Mr Caribbean...

 

Well here we are again, just as I promised.  Today’s little tale is about Mr Caribbean, oh this is a corker you’ll love this one...

I was contacted by this rather gorgeous, exotic (exotic to me is anyone who’s not Caucasian!) looking male. I had a quick shufty at his profile and he looked rather lovely (plus his mum lives in Barbados, so being rather mercenary, I did think of the free Caribbean holibobs!) so I mailed him back and he mailed me and I mailed him and he mailed me … anyway, you get the idea.  This went on way longer than I would usually tolerate (I have a view that if they haven’t asked for my number within 5 email exchanges, then they are never likely to … actually, it’s not just a view, it’s been tried and tested on a number of occasions). 

This went far over the 5 exchanges … more like 20 and then it dawned on me … I’d been here before with this guy, so mailed him and said, “Sorry, I’ve just realised that we’ve been here before” his reply was a bit odd, “What prey tell are you referring to?”  I told him that we’d emailed loads before and I’d given up because I surmised that he wasn’t going to call and was a bit of a time waster.  That should have been Alarm Bell No 1.

He came back almost immediately and said that he wasn’t a time waster and could he have my number and could he take me out on the Friday night (this was on the Tuesday).  Well, I couldn’t say no (well I guess I could have, but I didn’t) so we swapped numbers and that’s where alarm bell No 2 should have kicked in … he sent me 5 pictures of himself, clearly taken by himself in various rooms in his house (not a very nice house) wearing different tops and headgear … go figure!).  I don’t get why guys do that.  Why would you send a picture of yourself, or rather why would you send pictureS of yourself (plural) without being asked for them?  It smacks of either narcissism … a bit of “Look at me, aren’t I gorgeous and aren’t you lucky girl – here’s some fabulous pictures of me that you can download to your desktop or keep on your phone, you could even print them up and put them around your house so that you can drool over me all day long”)  No … Just no!  You DO NOT send pictures unless you’re asked for them.  Also there’s the fact that they send the same pictures as you’ve already seen on the website  If I was so desperate to carry around their picture, which I never am, I could download it from the website.  OOoooohhhhhhhh I have such an issue with this that I’m getting wound up about it while I’m typing.

Anyway, I digressed a bit there sorry about that, I’ll move on.  So I got over the ‘picture’ thing and  we agreed to meet in a little country pub not too far from where we both lived (we live in different towns but only about 5 miles from each other).  Over the next few days, we exchanged perfectly nice texts about the weather, what we were up to that day … just general chit chat.  Then on the Thursday, I get a text to say could he change the venue to a Vodka bar in HIS home town.  Now, this should have sent Alarm Bell No 3 ringing on 4 counts:

1. Why should I have travel to him?  He certainly wasn’t making it easy for me. 
2. He would have been able to drink and I would have had to drive.
3. Why would you want to have a first date in a rowdy bar in a ‘fighting’ town (neither of our towns are that prestigious!) full of kids on a Friday night?
4. He’s 50 for God’s sake!  (Quite a bit older than what I’d usually go for … that should have been alarm bell all on its own!)

So, I just sent a polite response saying that I’d rather we stick to our original plans, which he seemed fine about.  (Oh and while I’m at it, what is it about everyone wanting to use Viber and Whatsapp now … it’s fine for use with your friends but with a potential date?  All I can put it down to is that these guys are too cheap to pay for texts … or am I showing my age?  Don’t answer that!)

Then I got the howler … “What do you look for in a man?” (I really hate those type of questions with a passion, they really make me squirm – if you really must ask me things like that  do it face to face or call me, better still, don’t ask me those types of questions at all!  And while I’m at it, don’t try and get to know me through texts!  Phew, another rant!).  So gave a really non-committal reply and asked him what he looked for in a woman … I didn’t actually really care by this point, but thought I should be polite.  Well, what I received back I can only describe as pornographic!  I nearly fell off my chair, it was so rude that I couldn’t even read it out loud to one of my friends – I just shoved the phone into her hand with a horrified look on my face.   She read it and actually turned red!

She said, “You’re not going to see him now are you?  That’s disgusting, I’m cringing and feel dirty just reading it” I said, “What do you think?” We agreed that I should reply telling him that I thought his text was inappropriate, especially to send a text like that to someone you don’t know or haven’t even met (in fact, I think I’d still be shocked if I got that text from someone I’d been in a full blown relationship with … honestly, it was a shocker!).  How can you go from talking about the weather in one text!  He replied saying sorry but that that he was only answering my question.  I didn’t reply.  Neither did I reply to the slew of texts I got from him over the next 24 hours.  Finally I thought I should put him out of his misery and wrote, “Look, you’re not the man for me, move on” … DELETE … NEXT.  Luckily, I haven’t heard from him again!

Phew, told you it was a goody and there’s still plenty where that came from.  Right lovelies, people to see, gyms to do.  Until next time (probably tomorrow whilst I’m on a roll!) be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

I'm Back with More On-line Dating Escapades!

 

Hi lovelies, it’s been a while and all I can do is apologise.  I don’t really have much of an excuse other than I’ve been unbelievably busy with clients, clients more clients, the cinema and the gym (yes … you read that correctly – I’ve been going on a fairly consistent basis to the gym – not that I’ve actually been sweating you understand, that would just never do but I have to admit that I’m feeling better and have lost a few lbs. in to the bargain!  I'm one of those lucky suckers who never gets very hot, so even exercising in this heat hasn't stopped me ... nor has it made me sweat ... people tell me I'm lucky, but you do not want to be around me when it's cold ... brrrrrrrrrr! *angry/sad face*).

So, what have I got to tell you?  Well I’ve thought long and hard about whether I should continue to write about my dating exploits which I have debated long and hard with my friends (Sharon, Joanne and Michelle).  I have to be honest that I was thinking that maybe I was starting to look a bit sad and desperate because I seem to be constantly dipping in and out of on-line dating and not finding anyone even half decent (one bloke on the dating site I’ve been back on actually said, “What’s wrong with you that you’re still here?” My answer, “Because this place is full of knobs like you!”).

However, my erstwhile friends have persuaded to put pen to paper again, by saying that "it’s just not fair of me not to share because your tales are the funniest things we get to read!” … thanks guys, it’s nice to know that my love life, or lack thereof, is keeping you amused!  So really through nothing more than wanting to bring a smile to my friends’ faces, I’ve decided to take the giant leap and fill you in on what’s been happening.  First things first though …

The Disclaimer

OK, I feel the need to have to say this every time I start a new discussion regarding on-line dating, because there’s always some smart ass (usually a man ... sorry if I seem sexist, but that's the truth!) trying to tell me where I’m going wrong or what I should be doing or saying, or generally giving me the benefit of their wisdom (I know, I know, there’s a fundamental difference between men and women in this respect – women love the gossip and generally just tell each other what’s going on and men want to fix things … Guys, I don’t need fixing, I appreciate your concern though!).  So before I start, here’s the full on disclaimer:

THIS IS A BIT OF FUN AND WHILST EVERY TALE IS TRUE (never embellished, honest) I DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU, NOR DO I SHARE WITH YOU ANYTHING THAT I WOULD CONSIDER PRIVATE OR PERSONAL.  WHAT I SHARE IS A TINY PART OF MY LIFE AND I ONLY DO IT FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT … OH WHILE I'M AT IT, THIS SITUATION (ie dating) DOES NOT REQUIRE ANY SORT OF ‘FIXING’ AND NEITHER DO I!  READ IT FOR WHAT IT'S INTENDED TO BE … A GIGGLE!

Right … can I move on now?  Has that well and truly sunk in?  Good J

OK well, I don’t really know where to start there’s been so much and my memory is particularly lousy (which was the whole point of me starting this blog in the first place … so that I could remember what I’d been up to!).  Let’s start with Mr Vertically Challenged…

Mr Vertically Challenged (Mr VM for short ... did you like what I did there huh, huh?) I've called him this  because I really do like tall men … sorry if that offends anyone, but some people like skinny, some fat, some muscly, some not so muscly, some tall, some short … you like what you like and I like tall … we’re not talking freaky giant here, we’re merely talking over 5’10”.  I have this limit not only because I like taller men but because anything under that and they tend to lie about their height for example, 5’8” is rarely 5’8” it’s more likely to be 5’6” (remember my friend Nicky who ended up with ‘Santa’s Little Helper’ on her doorstep?).  Men 5’10” and over don’t need to lie those under, do … that’s mine and about a dozen other women’s experience anyway!

So Mr VC I thought was passable because he was chunky, we’re talking VERY muscly here, which can sometimes make up for height (only sometimes) so I decided after a few emails to swap numbers.  Almost immediately I got one reasonably nice text from him then within seconds I get another with a picture attached… a picture of his car (which was a very nice cabriolet) with the caption, “I may let you have a ride in my car if you’re lucky and if you’re REALLY lucky I may let you drive it” my reply, “You’re alright love, I’ve already got one” It was the exact same car as mine!!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, my/our car is very lovely and I guess would be classed in the ‘executive’ range, but if you’re going to go bragging about your car, at least make sure that who you’re bragging to doesn’t have the same one!!  Blimey, it wasn’t like he had a Bentley Sport or a Ferarri!

So, I’m sorry to say, that put me right off him and actually made me think, “Little man making up for it with big car and trying to show off” (although what the car says about me, I hate to hazard a guess!) I also thought it was a bit patronising … “Look at me with my lovely car … I bet you can’t afford one of these little girly” … Wrong … NEXT! (Oh how I’ve missed saying that!)

I think I had one of those types before … he was 5’9” (so his profile said, he was actually 5'7") and drove a Jeep (Jeep Man!) remember? Ah well, plenty more fish and all that.  I’ve got tonnes more to tell you but you can have too much of a good thing in one day you know!

More tomorrow lovelies, until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

 

Hot Yoga at The Yoga Lounge

 

 

Well lovelies, I wouldn’t be a good friend to my friend Nisha if I didn’t tell you about her new venture.  Nisha and her business partner Jane have just opened an amazing Hot Yoga and Pilates Studio in Manchester (UK).  I’ve never done hot yoga before, although I’ve done yoga (unknowingly for about 15 years or so I did yoga when I was dancing - yoga moves are used for ballet/dance warm up) and I started proper yoga classes about 10 years ago and I’ve been practising ever since.  So was actually quite excited when the girls finally the studio a couple of weeks ago and invited me to my first HOT yoga class.
 

Nisha is my oldest friend; we used to play together when we were children.  As you may guess from her name she is of Indian heritage (her father is Indian, her mother English) and has practised yoga since being a child.  She’s actually my inspiration.  She is THE hardest working, driven person I know and she is a brilliant role model.  She has trained all over the world and is continually striving to learn more in order to pass the benefits on to her clients.   She first opened a Pilates studio a number of years ago in our local town and has also been teaching yoga all over the North West (including training some of the country’s hottest football and rugby stars – including Everton) ever since.
 

So now you have the background, let me tell you a bit about my first hot yoga experience.  I rocked up at the studio on Deansgate, not really knowing what to expect.   After being asked to take my shoes off (no shoes are allowed past reception) I left my valuables in a little locker and proceeded to the changes rooms … did a quick change, walked along the corridor and into the ‘hot’ studio.  Now, I know it is a ‘hot’ yoga studio, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for quite how hot it was going to be … when I walked in, I promptly turned round and walked back out, deciding to wait outside until the class began (I wondered why there were so many people standing outside when I walked past ... Duh).
 

Our instructor was Suzie (and what a lovely person and great instructor!)  I had a really good chat with her after and asked tonnes of questions; she explained all about the benefits and how to get the best out of the classes.  Well, I can honestly say that I’ve never sweated so much in my entire life (which is a good thing!) and after about 10 minutes, I could really feel my muscles opening up.  I have to admit that it was really hard, but good hard.  The yoga moves weren’t too much and would have been easy to follow if you haven’t done yoga before, but equally as powerful for the more advanced … it was the hotness of the studio made a massive difference to my practise.
 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish the class and had to come out after about 50 minutes because I was just too hot, but apparently that’s quite normal for your first time – Suzie said that it can take a while for you to adjust to the heat and it’s quite alright to step outside if you feel you have to (although she did show me a great recovery position to try which opens up your lungs and helps you to breath more openly).  However, all things considered, I have to say that I LOVED IT and I’ve already been back and managed the full hour.  What was most surprising was that for the next couple of days after each class, my skin has been amazing.  Apparently that’s another bonus from the hotness of it all.  All that sweating gets rid of the toxins.
 

Before I went I was slightly worried about being in a room with so many sweaty people and the potential for germ transference, however, the heating system they have at the Yoga Studio is unique to the UK … it heats surfaces rather than the air and the carbon dioxide is sucked out and fresh air pumped in, massively reducing the chance of any contamination … brilliant and totally safe!

 
 

Hot and Sweaty at The Yoga Lounge, Manchester

 

All in all, it was a fantastic experience and one I can’t wait to try again.  If you haven’t tried yoga, especially hot yoga before, I strongly suggest that you give it a go.  It strengthens and elongates your muscles and makes you much more subtle … If premier footballers think it has fantastic benefits, who am I to argue!

 

 

In case you’re interested, here are the studio’s details:
 

http://theyogalounge.co.uk/
 

Until next time lovelies … be fabulous!
 

Lots of love
 

Jx

 

Evil Dead

 

This is another quick post ... I’d love to be telling you how exciting my weekend has been, but it’s not!  Yesterday, I had a lovely lunch/catch up with my cousin Phil (he’s like my big bro and I love catching up with him), I then went to the cinema to see Evil Dead.... hmmmmm.... and today, I’ve been to a rather boring seminar.  So not really the most exciting of weekends!

So let’s get right to it ... Evil Dead *** (3 Stars)

I must have seen the first one ... I must have, but I can’t recall it.  I didn’t really know what to expect from this version other than what I’d seen in the trailers and I’ve got to admit, this version wasn’t great.  It was unbelievably predictable.  It was very akin to Cabin in the Woods only that was done with a few more twists and a bit of panache.  This to me was totally clichéd and your basic slasher, blood and gore, teenage on the rampage type film.  No surprises, lots of blood and only one (minor) twist.

The story (as if you can’t guess) a group of kids end up at a disused cabin in order to aid one of them on a major cold turkey detox.  They smell something funny in the cabin, go into the cellar and find lots of dead animals hanging from the ceiling an ancient book encased in a plastic bag and covered with barbed wire.  The smart arse kid (there’s always one) decides to read the book and translate some of the words (big mistake ... massive!) and unleashes an ancient evil with devastating effects.

That’s it in a nutshell.  If you really like teenage slasher type movies (think Hostel etc), which I really don’t like and usually avoid at all costs, you’ll love this.  There’s nothing clever about it, there’s no real psychological edge to it, it’s just out and out gore ... and not that well done either.  Hey ho ... here’s the trailer, although it's not gory, if you get scared easily you may wish to give this a miss :-)

   

Right lovelies, that’s me for another day.  Speak soon, until then, be fabulous!

 

Lots of love

Jx

Oblivion

 
I almost forgot to do this review!  I saw Oblivion at the weekend.  That’s Tom Cruise’s new film and to be honest, as I’m not a huge fan of the pint sized, alien loving scientologist, I really wasn’t that fussed about it.  Obviously I’d seen him plugging it all over the place, but to be honest, I wasn’t really that impressed with all that jazz ... when there’s that much fuss over a film, it tends to make me think it’s going to be rubbish (because they usually are when they’re so hyped).  However, I’m happy to announce that it was marvellous.  It was a joy to behold and I loved it!

Tom plays a drone repair man – one of the last remaining human’s on Earth.  During a battle with aliens, our moon was exploded sending Earth into chaos.  The majority of humans have been shipped off the planet and Tom is left to make sure that the extraction of Earth’s resources goes without a hitch.  However, when a spaceship crash lands a chain of events is triggered which forces Tom to question everything he knows and puts the fate of humanity in his hands.

There were so many twists and turns that I absolutely didn’t see coming - it was quite spellbinding!  Give it a go ... you won’t be disappointed.  Here’s the trailer...
 

 

Well that was just a quickie lovelies ... more soon, until then, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Dark Skies and Bloody Steak!

 

 

Well I had a lovely lunch with my dad yesterday and actually had my 4^th ever steak - I’m a converted red meat eater – I’ve never eaten steak before, but as I’ve just found out that the reason for my recent lethargy was due to burgeoning anaemia, I’ve broken the habit of a lifetime and found that I absolutely love it ... the bloodier the better, “Just walk the cow past the kitchen” type bloody!  Weird.  If you’d have said I’d be craving virtually raw steak 2 months ago, I’d have said you were certified bonkers!  Funny how your body really does crave the stuff you need ... not sure where wine comes in to that equation, but hey ho.

After lunch, I decided to have a little trip to the cinema and the only film I haven’t seen which I actually fancied was, Dark Skies and I loved it!

Dark Skies **** (4 Stars)

I’ve got to be honest, the reviews weren’t brilliant for this film but I’ve never been one for listening to others’ film reviews – they’re usually written by people so far removed from me and the type of person that I am, that their view point is of no use to me.  Also the Director, Scott Stewart, has directed some of my favourite films including Priest and Legion, so it couldn’t be all that bad!

The story ... a husband and wife witness an escalating serious of disturbing events involving their family.  When it becomes clear that they are being targeted by an unimaginably terrifying and deadly force, the couple take matters into their own hands.

I’ve got to be honest, although it wasn’t the best film I’ve ever seen (the father character was a bit whimpy and annoying), it did keep you hooked all the way through and at one point, I literally jumped out of my skin, as did half the people in the cinema judging from the sounds everyone made!  Brilliant!  That doesn’t happen very often.   They cleverly lulled you into a false sense of security then BOOM!  Go and see it ... you’ll enjoy it.  Here’s the trailer:

 

Right lovelies, have a wonderful week and be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

The Worst Film Ever - The Host

 

Well this is a really quick post, but I thought it would be a bit of a public service offering. 

 

I went to see The Host yesterday and it would be extremely remiss of me if I didn’t do a post to warn you:

DO NOT SEE THIS FILM!

It was without a doubt the worst film that I’ve EVER seen (and that’s a lot of films).  It was glib, boring and cringe worthy beyond anything I’ve ever seen in my life.

I’m not going to bore you with the story, suffice to say that it was about aliens taking over the bodies of humans ... one human gets infected by an alien but doesn’t die, we then have to listen to the most appallingly cringe worthy running commentary from the human about what the alien is doing throughout the film.  It was THE most tedious film and so cheesy I had to hold down the vomit.  Yes, it was that bad.  I thought the book was bad (I abandoned it after the first chapter) but nothing could prepare you for this load of rubbish.

This is the first time ever, but NO STARS for this one.  I’m not even going to add the trailer in case you think it looks quite good and decide to waste your money on it!  There are so many better other films out right now, Trance and Side Effects to name but two that completely blow this one out of the water (no that it would be hard).

Right, now I’ve had my little rant and hopefully saved some of you from wasting your hard earned dosh, I’m off to eat Easter Egg!  Enjoy you week lovelies and be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx