Yet Another Dodgy Date (well sort of!)

OK, so I told you that I’d remembered another dodgy date story.  Actually, I hadn’t forgotten about it (that would be pretty difficult to do); I’d just taken the executive decision not to write about it.  However, when I’ve told this tale to my friends, they’ve been totally stunned by both the behaviour of the man in question and why I wouldn’t want to share it ... misplaced loyalty maybe?  I don’t really know.  So, after much cajoling from my lovely friends, here goes...

A guy I knew back in the day (like 20 years ago) got in touch with me around September last year and pretty much straight away, told me about the breakup of his marriage.  Now, my immediate thought was, “Oh here we go”.  However, months later after a steady stream of emails back and forth, he hadn’t even mentioned meeting up so I gleaned from that that he was actually just being friendly and didn’t think of me in a ‘romantic’ way, which was fine by me.

A couple of months ago, he dropped a heavy hint about wanting to watch a film that I’d talked about going to see, so I said, “Well if you want to watch it, come with me I don’t mind.  It’d be nice to have some company for a change and I’m going anyway”.  I have to be honest, even now, I’m not sure whether it was a ‘date’ or just two friends going to the cinema together, so I decided to take it as the latter as he’d been at lengths to remark on how this wasn’t a date (but he kept saying it in a jokey way, so I wasn’t really sure).

When the day arrived, he’d agreed to come to mine (I wasn’t so concerned about my usual dating rules because I knew him and also know a lot of people who know him too ... so I didn’t feel the ‘normal’ security measures were needed), he turned up (he lives in a town about 40 minutes away from me) and the first thing that came through the door was the overpowering smell of stale cigarette smoke (another 60 a day habit person), then came the depressed aura (I seem to be attracting that lately) then came the pleather jacket.  Nuff said.  I’m not going into that one again.  We had a quick chat then jumped in his car to the cinema...

Now, if you’ve read my other posts, you’ll know that I love the cinema and have ‘pass’ for my local movie theatre that I pay £14.99 per month for, which means that I can watch as many films as I want without paying any more.  Well, we walked up to the counter, I asked him if he wanted anything to eat, no, he just wanted a large coke, I asked the woman for the tickets and one large coke and one small diet coke.  She prepared the drinks and the tickets and said, “Will you come round to the till?” He just stood there, hands in pockets just like the guy from my previous ‘dating disaster’ post.  I thought, ‘Blimey, he’s not moving’ so I walked round to the till; all the while he’s standing there with his hands in his pockets allowing me to pay for his ticket (mine was obviously free) and his LARGE coke.  OMG – I was fuming ... he made no attempt whatsoever to even make a move to pay.  HE JUST STOOD THERE!

Now, let’s get a couple of things straight here, I’d got it in my head that it wasn’t a date and therefore, I wouldn’t expect the man to pay for me (although I have to be honest I would expect that if it was a first date, I’d argue with them a bit and offer to at least pay my half, but I’d be really disappointed if they let me – I’m just a bit old fashioned like that and I think it speaks volumes about a person and their ethics) but neither would I think that he would expect me to pay for him.  I think I’ve said before, that when I go out with my friends, we either split the bill or take it in turns – we’d never ever expect the other to pay for us without putting up a bit of a fight.

Did he offer to pay?  Did he even offer to pay half?  Not bloody likely.  What did he say when I’d paid and walked to him with his ticket and coke? “Oh I get my ticket and coke bought for me too”  Like I had a friggin’ choice!!!  OMG, I thought I was going to faint.  NEVER EVER has that EVER happened to me.  OK, there was the guy on the last dodgy date I told you about who was happy for me to buy him a drink, but this was on a whole different level.  How can anyone just expect someone else to pay for them without even offering?  Don’t get it.

*Phew Jx and breathe* I handed him his goodies and we walked into the theatre, sat down and watched the film.  I’ve got to be honest, I really couldn’t concentrate and was well aware that my body language (had he noticed it) was screaming out “I’M ANGRY I AM”!

So, after the film (bearing in mind we’d gone in the afternoon) we left the theatre and had to walk past a ‘Pizza Hut’.  Now, if I’d been there with any one of my numerous friends, without a doubt one of us would say, “Let’s go for pizza” Him?  Not a peep (I remember thinking, ‘No he’s not likely to say that cos he’ll find it harder to get away without paying for it ... and he probably needs all his cash to fund for his heavy cigarette habit’).

So we get in the car and drive back to mine, all the time I’m thinking, “Don’t come in. Don’t come in!”  What did he do?  Came in ... well I did ask.  Luckily I knew he wouldn’t stay long because he hadn’t had a smoke for at least 2.5 hours so must have been gagging for one.  So he stayed and had a coffee and then left quite quickly.

I really thought he’d have picked up on my negative vibes ... but no.  This is the best bit, when he got home, he emailed me ... this is what he said:

“Thanks for today, I really enjoyed it. Hope we can do it again soon. Your choice on the film next time!  There's a Cineworld near me if your pass works everywhere?”

OMG ... he wasn’t even offering to pay for my ticket next time, he was expecting me to travel the 40 minutes to his for the privilege of using my freebie card again!  The bloody nerve, I couldn’t believe it.  Since then I’ve had a couple of mails from him asking me what he did wrong because he genuinely doesn’t know and is extremely sorry.  How can you not know!?  It’s just general good manners surely.

As a complete opposite to this, I had dinner with another male friend that I’ve known for a million years a couple of weeks ago.  This wasn’t a date, it was just old friends catching up and he wouldn’t let me pay of a thing.  We had dinner and went to a bar and had a few drinks after and no matter how much I argued with him, he wouldn’t let me contribute.  Total opposite ends of the scale.

So lovelies, there it is.  Whether it was a date or not, I’m still not clear and don’t really care, but he was incredibly rude.  What did I learn from that?  Don’t be so soft and don’t be the first to put my hand in my pocket.  We live and learn and that’s the point isn’t it!

Right, I’m off to do some work.  Have an amazing week and I’ll see you soon.  Until then, be fabulous!

Lots of love

Jx