Mr Caterer

This one is quite disappointing actually – I really thought this one looked rather promising, well he looked good on paper at least and I liked him as much as you can when you haven’t met or even actually spoken to someone!

Mr Caterer had his own business (yes, you guessed it, a catering one), he was tall and reasonably good looking (that’s 3 boxes ticked straight away).  After the usual few emails we swapped numbers and started to text – this was around the last Bank Holiday weekend.  He asked me when I was free as he didn’t want to wait a long time to meet up.  I told him that I was available Sunday and Monday, but then it would be the next weekend as I was working away.  He said that he would see what he could do – I felt so special!  

Then he started to send me pictures … now this is novel, unlike the other self-obsessed numpties, he sent me pictures of his food creations and I have to be honest, if they tasted as good as they looked, then he was a keeper!  They were stunning … the deserts were those very delicate ones peppered with real flowers.  Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

Well we continued to text over the weekend and he didn’t get back to me about Monday evening, however, late Monday he sent me a picture of an empty plate telling me that he’d just been for a very enjoyable curry!  So clearly the curry was more important than meeting me and I have to be honest, I was a little put out that he didn’t want to meet but thought he must have his reasons (ie he was probably on a date with someone else!).

As I said earlier, I was away from the Tuesday to the Friday and I got quite a few texts from him on the Tuesday, a few less on the Wednesday, even less on the Thursday and on the Friday they had diminished to a mere ‘x’.  An ‘x’ – what are you supposed to reply to that?  I don’t think you could actually put less effort in, apart from not texting at all.  So at that point, I decided to give up.  It was Friday, he hadn’t asked me out for the weekend, although he knew I would be home and if he couldn’t be bothered to speak to me during the week and had reduced his texts to the barest minimum, then I was wasting my time.  Over the weekend, I got a couple more ‘x’, then a ‘where are you?’, then a ‘aren’t you talking’ (obviously not!) but I didn’t bother responding.

A couple of weeks later, I got an email from him through the website saying, “What happened?  Why did you stop texting me” I couldn’t resist replying as I was a bit disgruntled, saying, “Because I was wasting my time, you didn’t bother to call me or to ask me out and therefore, I have to think you just want a text pal and I’ve got plenty of those thanks.”  He replied, “I thought you were busy” … Thought I was busy!  He couldn’t be bothered more like and was just keeping me warm in case his other dates didn’t work out (they must think you’re stupid!) and he added, “Can I call you?”  Well as I was away on my own on business feeling particularly bored, I told him that he could.  And what do you think happened?  ... He didn’t call!  What is the matter with these people?!

 A couple of weeks after that I got another email from him saying, “I’m just coming to the end of a particularly busy period, can we start again?” I do have to point out here that over this period, whenever I logged on to the website, which to be fair wasn’t that often, he was always online – so he couldn’t have been THAT busy … not with work anyway.  I didn’t even bother replying, DELETE … NEXT!

I think I should point out here that all the stories I’ve been telling you about have been going on since Christmas, they haven’t just happened over the course of a month and I have met some nice people, interesting people, however, we just haven’t been right for each other for various reasons – however, those don’t make interesting reading!

Right lovelies, that’s me for another session!  Until next time, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Mr Stalker

Well, I guess it was inevitable – you go on a dating site for long enough and you’re going to get a stalker.  With mine, I can’t really remember what it was about him precisely that gave me the heeby geebies with him, but something rattled my cage.  This is the story…

This rather reasonable looking guy sent me a message, I looked at his profile and while he didn’t have the best job in the world, from his pictures, he looked reasonably good looking (which is a bonus – so many men in their 40s really do not look after themselves and many who do, tend to love themselves with pictures of them half naked and wouldn’t consider going out with a women in her 40’s – one man actually wrote, “Although I’m 44 I look and act much younger and therefore would never consider going out with a woman around the same age because I don’t want people thinking that I’m out with my mum”!!! Bloody cheek … and let me tell you, he wasn’t all that!)

So I mailed this guy back and long story short, we swapped numbers … next came the onslaught of pictures of himself (I’ve already talked about my hatred of men sending me unsolicited pictures of themselves … especially as they were identical to those on the dating site).  So that put me off right away however, he did ask me out on a date which I agreed to – this was the Thursday and our date was to be the Sunday.

Over the next couple of days, I started to get a really bad feeling about him and if I’ve learned anything over the years it’s to listen carefully to my gut feelings about people.  The only time I’ve ever gone really wrong in my life is when I’ve had a bad gut feeling about something but let my head rule and overridden it.  I don’t know what it was about this guy, it’s not that he really said or did anything to upset me, I just got such mega strong vibes that I decided not to progress and stopped texting him back by the Saturday.

That’s when he started to send me weirdy emails saying things like “Why have you dumped me?” “I demand to know what I’ve done” “How dare you do this to me?”

Do what?  I hadn’t done anything.  I didn’t know him from Adam and hadn’t even spoken to him.  The Sunday he sent me a barrage of them, which I decided the best way to deal with them was to ignore them.

The following week, I kept getting more odd texts from him saying things like, “Hi, how’s your day” and “What are you up to today?” – Now given that I didn’t respond to any, don’t you think that’s a bit weird?  That week I got a couple of emails from him through the site too saying, “Why have you dumped me? Lol” Again, I didn’t reply because this has sort of happened before and I find if you totally ignore them, then they leave you alone.

A couple of weeks later, I got an email from a guy calling himself The Tall One which just said, “Hello little one, how are you?”  I looked at this guy’s profile and he sounded quite nice (although he didn’t have a picture) so I mailed him and said, “Sorry, I don’t correspond with people without pictures for obvious reasons”  He sent one back with his telephone number saying, “Here’s my number, text me and I’ll send you a picture”

I didn’t do anything with it, but I did think it a bit odd that he didn’t just attach a picture to his email (there is a facility for that).  A couple of hours later, however, I got another text from Mr Stalker saying, “Hey, how’s things” and I don’t know what made me link the two together, but I decided to check his number against the number of the ‘Incognito Man’ … and you’ll never guess what?  They were one and the same!  I immediately emailed Mr Incognito and said, “I don’t know what you’re game is but BACK OFF!” I then reported him to the site administrator, blocked him and deleted his emails. 

I thought that was the end of it, but yesterday, I received another email through the website from Mr Stalker … wow, these guys really don’t know when to give up … saying, “Hiya, what’ve you been up to” … DELETE, BLOCK, NEXT!

I don’t doubt that I’ll hear from him again, he’s clearly a bit obsessed – weird that someone can get a fixation about a person that they’ve never even met or even spoken to.  It’s also weird that I had such bad vibes about him.  What would have happened if I’d actually met him and didn’t like him?  The mind boggles!  Ah well, it all adds to life’s rich tapestry (or so someone told me at the weekend!). 

More dodgy dealings next time ... there’s still loads to tell you about!  Until then, my lovelies, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Mr Deep South

Right, back to the dating.

Now this was an interesting one…  Mr Deep South (all will be revealed later about the name) looked reasonably OK, although he only had one picture on the website and he was wearing sunglasses pulled down slightly and I have to say that he looked like he had a bit of a gammy eye – but on the whole, not unattractive or so I thought (as much as you can tell from a headshot).

He had his own business, he met the height stipulation, he hadn’t put anything in his profile or emails which could be classed as being obnoxious and he didn’t use text speak or call me ‘hun’ (Grrrrrrrrrrrr I hate that – always reminds me of Attila) … so he was actually off to a flying start!

We did the usual exchange of emails, before swapping numbers.  We had one quick phone call on a Sunday night and agreed to talk again the next evening – I was working away during the week, so would have plenty of time to speak in the evenings and it would be a welcome distraction from my dreary ‘Premier Inn’ *shudder*.

Our first conversation was for about 1.5 hours … I know, I know, that goes against the rules (ie you should keep those first conversations short otherwise what would you have to talk about when you actually come face to face) and I have to be honest, I didn’t really know what to think.  I do know that he monopolised the conversation and I knew so much about him at the end than he did about me … in fact, I can’t recall him asking anything about me … that seems to be another theme!!!  I’ve got to be honest, it did irk me a bit, but I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt … I never bloody learn do I?

The next night, we had another reasonably long conversation – however, I really did notice that it was all about him again – I definitely wasn’t mistaken and I’ve got to be honest, I was getting really bored.  However, being a glutton for punishment, I did agree to talk to him again the next night … In retrospect, I think it was out of boredom of being stuck in a boring hotel room rather than out of a want to actually speak to him, but when the time came, I texted him and told him I’d had to have dinner with colleagues and I wouldn’t be free until later … cut a long story short, I ended up speaking to him for 10 minutes and yes, you guessed it, it was all about him again.

Looking back, I’m actually quite glad I’d spoken to him so much because otherwise, I may not have picked up on his arrogance!  He actually told me he was arrogant (no shit Sherlock) and how successful he was, how wonderful he was and what a great catch he was bla bla bla … ‘whatever’ … then he told me his full name and told me to Google him (so that I could see how successful and wonderful he is … idiot).  That was actually his biggest mistake … 

The minute we got off the phone (me feigning tiredness) I of course Googled him … pictures first.  I could only find two pictures and believe me I looked!  One was the one that was on the dating site, the one with the gammy eye and another … OMG talk about fat!!!!!  We’re not talking a couple of lbs. here, we are talking seriously, full on, chub lardy fat.  He said he was 48 on his profile, I showed the picture to my dad who blurted out “58 if a day!  Dear God love, you can do better than that!”  (Awwww you’ve gotta love Dads).

Now this is the guy who on his profile said he was a Buddhist (he isn’t, he has just done the odd Buddhist meditation class and that does not make you a Buddhist - although he does have a Buddha Belly), he said he does yoga (not with that belly he doesn’t), that he really looks after himself and is at the peak of his fitness (deluded).

Now you could say that I’m being massively shallow, but I take good care of myself and I don’t want to go out with a slob or a liar or someone who has to big themselves up, so that was just icing on the cake for me.  I also thought it was odd that I searched the Tinternet and could only find those 2 pictures – there was nothing else at all!

During that the next day I was driving home and got a surprise call from him … I had a quick chat with him and told him I’d call him that evening, but I really didn’t want to.  When I got home I texted him and said that I was busy and going to my friends.  He said, “Call me when you get in.  It doesn’t matter what time”

I waited til about 10.30 and texted him saying that I was pooped and I’d speak to him the next day.  You know you’re not interested in someone when you’re making up excuses not to contact them.  It’s not rocket science.  He must have been pissed off with me because he didn’t text me at all the next day.  However, the Saturday, I got about 10 messages from him.  Finally I replied saying that he’s not the man for me … just that … nothing else.  He replied, “OK”.

For a couple of weeks after that, I didn’t bother with the dating site, I was too busy, but when I did finally go back on there he obviously saw me and sent me a message saying, “Still on here?  You shouldn’t have binned me off, lol”

‘Lol’ … I’ve found that men put that when they’re actually quite pissed off with you but don’t want what they’ve written to sound like they are!  I knew what he’d been thinking, because he is so arrogant, it didn’t occur to him that I just wasn’t interested in him, he thought that I’d met someone else, because why oh why would I not want to progress things unless there was another man involved?? Not when he’s so damn wonderful and such a catch (which, incidentally, he told me he was during one of our epic conversations).

I replied, “I haven’t been on the site because I’m busy, not because I’ve met someone else.  I’m sorry but like I said, you’re just not the man for me” Ouch! As you would expect, I didn’t hear back from him, nor have I heard from him since.

Oh and before I forget, the name reference … well that’s because he has a house in America’s Deep South which he told me endless stories about … and another thing I didn’t like is that he goes hunting … like proper ‘shoot Bambi’s mum’ type hunting.  That would never do!

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about my very own stalker!  It just gets better! Until then my lovelies, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Friday Night Mayhem!

I know I promised at the end of my last post to tell you about Mr Stalker, but I just thought I’d share this rather funny little interlude first... 

Last Friday night, I ended up on an impromptu evening out with two of my oldest friends (I’ve known them since school, so we’re talking a looooooooong time) Sharon and Jo.  Sharon had been in touch the day before to say that she’d just got a new role and needed to celebrate.  Now, never being one able to turn down a friend in need of course I said yes.  Usually when we catch up, we tend to just go to a local pub after work and have something to eat, as we are all usually driving, we don’t tend to have a drink, so Sharon said, “I’m celebrating and we aren’t sitting in some little pub … we’re doing it probably!”

Who was I to argue?!  After a bit of toing and froing we decided on Liverpool and so that none of us needed to drive we made the momentous decision to take the train (we live in different towns, so a taxi would be difficult and we hadn’t got much time to arrange things).  Yes my lovelies, Public Transport and you know how much I LOVE Public Transport.  However, needs must and all that.   So we agreed that they would get on the train in their town and I’d get on the same train when it hit mine.

The journey there went without incident and we landed safe and sound.  We hopped a taxi to Liverpool One (a new shopping and entertainment mall that recently opened in the city) and headed for a really nice restaurant Ree Rah were we were actually able to sit outside!  The weather was glorious.  I actually can’t remember the last time I went out for the evening and was actually able to sit and eat outside without being totally freezing and wanting to go inside. 

Well we had a lovely meal, some bubbles and cocktails and a generally fab catch up (including lots of hysterical laughter … I do love those ladies, they’re very funny).  Once we were all done, we hopped a taxi back to the station in order to catch the last train home.  All I have to say now is NEVER AGAIN!  Have you ever caught the last train home from anywhere on a Friday/Saturday night?  It was BONKERS and although we had had some drinks (well Sharon and I had) we weren’t that drunk … we didn’t have time to get that drunk because we were either eating or talking!

We walked past one carriage and Sharon had a horrified look on her face when she saw the people sitting there and said, “Walk on!  Not there!” Jo and I just giggled and carried on to the next.  We took our seats and it all didn’t seem too bad … not too bad until the train started to fill up that is.  As the whistle blew we started to hear a commotion in the carriage that we had luckily swerved (you really have to listen to your gut feelings … or other’s gut feelings … they’re there for a reason). 

Next minute we see this decidedly butch lady quite small, grey short hair (a man’s hair cut) no make up and obviously a smoker (her skin was just awful and she had one of those rhaspy laughs) – really rough looking and totally drunk singing and shouting at the top her lungs - we just all looked at each other, completely gobsmacked.  Next minute I looked over and saw her swinging off the hand rails (you know the vertical ones they have on trains) in a particularly poor attempt at pole dancing.

Next minute a girl behind us stands up and starts to sing, “My My Miss American Pie” closely followed by “Day Dream Believer” at the top of her lungs and tried to encourage everyone else to join in.  Next, Pole Dancing Queen (PDQ) hears this and starts climbing over the seats in her carriage – actually not minding that there were people sitting in those seats and also starts singing at the top of her lungs.  Jo and I couldn’t actually see all of this from where were sitting, we could just about see her head bobbing around, when Sharon turns round all wide eyed and says, “She’s sticking her crotch in some poor blokes face!”

Well Jo and I were hysterical at this point; PDQ then enters our carriage and continues to stand on a bloke’s knee just opposite from where we were sitting so that she could catapult herself up the pole!  Oh Dear God … the three of us could hardly breathe; I thought Jo was going to pass out … at least Sharon and I had had a drink and could see the funny side, poor Jo was almost paralysed with shock!  Sharon happened to take our picture at this point, I’m crying laughing and Jo just looks distraught!

Next PDQ extricates herself from the pole and comes and stands by Sharon (who looked suitably mortified), but luckily she moved quite quickly down our carriage trying to climb across the seats in a kind of monkey manner.  All Sharon could say, with a look of utter disgust as she wrinkled her nose up was, “I could smell her crotch and it wasn’t nice!”  OMG I thought I was going to hyperventilate (she actually used a different word than crotch, but I’m trying to keep this family friendly!).  She added, “She’s going round throwing her crotch in everyone’s faces … and it stinks.  I can smell it from here!  Dirty woman.”

I was crying laughing.  For the rest of the journey there was much movement between the carriages together with some rivalry singing and I have to say it was the most entertaining and the most shocking (in equal measures) journey that I’ve ever taken and it reminded me never to get on public transport again … if I can at all help it!  And how Jo is after this little escapade?  Traumatised is the only way I can describe it.  I don’t think she may ever be able to get over it … I think she may well be scarred for life!  I don’t think it affected Sharon and me in such a detrimental way as we had some natural anaesthetic in our blood stream!

Awww you’ve gotta laugh haven’t you!  Right lovelies, I’ll get back to the dating again in my next post.  Until then, be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

Mr Tall-Butt-Boring

This was quite an unusual one ...  I actually went on a date with this one.  He seemed really nice and according to his profile he was 6’4” with a pleasant face, had his own business and was around the same age as me (I don’t know why I’m saying ‘was’ I assume he’s still all of those things, it was only a few weeks ago!).  We chatted on the phone (always a good start when they actually want to speak to you instead of texting) and he seemed really nice (although he was Welsh, but he couldn’t help that so I overlooked it! Ha ha) so we agreed to meet one Sunday night.

Over that weekend, I got some nice texts from him saying how he was looking forward to meeting me.  When the night came, luckily it was the first of those nice early summer days so he being a gentleman said that he wanted to meet somewhere near me (he lived about 40 miles away).  I thought that was a good start and we met at another little country pub (there’s a theme here!).

When I turned up, he was already waiting for me in the car park (that was a good start as I’m always the first anywhere because of my ‘issue’ with lateness, so someone there before me is always a good thing).  I couldn’t miss him either … he was rather huge ... I actually think he was taller that he stated in his profile, so it looks like the same thing (lying about one’s height) occurs at both ends of the scale!  However, that didn’t bother me as I was able to wear my highest, super high, fantabulous Kurt Geiger wedges (the type you have to be careful how you walk in them … one small wobble on an unnoticed pebble and it’s all over!  I actually broke my elbow once doing that ... that’s a whole other story). 

We trotted (well I trotted, he made large strides with me trying hopelessly to keep up with his ridiculously long legs) in to the pub and he dutifully bought the drinks.  I thought things were looking up considerably.  The next two hours (yes two hours, that’s a long time for me for a first date, usually I can’t get away quick enough!) went incredibly slowly.  We discussed his failing business at length and I mean EVERYTHING about his failing business, from beginning to end including the entire run down of the figures (I thought he was going to bring out his P&L account ... well I guess it beats, “come and see my etchings!”) he told me about his stroppy daughter and what a handful she is (she sounded a complete fright) all about his bitch of an ex-wife and how impossible his situation was and now I think about it, not one thing about me.  In fact, the whole ‘date’ if you can call it that, was more like a life-coaching session … I told my friend afterwards that I actually felt like putting an invoice in for my time at the end!

After that, he texted me telling me what a wonderful night he had had and how he couldn’t wait to see him again and how fabulous he thought I was (which is hysterical really considering he didn’t ask me one thing about me) … I’m not surprised actually, not because I think I’m all those things, but I used so much positive reinforcement with him that he couldn’t have helped but feel better … however, he took that as attraction!  I really must learn to stop that, men tend to get the wrong idea all the time when I’m only trying to help them!  After a few days of his texting, I dropped him a line to say that he was a nice guy but not the guy for me.

His reply was (and he was deadly serious), “I knew I shouldn’t have worn jeans!” He shouldn’t have worn jeans!  God bless him, he didn’t realise that the endless conversation about his woes put me off; he thought it was because he was wearing jeans.  Talk about no emotional intelligence!  I replied saying that it was nothing to do with his jeans and gave him a little bit of constructive feedback; well I just couldn’t help myself.  I told him to ask something about your date, don’t monopolise the conversation, don’t talk about your stroppy kid or your mental ex-wife!  But then that provoked a self-loathing text from him where he said that he was giving up dating that he wasn’t cut out for it, that his life was a disaster, that he may never love again … *groan* …. DELETE … NEXT! 

Awwwww you’ve gotta laugh!  Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about Mr Deep South … bet you can’t wait! Ha ha ha.  Until then my lovelies, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx

Mr Caribbean...

 

Well here we are again, just as I promised.  Today’s little tale is about Mr Caribbean, oh this is a corker you’ll love this one...

I was contacted by this rather gorgeous, exotic (exotic to me is anyone who’s not Caucasian!) looking male. I had a quick shufty at his profile and he looked rather lovely (plus his mum lives in Barbados, so being rather mercenary, I did think of the free Caribbean holibobs!) so I mailed him back and he mailed me and I mailed him and he mailed me … anyway, you get the idea.  This went on way longer than I would usually tolerate (I have a view that if they haven’t asked for my number within 5 email exchanges, then they are never likely to … actually, it’s not just a view, it’s been tried and tested on a number of occasions). 

This went far over the 5 exchanges … more like 20 and then it dawned on me … I’d been here before with this guy, so mailed him and said, “Sorry, I’ve just realised that we’ve been here before” his reply was a bit odd, “What prey tell are you referring to?”  I told him that we’d emailed loads before and I’d given up because I surmised that he wasn’t going to call and was a bit of a time waster.  That should have been Alarm Bell No 1.

He came back almost immediately and said that he wasn’t a time waster and could he have my number and could he take me out on the Friday night (this was on the Tuesday).  Well, I couldn’t say no (well I guess I could have, but I didn’t) so we swapped numbers and that’s where alarm bell No 2 should have kicked in … he sent me 5 pictures of himself, clearly taken by himself in various rooms in his house (not a very nice house) wearing different tops and headgear … go figure!).  I don’t get why guys do that.  Why would you send a picture of yourself, or rather why would you send pictureS of yourself (plural) without being asked for them?  It smacks of either narcissism … a bit of “Look at me, aren’t I gorgeous and aren’t you lucky girl – here’s some fabulous pictures of me that you can download to your desktop or keep on your phone, you could even print them up and put them around your house so that you can drool over me all day long”)  No … Just no!  You DO NOT send pictures unless you’re asked for them.  Also there’s the fact that they send the same pictures as you’ve already seen on the website  If I was so desperate to carry around their picture, which I never am, I could download it from the website.  OOoooohhhhhhhh I have such an issue with this that I’m getting wound up about it while I’m typing.

Anyway, I digressed a bit there sorry about that, I’ll move on.  So I got over the ‘picture’ thing and  we agreed to meet in a little country pub not too far from where we both lived (we live in different towns but only about 5 miles from each other).  Over the next few days, we exchanged perfectly nice texts about the weather, what we were up to that day … just general chit chat.  Then on the Thursday, I get a text to say could he change the venue to a Vodka bar in HIS home town.  Now, this should have sent Alarm Bell No 3 ringing on 4 counts:

1. Why should I have travel to him?  He certainly wasn’t making it easy for me. 
2. He would have been able to drink and I would have had to drive.
3. Why would you want to have a first date in a rowdy bar in a ‘fighting’ town (neither of our towns are that prestigious!) full of kids on a Friday night?
4. He’s 50 for God’s sake!  (Quite a bit older than what I’d usually go for … that should have been alarm bell all on its own!)

So, I just sent a polite response saying that I’d rather we stick to our original plans, which he seemed fine about.  (Oh and while I’m at it, what is it about everyone wanting to use Viber and Whatsapp now … it’s fine for use with your friends but with a potential date?  All I can put it down to is that these guys are too cheap to pay for texts … or am I showing my age?  Don’t answer that!)

Then I got the howler … “What do you look for in a man?” (I really hate those type of questions with a passion, they really make me squirm – if you really must ask me things like that  do it face to face or call me, better still, don’t ask me those types of questions at all!  And while I’m at it, don’t try and get to know me through texts!  Phew, another rant!).  So gave a really non-committal reply and asked him what he looked for in a woman … I didn’t actually really care by this point, but thought I should be polite.  Well, what I received back I can only describe as pornographic!  I nearly fell off my chair, it was so rude that I couldn’t even read it out loud to one of my friends – I just shoved the phone into her hand with a horrified look on my face.   She read it and actually turned red!

She said, “You’re not going to see him now are you?  That’s disgusting, I’m cringing and feel dirty just reading it” I said, “What do you think?” We agreed that I should reply telling him that I thought his text was inappropriate, especially to send a text like that to someone you don’t know or haven’t even met (in fact, I think I’d still be shocked if I got that text from someone I’d been in a full blown relationship with … honestly, it was a shocker!).  How can you go from talking about the weather in one text!  He replied saying sorry but that that he was only answering my question.  I didn’t reply.  Neither did I reply to the slew of texts I got from him over the next 24 hours.  Finally I thought I should put him out of his misery and wrote, “Look, you’re not the man for me, move on” … DELETE … NEXT.  Luckily, I haven’t heard from him again!

Phew, told you it was a goody and there’s still plenty where that came from.  Right lovelies, people to see, gyms to do.  Until next time (probably tomorrow whilst I’m on a roll!) be fabulous.

Lots of love

Jx

I'm Back with More On-line Dating Escapades!

 

Hi lovelies, it’s been a while and all I can do is apologise.  I don’t really have much of an excuse other than I’ve been unbelievably busy with clients, clients more clients, the cinema and the gym (yes … you read that correctly – I’ve been going on a fairly consistent basis to the gym – not that I’ve actually been sweating you understand, that would just never do but I have to admit that I’m feeling better and have lost a few lbs. in to the bargain!  I'm one of those lucky suckers who never gets very hot, so even exercising in this heat hasn't stopped me ... nor has it made me sweat ... people tell me I'm lucky, but you do not want to be around me when it's cold ... brrrrrrrrrr! *angry/sad face*).

So, what have I got to tell you?  Well I’ve thought long and hard about whether I should continue to write about my dating exploits which I have debated long and hard with my friends (Sharon, Joanne and Michelle).  I have to be honest that I was thinking that maybe I was starting to look a bit sad and desperate because I seem to be constantly dipping in and out of on-line dating and not finding anyone even half decent (one bloke on the dating site I’ve been back on actually said, “What’s wrong with you that you’re still here?” My answer, “Because this place is full of knobs like you!”).

However, my erstwhile friends have persuaded to put pen to paper again, by saying that "it’s just not fair of me not to share because your tales are the funniest things we get to read!” … thanks guys, it’s nice to know that my love life, or lack thereof, is keeping you amused!  So really through nothing more than wanting to bring a smile to my friends’ faces, I’ve decided to take the giant leap and fill you in on what’s been happening.  First things first though …

The Disclaimer

OK, I feel the need to have to say this every time I start a new discussion regarding on-line dating, because there’s always some smart ass (usually a man ... sorry if I seem sexist, but that's the truth!) trying to tell me where I’m going wrong or what I should be doing or saying, or generally giving me the benefit of their wisdom (I know, I know, there’s a fundamental difference between men and women in this respect – women love the gossip and generally just tell each other what’s going on and men want to fix things … Guys, I don’t need fixing, I appreciate your concern though!).  So before I start, here’s the full on disclaimer:

THIS IS A BIT OF FUN AND WHILST EVERY TALE IS TRUE (never embellished, honest) I DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU, NOR DO I SHARE WITH YOU ANYTHING THAT I WOULD CONSIDER PRIVATE OR PERSONAL.  WHAT I SHARE IS A TINY PART OF MY LIFE AND I ONLY DO IT FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT … OH WHILE I'M AT IT, THIS SITUATION (ie dating) DOES NOT REQUIRE ANY SORT OF ‘FIXING’ AND NEITHER DO I!  READ IT FOR WHAT IT'S INTENDED TO BE … A GIGGLE!

Right … can I move on now?  Has that well and truly sunk in?  Good J

OK well, I don’t really know where to start there’s been so much and my memory is particularly lousy (which was the whole point of me starting this blog in the first place … so that I could remember what I’d been up to!).  Let’s start with Mr Vertically Challenged…

Mr Vertically Challenged (Mr VM for short ... did you like what I did there huh, huh?) I've called him this  because I really do like tall men … sorry if that offends anyone, but some people like skinny, some fat, some muscly, some not so muscly, some tall, some short … you like what you like and I like tall … we’re not talking freaky giant here, we’re merely talking over 5’10”.  I have this limit not only because I like taller men but because anything under that and they tend to lie about their height for example, 5’8” is rarely 5’8” it’s more likely to be 5’6” (remember my friend Nicky who ended up with ‘Santa’s Little Helper’ on her doorstep?).  Men 5’10” and over don’t need to lie those under, do … that’s mine and about a dozen other women’s experience anyway!

So Mr VC I thought was passable because he was chunky, we’re talking VERY muscly here, which can sometimes make up for height (only sometimes) so I decided after a few emails to swap numbers.  Almost immediately I got one reasonably nice text from him then within seconds I get another with a picture attached… a picture of his car (which was a very nice cabriolet) with the caption, “I may let you have a ride in my car if you’re lucky and if you’re REALLY lucky I may let you drive it” my reply, “You’re alright love, I’ve already got one” It was the exact same car as mine!!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, my/our car is very lovely and I guess would be classed in the ‘executive’ range, but if you’re going to go bragging about your car, at least make sure that who you’re bragging to doesn’t have the same one!!  Blimey, it wasn’t like he had a Bentley Sport or a Ferarri!

So, I’m sorry to say, that put me right off him and actually made me think, “Little man making up for it with big car and trying to show off” (although what the car says about me, I hate to hazard a guess!) I also thought it was a bit patronising … “Look at me with my lovely car … I bet you can’t afford one of these little girly” … Wrong … NEXT! (Oh how I’ve missed saying that!)

I think I had one of those types before … he was 5’9” (so his profile said, he was actually 5'7") and drove a Jeep (Jeep Man!) remember? Ah well, plenty more fish and all that.  I’ve got tonnes more to tell you but you can have too much of a good thing in one day you know!

More tomorrow lovelies, until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx