my new dog, called him baxter but like the name branston after branston pickle, lol (this guy attached a picture of his new Labrador puppy to the mail ... I find that slightly creepy a bit like “Come here little girl and see my puppies” *shudder* surely you shouldn’t have to use cute puppies to get a woman?!  Or am I getting way too cynical?  I’ve got to be honest, I am getting better because at least I didn’t send him a message saying all that ... at one time I would have done! Lol)

Will you wait for me?  I have to go to the toilet to pooh because I have a turtle head that's sticking to my underpants.  See you in a bit. (I have no words ...)


I’m a bit speechless after this little lot if I'm honest.  I’ve also had another guy who I originally replied to his first mail and then he got a bit weird.  He subsequently sent me another 4 mails and for some daft reason I sent him a message saying, “Sorry, I don’t know why I replied to you initially because you don’t have a public profile picture” ... if they don’t have a public picture, no matter what excuse they give for not having one I don’t reply and I’ve had them all: I’m a Private Eye and need to stay incognito; I work for the MOD and have signed the secrecy act and can’t use social networking sites; I’m a top surgeon and it wouldn’t be ethical; I’m a very senior figure in the police and it wouldn’t look good Bla Bla Bla ... all a total load of pooh.  What they really mean is, “I’m married/in a relationship and don’t want my partner to find out”

He replied saying that he did have one when he originally contacted me (I don’t remember but I guess it could be true because as I say I don’t reply if there’s no picture) and said that he’d taken it off when he met me because he didn’t think it was right that he kept his profile picture on there while he was corresponding with me!  Now that’s just plain weird.  Why would you take your picture off a dating website because one woman had sent you one email?  Hmmmmmmm doesn’t add up so I sent him a mail saying, “Oh!  I really don’t know what to say to that”, he replied, “Sorry would be a start”  Sorry ... He wanted me to apologise OMG!  My reply, “Dream on” BLOCK/DELETE/NEXT!

Honestly ... it really seems to be getting worse.  The good thing is that when I have a break from dating sites I forget all this nasty side (I have a dreadful memory and sometimes it works in my favour!) and that break is looming large.

Right lovelies, enjoy your Sunday ... I’ve got my lovely dad coming round, then gym and a date tonight.  Will keep you informed, until then, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Sinister Film Review

Well, after my nightmare couple of days (just about everything seems to have gone terribly pear shaped lately, but hey ho, I’m sure they’ll sort themselves out soon) I thought that going to the cinema to see Sinister would help.  However, I really can’t say it was very good.  I don’t know whether it was the mood I was in ... I did feel a bit distracted to be honest, but I found that there really wasn’t anything that I wasn’t expecting from seeing the trailer.

In fact, it was one of those films where they put ALL of the good bits in the trailer, so if you’ve seen that, there are very few surprises left.  As I say, it could have just been the mood I was in, but I really didn’t think it was up to much.

So, the story ... a true crime novelist discovers a box of disturbing home movies that plunge his family into a nightmarish experience of supernatural horror (I can’t take credit for that, I pinched it off Flixster) ... but basically, this crime author moves his family into a house in the full knowledge that there has been a massacre there (but he neglects to tell his wife).  He then finds this box of films in the attic and as he starts to watch them, weird things start to happen in the house.  He then starts to delve into the horrors that took place in the house and other associated serial killings.

Here’s the trailer again ... if you haven’t seen it and you’re planning on seeing the film, don’t watch the trailer as you’ll find the film more enjoyable that way.

One trailer I did see that I’m really looking forward to is Silent Hill.  The first one is one of my favs and I’ve watched it loads of times and no matter how much as I watch it, it still freaks me out, and so a sequel will be amazing.  The trailer doesn’t disappoint either, it looks every bit as good as the first ... if you haven’t seen the first and you’re a psychological horror fan, then it’s a must see.  Here’s the trailer for the new one that’s due out in time for Halloween (Oh, by the way, it's quite a scary trailer so if you're a bit delicate, you may wish to give this one a miss!)...

On the dating front, I do have another date tomorrow so will keep you informed!  Enjoy the rest of your weekend lovelies and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

These Guys Keep Getting Worse!

 

Well guys, you know I try to keep as upbeat and as optimistic as is humanly possible, however, today I’ve seriously had enough.  The last couple of days have been a nightmare and there doesn’t seem to be much light at the end of the tunnel at the mo ... the idiot who turned up seriously late and then trashed me and the guy in the following story are just the icing on the cake ... Serious amounts of vodka anyone? (You know it’s bad when I go for the voddy and not bubbles!!!)....

 

Oh you’re gonna love this ... I don’t know if you remember a guy I was ‘talking’ to during a previous online dating experience, he was the one that sent me about 50 texts in one day and completely freaked me out?  (Here’s the link to the story in case you want a reminder)  Well, I got a mail from him today on this new dating site ... he obviously didn't recongise me, but I recognised him. 

 

It was actually a really lovely mail, well constructed with some thought put into it and actually I did consider sending him a nice reply saying something like, “We’ve spoken before but you bombarded me with texts then got pissed off when I stopped replying” or words along those lines.  When I logged on to send said message I got this from him...

“I can’t believe women like you.  I send you a perfectly nice mail and I saw that you looked at my profile and you just can’t be bothered to respond.  Who the hell do you think you are?  You’re so up yourself ... you’ll never find anyone you stuck up frigid mess up.  Women like you are disgusting”!

Hmmmmm so, not only am I ‘despicable’ as described by the guy yesterday (amongst other things) I’m now a “frigid mess up!” and "disgusting" I think he would have swore but I think those words don’t get through the site’s firewalls!

This second mail was only half an hour after he sent the original mail by the way, so he wasn't giving me much time to reply (usually it takes me up to a week to respond!)  Anyway, I’ve blocked and reported him.  Ooooosh ... and breathe!  This my lovelies, is just another reason to give it a break for a while!

Right I’m off to watch ‘Sinister’ now ... a good horror can’t be any scarier than some of the blokes I’ve been coming into contact with recently.  Enjoy the rest of your Fridays and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx