Since my last post about the guy who was more than happy for me to buy his cinema ticket and drink, I’ve had a few conversations with friends about what makes people ‘tight’ with their money ie not want to spend it but being happy to let others pay for them. Now, after a little analysis, we’ve come to the conclusion that people who don’t like to spend their money and who go to great lengths not to spend it (and I’ve got some cracking examples for you) are far from the ones with the least amount of available cash. In our experience, it tends to be people who have got money, but just don’t want to spend it. Either that or they get a buzz out of ‘getting away’ with as much as possible ie letting other people pay for them (I know a few people who definitely fit into that category).
I once knew a guy who claimed that you could split the world into two – people who predominantly give and those who predominantly take - of course there are shades of grey, however, he claimed that every person has a tendency to be largely one or the other. I have to be honest, over the years I’ve analysed this and I have to agree. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I happen to be the former and as a result am always first at the bar, always go out of my way to buy lovely presents, always tend to pick up bar/restaurant bills ... and I really don’t know why cos quite often I get completely stung ie I don’t get a fraction of what I give back. Not that I give to get, but really, not a fraction!
Here are some of the examples of what I’ve experienced with particular ‘friends’:
The Bar Dodger
I often used to go out with a large group of friends ... probably about 13 of us (me being the 13th cos I was single), this one particular couple would always make sure that they bought the last round of the group because invariably, by the time it came to buying a second round for them, the night would be over. I, on the other hand, would be expected to buy two rounds for everyone and as they were all buying in couples, I’d be well and truly out of pocket because I was buying 2 to their 1. I don’t see that group of people anymore (not just because of that, but it was part of it ... they were more than happy for me to buy double the amount of drinks that they did ... fair? I don’t think so).
The Car Park Dodger
I used to go to a lot of gigs with this particular couple. As my friend’s hubby preferred to drive, I would always pay for the car park ... and the drinks ... and the snacks ... and a programme and they would be more than happy to let me and wouldn’t even offer to buy me a drink in return. As you can imagine, I could quite easily rack up an £80 bill for the privilege of them driving me to the gig (a taxi would have been cheaper!). When I finally woke up to this, went to a gig with them and didn’t offer to pay for the parking and said that I’d buy my own drinks as money was short ... they were unbelievably shocked and didn’t ask me to go with them again (by the way, I wasn't working at the time!).
The ‘Hinter’
One of my friends was telling me about another of our friends who is well known for dodging paying for anything and said that quite often she’d go out with this friend and she would constantly drop hints about how much she wanted this or that but that she couldn’t afford it. My other friend (for some reason that she could never identify) would end up buying her whatever the object of her desire was at that moment. Now, let me just say that ‘the Hinter’ was super rich in comparison to my compassionate friend, but it still didn’t stop her accepting anything and everything she could get her hands on. Bazaar!
The Family Member
I have a close family member who’s the same. She expects everything to be bought for her and will go to unbelievable lengths to not have to pay for something ie she’ll disappear to the toilet or for a cigarette when the bill comes, say she’s ordered your birthday/Xmas present but it never arrives ... I’ve even overheard her saying, “well, it’s not like she can’t afford it” when I’ve been lumbered with a restaurant bill for everyone. Nice to be appreciated isn’t!
The 'I've no money but I'm coming out anyway' Person
I went for a meal with a gang of girls a few weeks ago (they are friends of a friend of mine and I met most of them for the first time that night) and we met for a drink beforehand then went to the restaurant. We were busy ordering meals and wine when I heard one of the girls whispering to another as we were discussing what wine to buy. As the night wore on, it transpired that this girl had only bought £20 out with her. Now, in the town we live in restaurants aren’t expensive, however, I can’t think of anywhere you buy a meal and alcoholic drinks all night and only pay £20 (I’m not counting fast food joints here!). What would possess you to do that? If I can’t afford to go out, I don’t go out. I don’t expect other people to pay for me ... which is exactly what we did ... we all had to put money in to cover for her lack and hid the bill from her so that she didn't know what we'd done! I really don't get it and I’d never dream of it.
The Admitted Taker
I have another friend who quite openly says that she is a 'Taker' and when I say to her, "How can you do that? How can you just let people pay for you and do stuff for you like that? Don't you feel guilty or bad that you never replay them?" Her answer is, "If people are stupid enough to do it/pay for it for me, then that's their look out". Wow ... I was gobsmacked and unable to speak for a good 5 minutes after that!
I have to be honest, I really don’t get how people can behave like that however, I’ve recently (after the non-paying dates and a couple of other things that are too negative to go into here) really woken up to the fact that I’m a bit of a soft touch and I definitely need to put the stoppers on things. I only end up getting wound up about it, especially when I think it's not appreciated and unfortunately quite often its not ... it's expected. It becomes all the more glaringly obvious to me when I'm not working - as you may be aware, I work for myself and sometimes go for long stretches without earning a penny, but yet people still expect me to pay more than my fair share for things. Not no more baby, the worm has turned!
Wow ... I’ve had a full on rant there haven’t I!!! I just had to get that off my chest. I feel much better now, I hope I haven't depressed you too much. Right onward and upward to more positive things! See you soon lovely people and be fabulous.
Lots of love
Jx
PS ... Are you a Giver or a Taker ... you may want to think about it!
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